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Now that I know Katherine Heigl is a bitch I can’t watch Knocked Up

By: Bobby Finstock on 07/29/08 @ 7:23 am

I don’t watch “Grey’s Anatomy” because I have a penis. However I was familiar with Katherine Heigl’s work from such cinematic classics as “Under Siege 2″, “Bride of Chucky”, “100 Girls” and “The Ringer”. Those were all quality flicks; I had some admiration in her taste or ability to blow the right person to get into a movie, whatever.

(Do you think Steven Segal touched her in appropriately while filming? Just curious.)

katherine heigl your boobs don't impress me

katherine heigl your boobs don't impress me

When “Knocked Up” came out I thought she was kind of bitchy in it but I liked the movie so much I just let it pass. All I knew was that if I were dating a girl like that I would shove her down the stairs if I had to deal with a bitchy attitude that she gave off. (Of course I would threaten her life if she didn’t blame it on the dog.)

Anyways I really could take or leave her, I didn’t really put too much thought into it until the whole Emmy thing came up. Apparently she didn’t like the quality of the scripts the writer’s produced or the direction of her character and asked to have her name removed from Emmy nominations. This really pissed me off.
I don’t consider myself a writer and my script writing ability is limited to three minute long Youtube videos. But if someone that became one of the highest paid actresses on TV based off the shit I had written for her decided to piss all over my work I would shove my foot up her ass. In fact I would do an entire story arch next season about her catching herpes and having a massive cocaine problem, which leads her to strip on nights she isn’t at the hospital. Of course the stripping turns to her turning tricks and she ends up getting knocked up by a Latino gangster who is about to be sent away to jail for violating his probation for child molestation. Embarrassed about her condition she decides to give herself an abortion in a back alley using a wire coat hanger and dies from severe bleeding.

Okay maybe they do

Okay maybe they do

At her funeral McSteamy or McDreamy or McDouche stands over he coffin and quips, “I guess when Mommy Dearest said no wire hangers she meant it.” Then everyone in the audience laughs and someone chimes in, “I for one won’t miss that bitch.”

Anyway… back to my main point.

Wait… I have no idea what it was. Oh yeah… Katherine Heigl I hate you.

Who is your least favorite actress in Hollywood?

Oh yeah I am giving shit away for free. You can read about it here.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

30 Responses to “Now that I know Katherine Heigl is a bitch I can’t watch Knocked Up”

  1. bishop says:

    as for Steven Segal touched her in appropriately while filming? I would say that’s a done deal. As for the least favorite actress it would have to be Jennifer Grey. I guess just for the fact of dirty dancing I would rather remove my eyes with a spoon than watch that movie.

  2. Meghan says:

    I haven’t seen a single episode of ‘Grey’s’, whoo hoo!

    She is being an arrogant asshole and I support her television downfall…I hope in 2 years she is stuck doing a Reality Show on E! (K’s Anatomy? Blecchh!) that comes on after Denise Richards, Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson.

    And I think there is something about her looks that is going to fade fast. She’s like Kathleen Turner, one day we are all going to turn around and GASP!

  3. kate says:

    Heidi and Spencer from The Hills. I just want to run them over with my car repeatedly.

  4. alayna says:

    kathy griffin. i don’t know what it is about her, but she annoys me to no end. i can’t even watch commercials for her show or anything featuring her in it…i’m that annoyed.

  5. My least favorite actress in Hollywood is Tom Cruise.

  6. James says:

    I loved 100 Girls. Ms Chriqui….yummy

  7. matty says:

    That sounded like the best script ever.

  8. Albert says:

    She also criticized Knocked Up. No matter how shitty a movie you made is, you try to play it up as much as you can. That’s also why I hate Clooney(Batman & Robin).

  9. handsoffmylemonade says:

    I never liked Jennifer Aniston. She is always the same in everything, I imagine her to be the same way in real life. I feel guilty that I was glad that Brad Pitt left her for Angelina. I never liked the two of them together for some reason (though was it really my business?) it just well, it didn’t seem to fit.

  10. RELDude says:

    The actor I hate most: Ewan McGregor. This is why-

  11. Melissa says:

    Jodi Foster. I hate her for refusing to do the last Hannibal movie because she disagreed with how the character of Clarisse evolved. She felt she knew better how the character would grow. Heloo!?!?! Who f*cking wrote the books – Thomas Harris not you, you ungrateful I-can’t-break-out-of-being-a-tramp-in-B-flicks-ho. I think the guy who spent years of his life dedicated to creating and fine tuning the characters knows them far more intimately than some over-paid, under-sexed, prima-donna.

  12. selena says:

    I loved Melissa’s comment! Yeah, I really don’t like Jodi Foster either… I hated the movie Nell! Pure Crap! I don’t know who my least favorite is but now I’m thinking on it.
    As far as Katherine goes, I had heard that she was going to be fired and this was before the whole Emmy thing. I think it was related to her complaints… and the fact that the writers were accomidating her wishes and placing less significance on her character so she could do these movies that she’s been making money on.
    I loved knocked up! I thought her character was bitchy but that was perfect for the movie!!! She was playing a pregnant girl who’s hormones were going crazy!!! They must have picked up on her bitchery which is why they picked her…

  13. deuteros says:

    I never liked Katherine Heigl in anything I saw her in. Every character she’s played is bitchy.

  14. Jeff says:

    Kirsten Dunst, because I think she’s just a shitty actress.

  15. Jinksy says:

    My least favorite actress is Helena Bonham Carter.

    She looks a little too much like a baglady, for my tastes. And you tend to find that you are no longer able to masturbate once her mug appears on the screen. That fact alone really ruined Sweeney Todd for me.

  16. Alicia says:

    Hmm, I didn’t know who she was until I read your blog. And now I hate her too. Well done, Sir.

  17. Shows aside from Grey’s Anatomy that I don’t watch because I have a penis: Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, Extreme Makeover, Will & Grace… Shit I don’t watch a lot of TV.

    Hollywood actress I hate the most: Kate Winslet

  18. Austin Girl says:

    Hi Pointless Banter,

    Are we answering the ‘who’s your favorite actress’ query here? If so…

    My favorite actress is Marcia Gay Harden; she always delivers. And, she’s funny in person too!
    – Austin Girl

  19. sarah says:

    to her credit, the greys writing really took a nosedive after season 2. i was a pretty devoted fan for those first two years & now i cant stomach the scripts myself. i’d get bitchy too if i were her!

  20. I still love this woman.. She is so gorgeous!

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