Reader News: Some People Are More Twisted Than I Am
I love the fact that people that read this crap on a daily basis take time to send me various stories. Sometimes I write about them and sometimes they make me want to take a bath in a mixture of bleach, Ajax, and Dawn. All I know is I love the fact that people are much more twisted than I am.
Here are some of the classic stories I was sent this week:
Japan is a hotbed of grandpa porn
The story: Basically Japan has a budding 1 billion dollar elder porn business.
My reaction: 50 years of radiation poisoning and small dicks will lead people to do crazy things. There is nothing worse than a movie with saggy tits and crinkly old man balls.
Gloucester Teens Had Pact To Get Pregnant
The story: This originally broke a few weeks ago and we were talking about it at work. There was a huge “outbreak” of teens getting pregnant, all under the age of 16. It was later reported by TIME that the girls all had a pact to get knocked up together. In fact some girls were more upset when they found out that they weren’t pregnant than when they found out they were.
That is all pretty screwed up right? Well it gets better.
One of the girls fucked a 24-year-old homeless guy to get knocked up. Yup… She was so desperate to keep up with her friends that she hooked up with a homeless dude.
My reaction: How far is Gloucester away from me? Because apparently even smelly ass drunk guys that live in a cardboard box can get some play down there.
I want to meet the girl that came up with this idea. What is amazing to me is she got people to jump on board with this plan. More than ten people actually thought this was a good idea. How the hell is that possible?
S Africa Chinese Become Black
The story: The 200,000 ethnic Chinese people took the government to court saying they have been discriminated against when applying for loans and other special assistance because they were classified as white. The court ruled that they were now classified as black.
My reaction: I guess Tiger Woods is just half white and half black now, it gets that pesky Asian heritage right out of there. (wow kind of stepped on that joke with the picture leading the way… oh well)
Japanese Woman Caught Living in a Man’s Closet
The story: A homeless lady snuck into an unlocked house over 1 year ago and has lived in the crawl space of a closet ever since. She was caught after the homeowner noticed food was missing.
My reaction: Well she could always move to Gloucester, they treat the homeless right over there.
And for you commentors out there:
Everyone have a good weekend, I am off to Saratoga for some concerts, drinking, hiking, and general fun.
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
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On 06/20/08 at 7:44 am
Isha said:
How would Tiger be half white half black in this equation?? He would be at least almost totally black with a hint of “native american” Seeming his dad was black and mixed with native american or something rather….ok ….I know more about Tiger than I need to.
BTW Kevin….totally off topic..
What would you do if you had pesky neighbors that do illegal stuff in the house and the cops don’t do anything?
On 06/20/08 at 7:55 am
Kevin said:
You are totally right. I screwed up the equation.
Damn… It is my bad.
Depends on the illegal stuff and if you can get a cut.
On 06/20/08 at 7:48 am
Meghan said:
Gloucester has beautiful beaches and New England Charm…just be careful around the rock walls and tide pools because that’s where they shoot their heroin at night…when they aren’t fucking the homeless that is.
On 06/20/08 at 7:56 am
Kevin said:
I can’t wait to spend a day there.
On 06/20/08 at 8:00 am
Meghan said:
It is beautiful, really. But townies are townies, and Gloucester is a little full of itself. At the very least, go for the Lobster Roll.
On 06/20/08 at 8:41 am
sporkgasm said:
i saw the japan story on conan last night *shiver*. i know at least 10 people just in my town who are more twisted than you. you put forth one hell of an effort though.
On 06/20/08 at 9:02 am
Kevin said:
Thank you for setting the bar for me to make a run at.
On 06/20/08 at 9:45 am
em em said:
How creepy that some lady lived in somebody’s house without being noticed. I wonder whose clothes she wore?? =(
On 06/20/08 at 11:30 am
bishop said:
i guess that makes me more twisted than you because i’ve read all those accept the one on the porn but i did see the head line damn you reddit
On 06/20/08 at 12:54 pm
tiffany p. said:
YAY!
i was hoping that the pregnancy story i sent you would be twisted enough for your commentary.
but i think the elder porn beats it.
and as far as the tiger woods math:
his dad, Earl, was half black, one-quarter American Indian and one-quarter Chinese.
His mother, Kultida, is half Thai, one-quarter Chinese and one-quarter white.
this would make tiger 1/4 black, 1/8 American Indian, 1/8 Chinese, 1/4 Thai, 1/8 Chinese, and 1/8 white.
and we combine like terms:
1/4 black, 1/4 chinese, 1/4 Thai, and 1/8 white.
where his other 1/8 goes, i have no idea.
anyway you cut it he’s not half anything.
On 06/20/08 at 12:54 pm
tiffany p. said:
oops forgot the 1/8 american indian.
On 06/20/08 at 5:09 pm
Kass said:
I’m the homeless lady living in YOUR closet.
On 06/20/08 at 5:43 pm
LOTNorm said:
I’d like to say I’ve seen Japanese Grandpa porn.
I’ve seen Japanese Grandpa porn.
On 06/20/08 at 8:25 pm
Jeff said:
I gotta go with the Japanese grandpa porn as the most twisted one on this list. That’s just fucked up. Although if there’s some karate mixed in, it could be pretty cool, as long as they’re not naked.
On 06/21/08 at 9:11 pm
Chris C said:
I grew up in Peabody, a few towns over and the Gloucester girls never put out. I think I was born like 25 years too late.
On 06/23/08 at 10:26 am
Mo said:
I can’t imagine watching old people have sex. Gives me shivers just thinking about it.