People add me randomly on a lot of different social media sites. Being a self-promotional whore I am totally okay with that. Every time someone adds me I take a second to look at his or her profile. I don’t do this because I care who they are necessarily and feel like I need to establish a personal connection with them. The reason I look is because I am horribly vain and secretly hope that the person adding me is one of three people or types of people I should say:
1) Someone in the media wanting to make me famous.
2) A certain newspaper reporter that referred to me as a “depraved youth”.
3) An ex girlfriend or a girl I have had sex with.
Really I look forward to number three the most because it is the only one that happens from time to time. There is nothing better than having the “catch up” conversation where I subtly drop in everything good that has happened to me personally and professionally in the last few years. Then when they inform me that they are married and have a kid I just reply, “oh how suburban”. Of course the conversation then turns to me badgering them to rate me sexually against their current husband or boyfriend so my own frail ego will be boosted. (Just kidding, I actually weep and ask, “What went wrong?” Over and over and over and over.)
I need to seek therapy.
Yesterday I received a slew of invites from a person on a few different social networks. I checked them out and ended up at their blog http://www.hupandsteph.com. They have some fun videos and pictures documenting their move out west and logging their visits to various Palo Alto restaurants. I sat there going through their content, which is entertaining. When I looked up at the clock I realized that an hour of my life had gone by… well I was shocked.
Why did I sit there for an hour?
While Hup seems like an all right guy and someone I would probably be a friend with in real life, that wasn’t it. I think I feel the need to admit that I would want to douse Steph in Grey Poupon and whisper dirty things in her ear in German while doing things that we read in Cosmo. (Note: I don’t like Grey Poupon or speak German but I do occasionally pick up an issue of Cosmo.)
When I ran this idea by the GF she wasn’t very enthused. I think she summed it up like this, “I would cut your cock off.” (Okay maybe she didn’t use that phrase and maybe we didn’t discuss it but maybe I like to imagine she would say these words. She would actually do something passive aggressively. Like dumping water onto my keyboard so I couldn’t photoshop pictures of Steph and I together.)
I guess what I am saying is it is nice to meet you Hup and Steph. And I will fanatically track your relationship status on facebook secretly hoping that one day Steph will be listed as single and looking for “random play”. At that moment I will swoop in and make my move.
Do you stalk people that add you on social networking sites?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com