I’ve never taken a quiz in Cosmo… well until today. I want to know if “he is only after my bod“. Now the thing is I am going to apply these questions to my current girlfriend. So get out your appletinis, throw on some boy shorts, and lets do each other’s nails and take this quiz. (that may have been the gayest sentence I have ever typed)
Note: Substitute man with woman, I am too lazy to change it
Which does your man do more often?
Squeeze your tush
Give you hugs
Well fingering my asshole isn’t listed on here. Since that is off the table I am going to go with give me hugs.
You had a totally stressful day at work and tell your guy you need some TLC tonight. He:
Runs you a hot bubble baht and pours you a glass of wine
Strips off your clothes with a naught grin and says, “I know how to make you feel a lot better.”
I can’t remember the last time I took a bath. So I am going to have to go with number two there. (That isn’t to say I don’t shower on the regular.) Usually when she says she knows what will make me feel a lot better it involves a rubber chicken, some plastic wrap, and a jar of raspberry jelly.
The night you met the guy you’re currently dating, he:
Made tons of eye contact with you and wanted to know where you worked, who your friends were, etc.
Kept looking you up and down, saying you were the hottest girl ever
Well she did say something about my childbearing hips. I AM NOT AN OBJECT. Eh the answer is the first one. Although I think she was checking out my ass when we were walking to the bar. You can bounce a quarter of this backside.
Did he try to get into your pants on the first date, or did he wait until he knew you better?
He tried to pounce ASAP
He waited until date three
We are both waiting until we get married. Yeah I don’t buy that shit either, but we waited until date 45.
On average, how far ahead of time does he call you for a date?
He dials you the same night and says, “Hey, wanna come over?”
A few days in advance.
Holy crap it is answer one. I’m nothing better than a booty call. I feel like such a whore right now. I probably should just start sleeping why way through life and hopefully I will end up married to a doctor.
Wow there is like five more questions and I just don’t feel like typing them out. One is about meeting the family and friends, which I haven’t really done. Another one is about going on a date and seeing if we have sex after every time.
Ok… It is time to see the results.
Result: They only want one thing.
Just as I thought I am just a fuck toy. When are people going to love me for me? In fact I think I need to go buy some ice cream right now to drown my sorrows and then cause a massive fight ending with me telling her she doesn’t value you me.
Holy crap… no wonder Cosmo turns women into complete psychotics. I need to get off of their webpage right now.
Are Cosmo polls more accurate than psychotherapy and the SATS? Did you take the quiz what were your results?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
(Bonus: I did an interview on the comedy blog Angry Seafood which they posted today. Check it out.)