Drunken Mistakes- Toasts aren’t always good
(This is a running diary from my vacation. This first entry was posted yesterday.)
Tuesday July 1st- I started out the day by going to the dentist for the second time in two weeks to finish up a round of work. When I asked the dentist if this visit was going to be easier than last week’s she just looked at me and laughed. That is never a good sign. After an hour and a half of pure torture that has to be the equivalent of water boarding I was on my way to Western, NY.
There is something mildly amusing to me to have a conversation with myself when half of my face is shot up with Novocain. So if anyone on the Mass Pike saw a guy driving around reciting lines from the Godfather and Caddyshack well, it was me.
As I approached Geneseo, NY I called around and talked to a few friends. My friend that runs a bar was around after a round of golf and was drinking. He invited me down. Of course I couldn’t resist a free beer so I met him at the bar. My initial idea of staying out just for a little bit so I would be fresh for the big night of drinking planned for the next day really didn’t end up panning out. Instead it became a massive drunk fest with an open bar tab and lots of shots. Geneseo is a college town and is a little dead during the summer but there was still a good mix of people out.
We made our way up to the Idle Hour and hung out with the owner up there for a bit. The drinking continued and we went back down to the Vital. When I walked in I noticed that most of the girls that were there were gone and that there were four young males at the front of the bar. I bought everyone a round of shots and sent four down to the guys at the end of the bar. I jokingly said, “This is for driving all the pussy out of the bar. Thanks for that.”
I might have also tossed out the line, “You should never send virgins to do a man’s work.”
And possibly, “Thanks for ruining my chances for getting my dick wet.”
There may have been a few other choice words but it was all in fun.
I went to the back of the bar to play darts. Apparently the entire time I was doing that the four guys at the front of the bar seethed, plotted, and stewed. When I returned to the front of the bar I was greeted with one of the kids standing up to me and saying, “Lets see if you think this is funny.”
He then proceeded to slap a jager bomb in a plastic cup across my face. The slap itself didn’t hurt at all, but the jagemeister in my eye really sucked. I pulled my shirt up to wipe out my eye for a second. Once I did that I noticed that all four guys leaving the bar, my friends were out back and didn’t see anything. (Otherwise there probably would have been a small riot.) So I decided to just walk outside and see if I could recreate Edward Norton asking the guy to put his mouth on the curb in “American History X”. (Well except without the racism and Nazi signs…)
(Note: I have gone out at this bar for 13 years and have never even had a drink tossed on me. Nor have I started a fight there in 13 years. So this was new ground for me. It was kind of like a home invasion except without the ski masks and me walking around carrying a baseball bat.)
As they walked to their white Jeep I started shouting stuff about cheap shots and that everyone is tough when the other person isn’t paying attention. The kid just kept walking. Which was probably a good thing because… well I would have gotten my head kicked in by four guys unless someone got my friends to the front. I need to remember that being drunk and tactical planning doesn’t go hand in hand. (This leads me to believe that our entire Iraq strategy was hatched out over a game of beer pong.)
I went into the bar and attempted to clean myself in the bathroom, the damage was done though and I walked around like Cameron Diaz in “Something About Mary”. Red Bull and Jaeger do not make a good hair gel.
Lesson Learned: Toasts should not include references to the toast recipients being “virgins” unless it is at a wedding.
Have you ever had a drink tossed at you?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com even though I hate their new rating system and will probably stop using the site shortly
Wow, new ground on day one! You did say you thought this trip could be formative.
I had a drink tossed at me at a party – by a male no less. He slapped me on the tail and asked me to get him another beer. Considering I had already dubbed him one of the biggest pricks I had ever met, I didn’t take to the order. But I got him another beer out of the fridge and shook the living shit out of it before handing it to him.
Luckily, when he tossed his old beer at me, it mostly hit the back of the party host instead, and the prick was thrown out with beer all over his turned up collar.
Wow. I thought guys were supposed to be able to take jokes. Maybe you should have apologized for making him feel like less of a man and then given him a hug and a cookie and a little trophy for showing up to the bar like a big boy in the first place.
Drunk + confrontation = “Why you taking my picture, officer?”
However stupid it would have been, that would have included something through that piece of shit Jeep’s windshield.
I almost had a drink spilled on me which would have led to a guy twice as fat as me knowing how the wall tastes. That fucking prick got on my nerves and he kept just barely controlling the liquid in that bottle. I was in no mood that day, either. I was pissed and agitated and it wouldn’t have taken much to piss me off. There’s always that guy and I’m not usually that guy, but that day was an exception.
Does sperm count as a drink?
Nevermind. Forget I asked.
Stupid blackouts.
Yeah, it’s a little known fact that John Ashcroft set up a beer pong table in the War Room.
You should have pulled out the “Do you know who I am?” line. Seemed like the perfect time to.
Save your humour for us … outsiders just don’t get you, man.
If I was one of the four guys, hell, I’d have laughed too. I suspect they did drive away the women, and that’s why they got mad.
the last time, well maybe not the last but it was for that night, that someone spilled a drink on me, it went all over my feet and legs. i just pointed at my feet kinda and started screaming. lol. no one came near my after that. i was standing on a stage too, with only my best mate on the other end of it.
if you’ve ever seen the ep of family guy, where i think its peter that hurts himself and hes on the ground going ‘ohhhh!’ again and again, it was like that
but i was standing. on a stage.
No, but I have thrown a drink on a guy. It was our first (and last) date. He told me I had beautiful lips and would like to see them wrapped around his cock.