There is nothing better than a 19 Year Old Whore
Wednesday July 2nd- After wishing for death to come Tuesday morning and spending most of my morning in the bathroom for various reasons I decided to rise up and take my Uncle golfing. Nothing else to really say there, just felt like I had to share stories that weren’t fueled with alcohol.
I returned to Conesus Lake that night to visit my friends at their rented lake house. After a few drinks we headed over via boat to the Beachcomber. It is a little bar on Conesus Lake that has boat access. (really there is nothing safer than letting people get sauced and boating) Now the thing about the Beachcomber is that it pretty much sucks balls for 50 weeks out of the year and then is worth going to for like two during the summer. With all the people on vacation for July 4th the bar was sure to be packed.
When we got over there I saw one of the most interesting human specimens: The 19 year old girl craving for attention. Apparently this girl is out in the college town of Geneseo often (mostly at parties because she is underage) and has what I like to call a “casual moral attitude”.
The guy to girl ratio at this bar was easily four guys to every one girl so she was in her element. While I was drinking with my friends I made sure to pay attention to this girl in action, she had four guys at four different parts of the bar and would hop from guy to guy. The thing is she did it with the grace of a 300 pound guy trying to put on an outfit from Victoria’s Secret in a port-o-potty.
This was a total risk/reward situation:
Reward: free drinks and attention from a lot of guys
Risk: one guy will eventually bump into another and herpes is probably on the risk chart as well
Well one of the guys bumped into another and a little scuffle broke out. Normally I don’t choose sides in things like this, but I have to say one of the guys was wearing a necklace with a beer koozie on it. I firmly believe for that reason alone it was okay for someone to fight with him. Who wears that out to a bar and thinks it is funny? Only a douche, really now if it was a helmet with two cup holders I would be down. Personally I was secretly rooting for the one guy to choke the other guy with the necklace and then shoved the beer cozy into his mouth. Sadly it didn’t happen.
So I have been home for two nights and there already have been two conflicts. It is good to be back.
After the fight finished up with one of the guys getting kicked out the 19 year old started talking with my friend Blake and asking why all this was happening. Of course I was drunk at this point and decided to chime in, “You can’t hop from guy to guy like that. It is like throwing out a piece of meat in front of four bears, what do you think the bears are going to do just idly sit by and wait for someone to take it?”
I was pleased with my drunken, logical, and reasonable analogy. Â She shook her head and took in the knowledge I just dropped on her. Of course I had to ruin it by further saying, “Plus it makes you look like an utter and complete whore.”
What is the best/worst drunken advice you have given?
On 07/9/08 at 9:57 am
em em said:
The only drunken advice I ever seem to get usually consists of “don’t use that stall somebody just puked all over the floor”, (as if it didn’t already announce itself).
On 07/9/08 at 10:45 am
That Guy said:
telling people they have 3 options. option one:jail.
option two: hospital.
Option three, take a nice long walk and thank god i even gave you the option.
i love doing that, it makes even the biggest meanest MFer in the bar back down from me, and i’m fucking scrawny as hell.
On 07/9/08 at 10:45 am
LOTNorm said:
Drunken wisdom is the only kind I accept.
On 07/9/08 at 1:42 pm
James said:
troof!
On 07/9/08 at 12:32 pm
bishop said:
great analogy as for the follow up comment the truth always hurts
On 07/9/08 at 1:01 pm
Kassie said:
I can only imagine the look on that girls face after that last sentence. Priceless.
I hate barskanks. Especially the “WoooH! Look at me makeout with my bestfriend!!! Woah, I am SOOO wasted!” type.
On 07/9/08 at 1:43 pm
James said:
Whats worse? The 19 year old whore or the 29 year old whore?
On 07/10/08 at 8:02 am
cigar smoking beer drinking lawyer said:
Your stalker was at thre Beachcomber?
On 07/10/08 at 8:38 am
:D Jaime said:
Hah. What’d she say to that?
On 07/10/08 at 9:26 am
kevin said:
She didn’t like it very much
On 07/10/08 at 10:49 am
Alejandro said:
i loved the last frase, so true, so true…
On 07/10/08 at 12:11 pm
moooooog35 said:
Worst advice:
“It would behoove you to sleep with me.”
She did.
She weight approximately four bills.
Sometimes, I hate drinking.
On 07/10/08 at 3:25 pm
Mandygirl said:
LMAO, and it ends like that????
On 07/10/08 at 5:16 pm
Katie said:
Haha you sound charming when you’re drunk lol.
On 07/12/08 at 7:59 am
Jen said:
Really? The whole situation bothered you that much that you had to say that to a nineteen year old? Nice, dude, nice.
On 07/12/08 at 12:59 pm
kevin said:
Do you really think it bothered me or entertained me?
On 07/12/08 at 4:16 pm
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said:
The best/worse conversation I ever had when I was drunk? I once asked a lesbian couple if they used dildos. They said yes. Then I asked why they used them if they hated dick so much? It was funny to that point, until one of the lezzies got preachy and gave me a lecture on the prevelance of penis envy and the softness of women…
On 07/12/08 at 5:51 pm
Jeff said:
I think that was very sound advice, Kevin.
BTW, I haven’t been to the Beachcomber in years. I might have to head down there sometime after that story.
On 07/14/08 at 6:27 pm
Thomas said:
The ancient Babylonians believed that every idea should be considered both while sober and while intoxicated. Wisdom, they thought, lay somewhere in between the two states of being.
On 07/14/08 at 8:15 pm
Faith said:
The truth shall set you free….sorry but the whore deserved every bit of the great drunken advice you gave her.
The funniest drunk advice/statement I ever heard was, “My level is so high you can’t reach it….cause it’s nothing!”
Still trying desperately to figure it out…any suggestions!