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Cosmo Quiz: Is he only after my bod?

By: Bobby Finstock on 07/14/08 @ 8:52 am

I’ve never taken a quiz in Cosmo… well until today. I want to know if “he is only after my bod“. Now the thing is I am going to apply these questions to my current girlfriend. So get out your appletinis, throw on some boy shorts, and lets do each other’s nails and take this quiz. (that may have been the gayest sentence I have ever typed)

Note: Substitute man with woman, I am too lazy to change it

Which does your man do more often?
Squeeze your tush
Give you hugs

Well fingering my asshole isn’t listed on here. Since that is off the table I am going to go with give me hugs.

You had a totally stressful day at work and tell your guy you need some TLC tonight. He:
Runs you a hot bubble baht and pours you a glass of wine
Strips off your clothes with a naught grin and says, “I know how to make you feel a lot better.”

I can’t remember the last time I took a bath. So I am going to have to go with number two there. (That isn’t to say I don’t shower on the regular.) Usually when she says she knows what will make me feel a lot better it involves a rubber chicken, some plastic wrap, and a jar of raspberry jelly.

The night you met the guy you’re currently dating, he:
Made tons of eye contact with you and wanted to know where you worked, who your friends were, etc.
Kept looking you up and down, saying you were the hottest girl ever

Well she did say something about my childbearing hips. I AM NOT AN OBJECT. Eh the answer is the first one.   Although I think she was checking out my ass when we were walking to the bar. You can bounce a quarter of this backside.

Did he try to get into your pants on the first date, or did he wait until he knew you better?
He tried to pounce ASAP
He waited until date three


We are both waiting until we get married. Yeah I don’t buy that shit either, but we waited until date 45.

On average, how far ahead of time does he call you for a date?
He dials you the same night and says, “Hey, wanna come over?”
A few days in advance.

Holy crap it is answer one. I’m nothing better than a booty call. I feel like such a whore right now. I probably should just start sleeping why way through life and hopefully I will end up married to a doctor.

Wow there is like five more questions and I just don’t feel like typing them out. One is about meeting the family and friends, which I haven’t really done. Another one is about going on a date and seeing if we have sex after every time.

Ok… It is time to see the results.

Result: They only want one thing.

Just as I thought I am just a fuck toy. When are people going to love me for me? In fact I think I need to go buy some ice cream right now to drown my sorrows and then cause a massive fight ending with me telling her she doesn’t value you me.

Holy crap… no wonder Cosmo turns women into complete psychotics. I need to get off of their webpage right now.

Are Cosmo polls more accurate than psychotherapy and the SATS? Did you take the quiz what were your results?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

(Bonus: I did an interview on the comedy blog Angry Seafood which they posted today. Check it out.)

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

13 Responses to “Cosmo Quiz: Is he only after my bod?”

  1. Isha says:

    I took the quiz and it said I had a good guy. Wow, they really don’t know my boyfriend at all. LOL.

    And yes Kevin, you are just a fuck t…….wait…let me not say anything else….

  2. em em says:

    If I’m pregnant with our fourth kid, do you think that means he just wants my bod? (On a side note, I hate when people say “bod” it’s so Steve Urkel to me.) Anyway, I’m wondering if I should feel used here, cuz I sorta do now after that quiz. Hmm.

  3. LOTNorm says:

    I don’t know if this quiz can be converted to include my particular significant other… but I know my hand really loves me.

  4. Marty says:

    Just remember that the ice cream will go straight to your thighs, so it’ll have to be low fat. But call me and we’ll spend an hour talking about our feelings and how there are no good men out there, they all want the same thing. Um… wait.

  5. matty says:

    I’m a little worried about you Kevin. You’ve been spending a lot of time recently on Cosmo shit. I’m beginning to think you are secretly turning into a Hermaphrodite, I guess that’s cool though.

  6. Chris C says:

    Thanks for taking the time to do the interview Kevin. It was a lot of fun and I’m sure your readers will enjoy it. No stuff about hermaphrodites though.

  7. Duane says:

    I’d take the quiz, but I really don’t want to get in an argument with my right hand.

  8. Meghan says:

    I took the quiz and it said my man has no choice but to use me as a sex object because my brain is all gunked up with Cosmo quizzes.

  9. Jason P. says:

    I just thought the kid with the lunchbox ruled!

    Cosmo: can’t we all just leave these polls alone!

  10. Melissa says:

    I couldn’t take that quiz. Not just because I hate Cosmo but because:

    My hubby slaps my butt – and I like it that way
    I jumped him on the first date, hey, he was a hottie then and now.
    If the day calls for a bubble bath we take it together with water proof toys.

    Guess we both are in it for the bodies and the sex, but hey it’s worked for seventeen years right?

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