Hup and Steph: When social networking friend adding goes wrong
People add me randomly on a lot of different social media sites. Being a self-promotional whore I am totally okay with that. Every time someone adds me I take a second to look at his or her profile. I don’t do this because I care who they are necessarily and feel like I need to establish a personal connection with them. The reason I look is because I am horribly vain and secretly hope that the person adding me is one of three people or types of people I should say:
1) Someone in the media wanting to make me famous.
2) A certain newspaper reporter that referred to me as a “depraved youth”.
3) An ex girlfriend or a girl I have had sex with.
Really I look forward to number three the most because it is the only one that happens from time to time. There is nothing better than having the “catch up” conversation where I subtly drop in everything good that has happened to me personally and professionally in the last few years. Then when they inform me that they are married and have a kid I just reply, “oh how suburban”. Of course the conversation then turns to me badgering them to rate me sexually against their current husband or boyfriend so my own frail ego will be boosted. (Just kidding, I actually weep and ask, “What went wrong?” Over and over and over and over.)
I need to seek therapy.
Yesterday I received a slew of invites from a person on a few different social networks. I checked them out and ended up at their blog http://www.hupandsteph.com. They have some fun videos and pictures documenting their move out west and logging their visits to various Palo Alto restaurants. I sat there going through their content, which is entertaining. When I looked up at the clock I realized that an hour of my life had gone by… well I was shocked.
Why did I sit there for an hour?
While Hup seems like an all right guy and someone I would probably be a friend with in real life, that wasn’t it. I think I feel the need to admit that I would want to douse Steph in Grey Poupon and whisper dirty things in her ear in German while doing things that we read in Cosmo. (Note: I don’t like Grey Poupon or speak German but I do occasionally pick up an issue of Cosmo.)
When I ran this idea by the GF she wasn’t very enthused. I think she summed it up like this, “I would cut your cock off.” (Okay maybe she didn’t use that phrase and maybe we didn’t discuss it but maybe I like to imagine she would say these words. She would actually do something passive aggressively. Like dumping water onto my keyboard so I couldn’t photoshop pictures of Steph and I together.)
I guess what I am saying is it is nice to meet you Hup and Steph. And I will fanatically track your relationship status on facebook secretly hoping that one day Steph will be listed as single and looking for “random play”. At that moment I will swoop in and make my move.
Do you stalk people that add you on social networking sites?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
On 06/19/08 at 7:37 am
Meghan said:
I’m always pretty quick to comment here, but I never saw you covered in mustard. Plus I’m a little lazy and read about three different profiles. I do have someone one mine that send me a message every time I change my ‘mood’.
On 06/19/08 at 7:43 am
Kevin said:
that is a tad bit creepy… the whole mood stalker thing
On 06/19/08 at 7:43 am
Chris in Kingston said:
I only stalk you Kevin - and I’m surprised those human mustard bottles didn’t “squirt”
On 06/19/08 at 7:44 am
Kevin said:
I think they are bananas… so maybe it would be banana cream pie
On 06/19/08 at 7:45 am
Chris in Kingston said:
oh they’re bananas!!! well that changes everything ^_^
On 06/19/08 at 8:23 am
DeadRooster said:
They probably saw your Charlie Chaplin mustache and couldn’t resit you (or maybe they were drawn to the German version).
She is definitely a hottie. I bet she’d go good with barbecue sauce and sauerkraut.
On 06/19/08 at 8:25 am
kevin said:
I think I might have to go from mustard to BBQ sauce. That might be the move.
I have a feeling they would go with the second styling of facial hair, they just look German.
On 06/19/08 at 9:31 am
CrummyJoel said:
Hup and Steph added me yesterday also. They must be making the humor-blogs.com rounds.
And you are correct: She is, as they say, a “10″. Unless the scale is out of 10, in which case she’s a “17″.
On 06/19/08 at 9:46 am
kevin said:
So you are saying we are about to be hit up for something
On 06/19/08 at 12:56 pm
CrummyJoel said:
In fact, I was promised as such. Weren’t you?
On 06/19/08 at 3:20 pm
Kevin said:
I feel totally ripped off. If it was nude pictures I totally lost out
On 06/19/08 at 9:39 am
moooooog35 said:
I can’t stalk anyone.
My global restraining order specifically disallows it.
Chris Hansen SUCKS.
On 06/19/08 at 9:46 am
kevin said:
He is such a dick… screw Hansen…
I guess that can work for the band as well
On 06/19/08 at 10:10 am
steph said:
Wow guys… you’re making me blush…
Can we make the change to BBQ sauce? I much prefer that over grey poupon
On 06/19/08 at 10:21 am
Kevin said:
And she is a fan of BBQ… who knew?
On 06/19/08 at 11:30 am
Hup said:
Kevin - I am both honored to be featured in your digital slice of life and extremely happy that you are an entire country away from my girlfriend.
Now, tell me the truth, it was the ‘banana split’ picture that sealed the deal, wasn’t it? You naughty, naughty boy.
Hopefully for you(and me) your girlfriend will never have to cut your cock off.
p.s. They say that stalking is one of the highest forms of flattery, so thanks for the ego boost.
See you on the News Feed, brother.
On 06/19/08 at 11:32 am
Kevin said:
Oh it put it over the top.
On 06/19/08 at 11:30 am
Adam(PixelHead) said:
Hmm, never did stalk anyone or been stalked by anyone I met via a social network…I must not have the right bodyparts…thanks for the warning though, I’ll have to stay away from Hup and Stephs site as I really don’t want to waste anymore time.
On 06/19/08 at 11:34 am
Kevin said:
You have without a doubt wasted enough here.
On 06/19/08 at 12:22 pm
LinksMonkey said:
Great post, but the mustard & BBQ sauce are just wrong. Wrong!
Go with a non-dairy topping & throw in some plastic army men.
On 06/19/08 at 3:20 pm
Kevin said:
the guy with the bazooka could get jammed in the wrong place
On 06/19/08 at 12:35 pm
em em said:
I haven’t stalked anyone but I have followed drama stories around in the little circles they go in for entertainment purposes. So I guess that’s equally as nosy as stalking…
On 06/19/08 at 3:19 pm
Kevin said:
Drama is never boring
On 06/19/08 at 12:46 pm
Hup said:
I stalked myself once, but I lost interest quickly due to the lack of a challenge.
On 06/19/08 at 1:01 pm
Gabbi said:
Kevin I must be honest with you……In my mind….. you look HOT naked and you lust after me!
LOL
On 06/19/08 at 2:26 pm
Kevin said:
I’ll take it
On 06/19/08 at 1:54 pm
LOTNorm said:
Most people choose against adding me on social networking sites… I don’t know why…
As for stalking? Well, I think we found our reason why people don’t add me…
On 06/19/08 at 2:25 pm
Kevin said:
It all ties together doesn’t it?
On 06/19/08 at 2:07 pm
Bryan said:
I’ll have to check out their site. But you do that shit too? I’m tracking a few hotties on my space waiting for the stink of “In A Relationship” to wear off. It’s my own fault, being too busy for booty has taken it’s tole.
On 06/19/08 at 2:24 pm
Kevin said:
It is my hobby.
On 06/19/08 at 2:15 pm
Fatone said:
Someone needs to get a life and stop going after other peoples lives. If your life is bad fix it: get a new job, move somewhere more exciting, anything..
On 06/19/08 at 2:24 pm
Kevin said:
Wait who is that directed towards?
On 06/19/08 at 2:31 pm
Hup said:
I think that the one dude that never got laid from N’Sync just called you out, Kevin.
Speaking of bad jobs, at east we weren’t the host of The Singing Bee.
On 06/19/08 at 3:19 pm
Kevin said:
I am going to track him down and kick his fat ass.
On 06/19/08 at 2:37 pm
Vince said:
I have been having problems getting to your posts through myspace the past couple of days whats going on with that?
On 06/19/08 at 2:47 pm
Kevin said:
It is fixed. There was an issue with the page when viewed with internet explorer, it is all corrected.
On 06/19/08 at 3:02 pm
Vince said:
I blame myspace.
On 06/19/08 at 3:16 pm
Kevin said:
Sounds good to me
On 06/19/08 at 2:53 pm
Meghan said:
Wow,
First that Deepak/Bukkake guy, now Hup and Steph are coming back to show you love. High roller…Did you blush?
On 06/19/08 at 3:18 pm
Kevin said:
LOL… I would like to consider myself a star maker but really who the hell am I?
At least I wasn’t getting cease and desist letters.
On 06/19/08 at 3:07 pm
GetSmartGal said:
Hysterical, glad I stumbled onto you (ya pun intended) I will definitely check back to check out your banter. And no I am not a girl you knew in the past…sorry!
On 06/19/08 at 3:15 pm
Kevin said:
well glad you found me…
On 06/19/08 at 3:14 pm
Mandygirl said:
Wow… everything you typed left my brain when I saw that pic of her with the bananas. *now stalks hup and steph too*
On 06/19/08 at 3:15 pm
Kevin said:
I am sure we can arrange something
On 06/19/08 at 5:00 pm
Hup said:
For $9.95/month you can get a login into Hup and Step *Platunim*.
It’s a whole different site altogether.
On 06/19/08 at 5:02 pm
Hup said:
Wow, that would be Hup and Steph *Platinum* for all of you non-dyslexics.
On 06/19/08 at 4:49 pm
Marcie said:
im the least stalker type person I know…
On 06/19/08 at 5:24 pm
Karl Rove said:
Well, I’m glad that the problem was fixed in time for me to see those pictures…er, this blog.
On 06/20/08 at 5:41 am
kevin said:
I shouldn’t have even written anything
On 06/19/08 at 6:14 pm
Jason Puppykiller said:
I checked out the link rankings on Myspace, and apparently my “Block user” link is second only to yours:)..Wow dude, you weren’t kidding about that Steph, I’ll have to start stalking them too:)
On 06/20/08 at 5:41 am
kevin said:
we are cut out of the same pervert clothe
On 06/19/08 at 6:32 pm
Ally said:
The only person I stalk is you Kevin, I follow your every move, your girlfriend doesnt like it but perhaps one day she will decide to join in on some fun lol
On 06/20/08 at 5:40 am
kevin said:
there really is nothing wrong with that
On 06/20/08 at 3:05 am
Kimberly said:
I can’t do anything for you? Not really anything.
So true… I am on the same page.
Here’s to leaving a comment on your page, hoping it will lead to more traffic on my funny site?
Oh and… your blog is funny too!
THanks for the laughs!
Greetings from LA wishing you abundance.
On 06/20/08 at 9:12 am
Maria said:
Let me add you on several socials…. ha ha
On 06/20/08 at 10:30 pm
matty said:
I’d do Steph in a Boston minute. Which is about the time it would take to me finish.
On 06/21/08 at 5:15 pm
Regretful Morning said:
I want to bang a few of the girls who have added me on blog catalog. Even though the only pic I’ve seen is a tiny thumbnail of them.
On 07/7/08 at 1:30 pm
Yuck said:
Hup is an icky arrogant hick. Steph is a typical stupid attention whore. And you are a stalker du jour. Put Grey Poupon on THAT!
On 07/7/08 at 1:38 pm
Kevin said:
Wha?????