Yesterday I was in the bathroom looking in the mirror before taking a shower. This is part of my usual routine. I gaze into the mirror and look for various things like cancerous moles, rogue hairs, and any possible new zits. Also I like to give myself my daily affirmation while looking in the mirror. You know saying things like:
“You don’t need acceptance on the internet to have self worth.”
“You probably would have lasted longer last night if you thought about the batting order of the 1986 Mets instead of looking at your girlfriend’s nipple.”
“Today is going to be a great day to sit in a cubicle for nine hours.”
“You are plenty big Kevin… plenty big.”
When I was looking in the mirror I noticed that my chest hair is in the pattern of an “X”, in fact it is symmetrically perfect. I don’t know how I feel about this. There really is no upside to this. If I go to the beach this summer am I going to fall asleep only to find an eight year old trying to dig a hole through my breastplate?
I don’t think women think this is all that hot unless there is some chest hair fetish group out there.
Wait a second…
I would be appealing to Tom Jones fans.
So I have that going for me, which is nice.
I will have my choice of 67-year-old retirees that like to toss their panties on stage. Maybe things are looking up after all.
Note: I put a little tribute up to Harvey Korman on the front page today in the featured video section.
Questions of the day:
What did you like Harvey Korman better in: Blazing Saddles or History of the World?
Ladies would you shave your hair down there in an X as a sign of solidarity with me?
As always you can check out other funny blogs at humor-blogs.com