I need to come up with a pen name
Lately my professional career has taken off and I am going to start getting some speaking opportunities. One thing that was discussed is that I need to make a little bit of a separation between pointlessbanter.net and my professional stuff. While I know some people are going to see this as selling it out is better than option one. They originally wanted me to delete everything.
Of course I laughed in their face when the idea of deleting everything came up. I told them what they would have to pay an exorbitant sum of money to delete this blog. (Believe it or not this crap is worth some scratch.) And then they decided writing under a pen name is a happy medium.
When I originally started writing in 2004 I wrote under a rotating group of names from various Saturday Night Live skits. However I want to kind of pick one name and stick with it. Here are some that I came up with and the reasons why.
I am open to suggestions and then I think we might have to hold a little vote next week.
Ty Webb or Mitch Cumstein
Like every male worth anything one of my favorite movies is Caddyshack. I think Ty Webb, played by Chevy Chase, is someone that is a lot like me. (Well except for the wealth, the golf game, and the fact he was banging Lacy Underall.)
The name doesn’t sound entirely fake, which is an added bonus.
Of course I could go with the name of his college roommate, Mitch Cumstein who was kicked out of college for night putting with the 15-year-old daughter of the Dean.
Bobby Finstock
Probably my favorite character in any movie ever, in fact I would say this would be my number one choice. Finstock imparted his wisdom and molded the minds of young men everywhere. You know kind of like the same thing I am doing.
Brian Fellow
This was my favorite MySpace name that I wrote under and was my profile when I started to get more than seven people reading me. Of course I don’t know if I want to be thought of as a flamboyant black animal enthusiast with a sixth grade education.
Mitchell Goosen
He is the lead character in Airborne. One of the most underrated films ever made.
And really, who doesn’t want to read the daily blog of a rollerblading badass from Cincinnati with a surfer lifestyle?
Cliff Pantone
He is lead male character in “Bring It On”…. I think I better quit while I am ahead.
What name do you think I should go with?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
Read the latest from Bobby Finstock
Read the latest from Donkeysosa
On 07/2/08 at 7:44 am
Katie said:
I’d go for the Cliff Pantone of course!
On 07/2/08 at 7:53 am
Meghan said:
So many of many favorite things just happened on this page. Mitch Cumstein might make us all giggle like school girls…but Bobby Finstock might be the way to go. I think of him as one of the great ’80s philosophers, myself.
No Winger, Sgt Hulka?
On 07/2/08 at 11:15 am
Kevin said:
stripes has become a sore subject around these parts. let me just say that I sat someone down to watch it and they hated it…
On 07/2/08 at 11:36 am
Meghan said:
Uh oh…
I chose to pick it for a rainy movie night and I got ‘You brought this? I hate this old school Bill Murray SHIT!’
It made me pout.
‘Fine! I’m taking my ball and I’m going home!’
On 07/2/08 at 8:16 am
Marty said:
Skins McSwagger, Knuckles Shapiro, Gambly Lennox, Golden Spankright (important: porno pen name only)… there are plenty of good options. Try the *first pet’s name + street you grew up on* formula.
On 07/2/08 at 11:15 am
Kevin said:
Teddy West?
On 07/2/08 at 7:01 pm
Scott said:
That’s not too bad.
Mine would be Dusty Laural which does kind of sound like a dirty 80s porn star name.
On 07/6/08 at 11:51 pm
Jessica said:
Mine would’ve been Sparky 4th Avenue… which I always found odd.
On 07/2/08 at 11:37 am
Meghan said:
‘Peaches Indiana.’
On 07/2/08 at 11:47 am
Vince said:
Buster Winchester
On 07/2/08 at 12:52 pm
leigh said:
muffin alaska.
On 07/2/08 at 2:44 pm
Karl Rove said:
Rex Birch. Nice.
On 07/2/08 at 8:40 am
LOTNorm said:
Edgar Essex
Jake Untsneiffer
Mike M. Lichter
Dick Trickle
On 07/2/08 at 9:31 am
LOTNorm said:
or Pilot VBall Grip
On 07/2/08 at 11:16 am
Kevin said:
It took me a second but I got that… damn I am hung over
On 07/2/08 at 8:50 am
jeremy said:
ballpoint.
On 07/2/08 at 8:57 am
Rickey Henderson said:
If Rickey may make a recommendation: you can’t go wrong with impersonating a famous athelete. Give serious thought to using “Julio Franco” as a pen name.
On 07/2/08 at 11:16 am
Kevin said:
who doesn’t want to write with the name of an 80 year old baseball player?
On 07/2/08 at 8:57 am
leigh said:
this is so random. i just watched teen wolf night before last and caddyshack last night.
personally, i think you should go with eric stratton. damn glad to meet you.
On 07/2/08 at 11:17 am
Kevin said:
oh… I didn’t even think of Animal House… so many names
On 07/2/08 at 9:21 am
Dorion said:
Arch Stanton - The Good the Bad and the Ugly - it was the name on tombstone that the money was supposed to be buried under.
On 07/2/08 at 11:18 am
Kevin said:
I like that… wait would that mean I’m dead?
On 07/2/08 at 10:03 am
Meg said:
I’m thinking something a bit more catchy like: Kilgore Trout McLovin’
On 07/2/08 at 11:18 am
Kevin said:
That is actually my birth name
On 07/2/08 at 10:10 am
moooooog35 said:
Here…try these:
1) Stephen Hawking
2) Phil Yurbocks
3) Kip Winger
4) Puffy Labia
On 07/2/08 at 11:19 am
Kevin said:
Puffy Labia is actually my girlfriend’s nickname
On 07/2/08 at 10:16 am
Jeremy said:
It is more of a womans name but how about Anita Dyck
On 07/2/08 at 11:20 am
Kevin said:
Yeah that might not be the way to go
On 07/2/08 at 10:20 am
Mark D said:
Dwight Schrute, for some reason I can this…
On 07/2/08 at 10:39 am
Kari said:
Bear Gryllz?
Stan Darsh?
Mitch McFannie?
On 07/2/08 at 11:27 am
Kevin said:
I like the name of mitch in general
On 07/2/08 at 10:41 am
Lord Likely said:
Might I suggest either Writey McPen? Scribbles O’Letters? Nibs Nibsworthy? Or Charles Dickens?
On 07/2/08 at 11:26 am
Kevin said:
Scribble O Letters might be the name of my new dog
On 07/2/08 at 10:46 am
The Rocketman said:
1) Dragin Mitool
2) Enk Weldipper
3) Lychin Trench
4) Nin Ja’Gaiden
5) Lincoln Carville
On 07/2/08 at 11:24 am
Kevin said:
Lynchin Trench sounds like I am doing something illegal to the lead rapper in Naughty by Nature
On 07/2/08 at 10:50 am
Vince said:
I like Bobby Finstock but you should change it to Robert Finstock. My personal favorite has always been Max Power, Homer Simpson used it and became popular why can’t you. Besides its the name you want to touch but shouldn’t touch.
Airbourne is the one of the most underrated ever made and I can’t help but watch it whenever its on.
On 07/2/08 at 11:23 am
Kevin said:
Robert Finstock might be the way to go. It also sounds classy.
On 07/2/08 at 11:53 am
Vince said:
And slightly professional. Plus only true fans of Coach Finstock will get the reference.
On 07/2/08 at 10:55 am
Destiny said:
While I loved Airborne, I think you should go with Bobby Finstock. Or you could go with any of the prank names Bart Simpson uses to call Moe’s Bar on the Simpsons. =P
On 07/2/08 at 11:21 am
Kevin said:
I wonder if there is a list online of all of them
On 07/2/08 at 2:59 pm
LOTNorm said:
Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such blog as “Honkey Who be Rapping Like I Do: A Blog on Interracial Interaction”, “Just A Little Deeper, Daddy: A Blog on Oil Drilling Families”, or “Living with a Concave Penis”… that… that one’s just mine, but Hi, I’m Troy McClure here with a comment. You might remember me from such comments as “You should have that looked at”, “I was bowlegged after that night”, and “Seriously, dude, you should have someone take a look at that”. Have you been looking for a new pen name, pseudonym, or just need to hide out for a while? Good, then check out my newest blog “I’m Not That Guy Who I Am: A Blog by Someone Else”.
On 07/2/08 at 11:14 am
em em said:
Ha, I thought Kevin Freaking was your pen name. Maybe you could go by Kip Pokenstein. Then it’s still your initials and easy to remember.
On 07/2/08 at 11:21 am
Kevin said:
It was on myspace but it didn’t catch on over here.
On 07/2/08 at 11:30 am
Alejandro said:
how about if you use MacKevin! simple and effective like MacGyver, thinking about that you can also use, Mactaker.
On 07/2/08 at 12:55 pm
Zac Davis said:
Mark Twain - the pen name of all pen names. OR you could try Mitch Webb. Mitch Cumstein wouldn’t work because it’s well, a cum stain.
On 07/2/08 at 1:09 pm
Charlotte said:
Bobby Finstock or XoxKevin69
On 07/2/08 at 1:26 pm
Jenn said:
Have you considered any of the fine fake names from “Fletch”?
Like John Cocktoasten?
Claude Everett Poon?
Elmer Fudd Gantry?
On 07/2/08 at 1:46 pm
randi said:
John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt.
Because that’s my name too.
On 07/2/08 at 2:05 pm
Atenea said:
I like Bob Loblaw. You know, that lawyer from arrested development. I always giggled like a schoolgirl when he came on. Bob Loblaw Law blog. Hee hee hee
On 07/2/08 at 4:53 pm
Vivienne said:
I think Hugo Hombre has an exotic and slightly suggestive tone. All girls like slight suggestions. It also reminds me of those “The most interesting man in the world” commercials from Dos Equis. I love those.
On 07/2/08 at 5:56 pm
clientsideshow bob said:
You could always fuck with Hollywood, turning some of their names around to create a new one for you:
Barry Drewmore
Folin Carrell
Harrison Chrysler
Anything with ‘Mc’ in the last name is golden. With your fondness for Mitch, perhaps Mitch McScribe.
On 07/2/08 at 7:19 pm
Scott said:
McBloggin’
Mike Hunt
Peter Gibbons (Office Space)
Brian Fantana or Brick Tamland (Anchorman)
Sammy Jenkins (Memento)
White Goodman or Cotton McKnight or Pepper Brooks(Dodgeball)
Phillip Ontakos (maybe Taco Bell would sponsor?)
Combine alcohol brands: Jack Morgan
On 07/2/08 at 7:49 pm
renalfailure said:
If you want a more international appeal, combine “Mitch” with a soccer name. Mitch Schweinsteiger. Because I don’t get to say Schweinsteiger nearly enough in my daily life.
On 07/3/08 at 6:54 am
Augusto said:
From the world of the silver screen, I would cast my vote for Chauncy Gardner because I adored the work of Peter Sellers and that was his last character which he played in ‘Being There’ with Shirley McLain.
I will never forget him telling her “I like to watch” which she assumed was masterbation but he really meant TV.
It also featured the spectacular Biltmore as the set.
On 07/3/08 at 8:33 pm
Jinksy said:
I think only one name is truly suitable.
Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute.
On 07/4/08 at 5:41 am
Vanessa said:
My favorite one, which you made up awhile ago on another one of your blogs, is Craven Vag.
On 07/4/08 at 5:27 pm
Alex said:
We used to get high/drunk and try to convince others that Clint Eastwood’s name was Clyde Eastman and they were stupid to think Clink Eastwood was his name. Some people fell for it or at least said they did because they wanted us to stop. Anyway, Clyde Eastman has a nice ring to me.
On 07/5/08 at 6:38 pm
Jeff said:
Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski)
On 07/6/08 at 4:21 pm
chefkarl said:
fred garvin
male prostitute
On 07/7/08 at 12:28 am
Stephanie said:
You should totally go with one of Bart Simpson’s made up names. Mike Rotch is classic. “Hello everyone, my name is Mike Rotch”
On 07/8/08 at 5:22 am
Spam said:
Mitch Cumstein!!
On 07/10/08 at 8:11 pm
Kelly O'Roscoe said:
I would just go for my bosses name, Tony Bologna. No kidding…
Or… Dick Sparkles.
Or Ricosuave Richards, and then we could all call you Ricky Dicks.