Chess Boxing. Sport of the Future
Most of the time in life we lack direction. We don’t have answers to basic questions like:
-Oatmeal cream pie or swiss roll?
-Do I pee in the shower or in the toilet before I get in?
-How many drinks would it take for me to consider having sex with Paris Hilton?
-What do I want to do with my life?
This morning I had a moment of clarity and I could answer all of these.
-Oatmeal cream pie
-Shower
-7
-Professional chess boxer
Now I know I am going to hear all the negatives about chess boxing and why I can’t do it. The fact that I am 2-4 in career fights on the street will be thrown out there. Also I can hear people saying I suck at chess because I spent my game playing time growing up on the game of Life. (It had a spin wheel!) Also because I am in my early thirties I have hit my athletic peak and will soon be wheelchair bound, crapping in a diaper, and eating smashed pears unable to physically handle chess boxing.
I have to say though I disagree with all of that. In fact I signed up with a gym to start my boxing training and each day I will head down to the park to play some homeless guys in chess. Personally I can’t ignore the benefits of getting in on this.
1) Being one of the pioneers- I will be talked about in high regard my whole life because I was one of the early pioneers. Kind of like the way we talk about Lewis and Clark when all they did was follow a river and listened to a hot underage Indian chick to guide them. Come on, what did they really do?
2) Bitches love guys that chess box- I tossed the idea of chess boxing out to a female friend of mine and she said, “My panties are as wet as a rice field in South East Asia.”
3) RZA is a fan- If anyone from the Wu-Tang Clan is involved it is automatically cool. Well except Method Man, he lost some street cred along the way.
4) My inner Lloyd Dobler can come out- I can’t wait to meet people and have them ask what I do so I can reply, “Chess-Boxing. Sport of the future.” Also I want to have awkward sex with Diane Court in the back of a car.
Diane Court: Are you shaking?
Me as Lloyd Dobler: Get the fuck out of the car.
What can I say chess boxing turns me into a romantic.
How excited are you for chess boxing?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
(Note: I don’t know if you saw this yet Miley Cyrus Shower Pictures… But um… wtf?)
my personnal favorite... 
On 07/15/08 at 9:30 am
Meghan said:
I don’t know…any sport with training clubs in Bulgaria and Berlin seems sketchy.
I have a feeling your version of Lloyd Dobbler would stand outside my window holding an over sized damaging photo of me doing something illegal over your head.
On 07/15/08 at 9:31 am
Kevin said:
All while playing “Dog Shit” by the Wu-Tang Clan on my stereo.
On 07/15/08 at 10:06 am
Lord Likely said:
Why, this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘bashing the bishop’.
Incidentally, I am currently bashing the bishop as I write.
On 07/15/08 at 10:24 am
Kevin said:
You are such a multi-tasker… Who knew?
On 07/15/08 at 10:14 am
em em said:
Ha, at first I thought that was just a Wu-Tang reference, I didn’t realize it was actually becoming a sport-sport.
On 07/15/08 at 10:25 am
Kevin said:
Oh it is huge… In Europe.
On 07/15/08 at 10:57 am
Duane said:
So, what, they make a move and hit each other if they take a piece? I don’t get it. Is the winner the one who is still conscious?
And no, I am too lazy at the moment to actually look this up with all the power of the internets at my disposal.
On 07/15/08 at 11:11 am
Kevin said:
the first round is boxing for three minutes, then you play chess for four minutes, then you box again, then you play chess… I think it goes for five rounds
On 07/15/08 at 12:29 pm
LOTNorm said:
Method Man has plenty of street cred… if he’s hanging with another Wu-Tang Clan member.
I personally prefer Karate-Checkers. “King this, hi-ya!”, but to each his own.
Swiss Rolls FTW!
… I’ve never used FTW before, but I wanted to make myself feel younger after staring a little too long at that picture…
On 07/15/08 at 2:00 pm
Kevin said:
As long as he is far away from Redman
On 07/15/08 at 12:34 pm
moooooog35 said:
Dude, Chess Professional Wrestling is actually where it’s all at.
All the excitement…trailer chicks…AND you get to wear a mask if you want.
Think about it and get me funding to start it. I live in Nigeria. Send a certified bank check. Thanks in advance.
On 07/15/08 at 2:01 pm
Kevin said:
Wasn’t your uncle a diplomat or something?
On 07/15/08 at 1:04 pm
Karl Rove said:
I just read about chess boxing in TIME magazine yesterday. I think you should do it. I bet Dolph Lundgren is involved.
On 07/15/08 at 2:02 pm
Kevin said:
Do you think he roids for that as well?
On 07/15/08 at 1:43 pm
Chelle said:
Interesting…doing anything with one’s life is better than nothing at all i suppose
On 07/15/08 at 2:02 pm
Kevin said:
we all need goals
On 07/15/08 at 1:51 pm
Aaron said:
I think I’ve found my new calling in life!
On 07/15/08 at 2:03 pm
Kevin said:
Happy to have guided you
On 07/15/08 at 1:54 pm
Marjorie said:
Kevin, its all about the swiss rolls, not the cream pie
On 07/15/08 at 2:02 pm
Kevin said:
Them are fighting words round these parts
On 07/15/08 at 2:48 pm
Meghan said:
The chocolate doesn’t even want to be on the Swiss Roll, it flakes right off.
On 07/15/08 at 10:22 pm
Jinksy said:
Considering the fact that MMA is currently the fastest growing sports, I’ll just wait for the Chess MMA scene to break through.
And I’m almost certain you’d sleep with Paris Hilton with less than 7 beers. I’m guessing 3 is more your number: 1 for you and 2 for her.
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