We haven’t had a major sex tape scandal in awhile. America is waiting with baited breath for the next major “leak” of a tape that gets us all talking at our water coolers. There is nothing better than the uncomfortable conversation at work when someone brings up the subject of the tape and you sheepishly admit to have watched it. Immediately after doing that people slowly begin to chime in and say that they have watched it as well. Followed by the one person that didn’t and sends you an e-mail asking where they can find it on the net.
Well… maybe not everyone in America is looking forward to this. Maybe it is just me because I am bored with watching Tommy Lee drive a boat with his cock while Pam Anderson says totally stupid things.
Here are five candidates and the odds for them to leak out a sex tape in the next couple of years.
Heidi Montag and Spencer whatever his last name is
These two are attention whores to the max. They leak to the paparazzi where they are going to be and totally stage whatever they are doing so they can get photos placed in places like Us Weekly. Right now they are riding the wave of success from “The Hills” which has about two more seasons before people totally check out and don’t care. Once that happens they are screwed. It has clearly been established that she has no talent and the only way to remain in the public eye will be to make a sex tape.
I will bet anything that we will be able to totally smell Heidi’s desperation right through the screen. It will rank right up there with the first time a girl strips because she is broke.
Odds: I think this one is a no brainer. Vegas should take it off the board.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Never will happen. I think if they had sex and taped it there would be an utter metaphysical catastrophe. It would open up some odd space-time continuum and midgets would come through on a pirate ship wreaking havoc and destroying the world we know.
Odds: Never going to happen
Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan
Ronson is kind of ugly. She reminds me of a girl I slept with right after college that was in the dance program at SUNY Geneseo. I got into a fight with her at “the bar” one night and called her a “cum dumpster”… It wasn’t one of my finer moments.
Anyways, I think this is Lohan’s college phase. Since she actually has never and will never attend school this is her experimental phase. I don’t see this lasting past the end of the summer making a sex tape unlikely.
Odds: 300 to 1
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
Ashton likes to produce now and Demi will need to make one more attempt to hold onto her youth. This will be a perfect project for him instead of the mindless goofball shit he is attached to. I will bet anything she will be denied from a high profile role and will use a sex tape to get herself back out there in public.
I also would like to bet that Bruce Willis would probably be holding the camera. Does anyone else think that they are all too close of friends?
Odds: 10 to 1
Bea Arthur and Samuel L. Jackson
It would be hot. It would be topical. It would be interracial and you know it would involve anal and vegetables.
However she would probably break a hip.
But I think we need to make this happen.
Odds: 3,000,000 to 1
Good luck on getting Bea Arthur getting railed by Samuel L. Jackson out of your head today.
Who do you think is likely to make the next celebrity sex tape?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com