A few weeks ago when I was home in Western, NY my friends and I ended up at a crappy strip club. While we were there I got into a conversation with a stripper about their music selection. She usually leaned towards late seventies/early eighties rock music, stating that it was her favorite type of music and most girl played a lot of hip hop so she wanted to be different.
We got into a discussion about the impact of music and how her three-song set was structured. She said that she likes to build with the three songs, making the third the most upbeat or loudest. It got me thinking if I were to become a stripper what would my three-song set be?
I decided that I don’t think I could dance to hip-hop when so many other girls did. So I crossed all the hip-hop off of my list. While the”Girls, Girls, Girls” by Motley Crue and “Paradise City” by Guns N Roses are strip club staples and reliable, I wanted to change my stuff up a bit.
Note: “A Lap Dance is So Much Better When a Stripper is Crying” by the Bloodhound Gang didn’t make the cut but was given serious consideration.
Also I didn’t take rhythm into account for any of this. I am convinced strippers can dance to any song. When you are taking off your clothes you could be playing a Harry Kissenger speech in the background and guys will still be totally attentive.
So here is my three-song set if I ever became a stripper.
“My Doorbell”- By The White Stripes
“I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
Yeah, I been thinkin’ about my doorbell”
By my doorbell I mean “lapdance”. And ring it I mean “give me twenty dollars”. Also I want to be the first person ever to play a song in a strip club with the word “obtuse” in it.
“Add it Up”- by the Violent Femmes
“Why cant I get just one kiss
Why cant I get just one kiss
Believe me there’d be something’s that I wouldn’t miss
But I look at your pants and I need I need a kiss
Why cant I get just one screw
Why cant I get just one screw”
I think this song contains every single song a guy asks in a strip club. Well except for the “will you grind your stilettos into my junk?”
Darling Nikki- (Originally by Prince) covered by the Foo Fighters
“I knew a girl named Nikki
I guess you could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
masturbating with a magazine
she said how’d u like 2 waste sometime
& I could not resist when I saw little
I have never heard either version of this song played at a strip club before. (Not that I go weekly or anything and the fact that I am not sober while there also might impact what I hear.) I just think this song should be the ultimate strip club rock song…
If for some reason I was a hot female I would be dangerous and rich. I wonder if I could start a school for strippers?
(Note: I copied and pasted the lyrics from a lyrics site. You have to love how horrible the last copy is.)
What would your stripper songs be?