An Ode to Tarah: The Sluttiest Slut I’ve Ever Known
Over a lifetime you routinely run into people that are at a level of pathetic you thought you would never see. Even though you shouldn’t be surprised you actually end up shocked amazed that people are that sad. You know like a single father that got canned for being on MySpace at work and hasn’t had a job for a year. Yet he finds the time to spend a large percentage of his day trying to get girls to write his name on their tits and send him pictures instead of trying to get a steady paycheck. Then harasses people that don’t like him to see if they can get him an Internet television show because after having his MySpace profile deleted for the 5th time he has realized he has no real vehicle for reaching his dream. (Which is to have a talk radio show even though he has voice of one of the Chipmunks. And the IQ of a squeezable ketchup bottle.) When all you have left in your legacy is a crappy Blog Talk Radio show that is not only super self involved and has no appeal past your sycophant fans but you also had people call in more than once under a different name in order to make it sound like the show is more popular than it is. Oh, and you have a failed website maybe it is time to reevaluate how you spend your time? Like you know, not shacking up at friend’s homes and figuring out how to get your life straightened out.
But back to the sluttiest slut I have ever known.
I was dating a girl with a friend named Tarah aka T-Mac, she kind of had a reputation for sleeping with everyone and possibly everything that was or wasn’t nailed down. There was an unfounded rumor about a bedpost. The whole bedpost thing is always an urban legend that goes around when talking about a slutty girl, however I honestly wouldn’t put it past her. In fact I would place money on there is videotape out there with her and a four-corner post bed, also probably one with her and a clown car. (Maybe I am making the second one up.) T-Mac also had a reputation for sleeping with my girlfriend’s boyfriends. (Yet they were still friends at the time, I still am trying to figure the logic out on that one.)
Over the first summer my girlfriend and I were dating, T-Mac was hanging out at my apartment often. My one loser housemate Marty, the one that got Chlamydia after sleeping with a girl that may or may not have been retarded, kept trying to put the moves on her. However, T-Mac wouldn’t give it up. It may have something to do with the fact that he looked like a combination of Alfred E. Newman and Dumbo. Over that summer she slept with two of my Marty’s little brother’s friends yet never with him. Yet when she was trashed and needed a place to crash she would end up in Marty’s bed. (Does it say something bad about him that he could never sleep with a drunken whore? I shouldn’t say whore that is derogatory, how about “a girl with a casual moral attitude?”)
On one of these nights my girlfriend had to go home early because she had to get up for work the next day. She left a drunken T-Mac behind. T-Mac went on to get hammered and decided she would go sleep in Marty’s bedroom. A few hours after everyone settled down a still drunken T-Mac decided that it was time that she attempted to sleep with me. She got up, totally naked, and began to roam around our apartment looking for me. First she went into my housemate’s younger brothers room (which he split with a friend) and they shoved her out of the room after she walked into it. While this may have proven that they were totally gay it was probably done in fear that crabs would crawl out of her vagina and nest somewhere in their room.
Next she walked into my other housemate’s room. My housemate was dating a girl at the time that was sleeping over. (Who he would later get engaged to.) T-Mac walked into the room, woke up my friend’s girlfriend, and proceeded to pass out on his floor stark naked. Needless to say my friend’s girlfriend wasn’t all that happy, she screamed and woke up my roommate. (Who probably likes sleep more than anyone I know.) He promptly asked, “What the fuck am I suppose to do?” Then tossed a sheet on her naked body and fell back asleep.
The T-Mac incident was a source of arguments for many years between these two. She wrongly thought that T-Mac was out to sleep with him but she could not have been more incorrect, T-Mac was just directionally challenged.
T-Mac never made it to my room; in fact she was banned from my house pretty much after that night. That was decided by a combination of my housemates and my girlfriend. Apparently the day after T-Mac told my girlfriend that she was openly on the prowl for my room and was going to try and “test” me to see how loyal I was. With friends like these I don’t know how anyone needs enemies. Needless to say they didn’t remain friends long after that.
Who is the sluttiest person you ever met?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com.
On 06/27/08 at 8:13 am
marcie said:
I think you dont like Jabs either huh lol
anyways sluttiest person I know. This cunt who is my age …23…she has 4 kids, from 3 dads all of which were taken from her because she left them in the car while inside fuckin random uy number 507 …
new man every week….and she only fucks dudes that are taken…did i mention she is married too but the hubby is in prison?
I punched her in her mouth one time because she tried to sleep with ME
now,,,if i wasnt afraid of incurables….maybe i would have done it since she slept with my boyfriend at the time as well…
I hate slutty sluts…what happened to the days of regular sluts that wernt extra slutty???
On 06/27/08 at 8:24 am
Kevin said:
She sounds like a perfectly normal girl.
On 06/27/08 at 8:42 am
Marty said:
What?? She beat the guy who did it with the dog??
On 06/27/08 at 8:45 am
Kevin said:
He wasn’t really a slut as much as he was um… just wrong
On 06/27/08 at 8:50 am
jamie said:
hmm the plot thickens with the non-mentioned guy above, anyway…I try not to label anyone, I wish I could be a little more slutty myself, so I silently judge those who are sexually free while secretly wishing it was me.
We did have this new girl come to the barracks, nicknamed Sticky Nicky..something to do with 7 guys in 5 days…the term “you could throw a rock and hit someone she’s been with” has also been muttered…
On 06/27/08 at 8:53 am
Kevin said:
Sticky Nicky… that is awesome.
It is okay to let your inner slut out… As long as I can film it.
On 06/27/08 at 9:10 am
Katie said:
My brother would probably have to be the sluttiest person I’ve ever known, considering he was juggling three or four women at one time.
On 06/27/08 at 9:22 am
Kevin said:
So his pimp hand is strong?
On 06/27/08 at 9:42 am
moooooog35 said:
Do animals count?
If not, then I’ll have to start over.
On 06/27/08 at 9:43 am
Kevin said:
Wait for the screwing or the screwed?
On 06/27/08 at 10:20 am
em em said:
Definitely one of the girls on my cheerleading squad in high school (suh-prise suh-prise right?). She was from Panama and spoke skank better than she spoke English. She slept with most of the football team, and some of the other cheerleaders’ boyfriends, including her sister’s, who she slept with in the same bed where said sister was sleeping at the time, and when the same guy was dating another girl on our squad, she slept with him while at a party the other girl was also attending- all the while she was engaged to another football player. The rest of us literally wouldnt’ let her drink out of our water bottles when we heard a rumor that she like to toss salads.
On 06/27/08 at 10:29 am
Kevin said:
She liked to toss salads in high school? WTF?
On 06/27/08 at 4:34 pm
Tori said:
Hey, now, I was a cheerleader in high school and I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. Let’s not use stereotypes here.
On 06/27/08 at 10:27 am
Cigar smoking beer drinking lawyer said:
vent much?
On 06/27/08 at 10:28 am
Kevin said:
It is like a colonic
On 06/27/08 at 10:54 am
Meghan said:
I might have lost a potential boyfriend over my Old Roommate Jenna…she tramped around our fav Pubs and never left the house without condoms. She was pretty proud of that.
I liked a guy that hung around the same spots, he would always come up and talk to me, blah blah, but I was totally intimidated by him.
Cut to one night up late watching tv and Jenna comes stumbling into the apt with the guy I liked trailing past me into her bedroom.
He’s in there for about 30 seconds, comes back out to the living room and says..
“I only brought her home because she was trashed. You gotta know I like you by now, I think you’re a total sweetheart,…but you live with the biggest fucking whore I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t know how you handle that bitch.”
And then just got up and walked out. Never saw him again.
On 06/27/08 at 11:06 am
Kevin said:
Was she hot? Was it when you live in Boston? And do you keep in touch?
On 06/27/08 at 11:13 am
Meghan said:
She cleaned up well, like - ‘make-up hot’ (floozy hot?) but got pretty dirty and sloppy soon after leaving the apt. She’s around - I could probably throw a dart and a map of the bars in Allston and hit the stool she is perched upon. At 30 I like to keep my friends STD free - I’m all growns up.
On 06/27/08 at 11:20 am
Kevin said:
I don’t want my dick to fall off… Damn
On 06/27/08 at 11:40 am
Mandygirl said:
I’ve actually seen porn that contained a girl doing a car. Not a clown car… but maybe it was her?
On 06/27/08 at 11:49 am
Kevin said:
It very well could have been.
On 06/27/08 at 11:42 am
Tiffany P. said:
I was pretty tarty in my day.
I didn’t go after O.P.P, and I didn’t cheat on my boyfriends.
I just behaved like a guy.
If I was single, and I wanted some, I went out and got some.
And didn’t expect a phonecall. (most of the time i’d rather that there wasn’t)
Nuttin’ wrong with that. I even had one guy that I met through the boyfriend of a friend. We had an “unspoken” arrangement with. Few months would go by…he’d “call” say “hey what’s up” and (if we both were single)we’d go out to dinner, drinks, shoot some pool or whatever, with the full knowledge that we’d end up at my place or his. So since the definition of a “whore” is someone who gets paid for sex..yeah i guess I was. But hey! living alone in the city is expensive! A girl’s gotta eat!
After I settled down and got engaged, I got a call from him years later. Seems he was engaged, too. And I got the sense from the call that he wishes *we* could have been together. Aw.
On 06/27/08 at 11:50 am
Kevin said:
How cute?
On 06/28/08 at 4:23 am
Ralph said:
no. how pathetic.
On 06/28/08 at 4:25 am
Tiffany P. said:
WTF!!!!!????!!!!!!!!
*I* wrote that reply above…
i don’t know WHO the f*ck “ralph” is, or how the hell his name and email got into my computer. i live with a jason.
WTF???????
On 06/27/08 at 3:39 pm
Karl Rove said:
I went to a small high school, but like 1/4 of the girls in my graduating class ended up pregnant. It was a dangerous place to be, that’s for sure. It’s like that Gloucester story, minus the pregnancy pact.
On 06/27/08 at 4:42 pm
Tori said:
Ha, I can’t believe you even still think about him. He’s such a raging douche.
And I think the sluttiest person I’ve ever met would be me. My friends were all super Christian and like, half of them are still virgins and the rest are married. So pretty much, having sex at all makes me slutty, comparatively speaking.
Or my poor roommate, who doesn’t want to be a slut, but sort of is, because she’s so lonely out here that she dates substandard guys from craigslist or myspace for a couple of weeks, lets them convince her to sleep with them, and then drives them so crazy by calling and texting a million times a day that they never call her again. The more friends she makes, the less slutty she gets, so at least we’ve figured out the solution.
On 06/27/08 at 7:52 pm
Jeff said:
I went to college with a girl nicknamed “Sloppy Jo.” I took her to my fraternity formal and she ended up fucking one of out alumni in a sleeping bag on top of a dirty mattress in an empty room in the fraternity house, which was basically one step up from a crackhouse. She also nailed two of my fraternity brothers in the same day.
On 06/28/08 at 8:18 am
LOTNorm said:
I would say you should have fucked her, but then I’d have to shower again.
On 06/28/08 at 10:47 pm
Chris C said:
I still can’t get past the guy that calls his own blog radio show. It was funny when Anthony of Opie & Anthony used to phone in and pretend to be Ronald Reagan but the bit was friggin’ hilarious.
On 07/7/08 at 1:45 am
Cherie James said:
I have missed you.
I don’t know from sluts. I have been called one when I was still a virgin so I tend not to buy into labels.
I do know a few women I call “festering snatches”, however.