My Answer to The Ominous Comma Challenge

For those of you who know me understand that I don’t do memes or tags or crap like that. I just hate being told what to write and feel like I am not being original by falling in line and answering a dumb survey about what I had for breakfast.

Brent over at the Ominous Comma recently started a “challenge” for humor writers to hand out some tips for new bloggers. He called me out as part of his challenge and well I figured I would rise to said challenge and lay out some tips I have learned. While it looks and smells like a meme I have been assured that it isn’t. It has been labeled a challenge… Basically I want to explain to you what I would have done if I could start all over with my writing.

This whole challenge is one of those things that we all do. You know how it goes, if you knew then what you know now how would things be different. (For example I would have not dated the green booger girl in high school). I am going to apply this thought process to blogging.

If I was starting out as a humor blogger what would I do different?

1) I would have been a hot chick. Somewhere out there is a study about how social networking profiles do better if there is a hot woman attached to it. (If there isn’t a study there should be.) All those Pilipino make money online bloggers use hot chicks as their icons, why can’t a comedy writer?

The picture would have been named Buffy. A girl with tremendous tits and a heart shaped ass with the mouth of a sailor and the sense of humor of a trucker awake on a three-day meth binge.

2) I would have the pictures of Buffy all over the Internet on every social networking and book marking site. I would have every single person I could find, specifically males that have too much time on their hands.  Remember it is good to spread your personal brand across as many channels as you can.

3) After a few months of writing content and building an audience I would go and ask these men to promote my stuff all over the interweb. All with them having hopes of landing Buffy in bed or at least seeing naked pictures. Basically I would want to build a massive network and leverage it for traffic.

4) A year after I started and around the time that Buffy makes the cover of Newsweek as the most read blogger on the planet I would reveal myself to really be who I am and watch an entire gender vomit over how often they yanked it to pictures of Buffy.

I regret to this day I couldn’t carry out this plan, otherwise known as the Humble B. Wonderful.

I will be back tomorrow from vacation and I have lots of things to share.