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detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


Apparently the treasure is located in my chest cavity

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/30/08 @ 7:20 am

Yesterday I was in the bathroom looking in the mirror before taking a shower. This is part of my usual routine. I gaze into the mirror and look for various things like cancerous moles, rogue hairs, and any possible new zits. Also I like to give myself my daily affirmation while looking in the mirror. You know saying things like:

“You don’t need acceptance on the internet to have self worth.”
“You probably would have lasted longer last night if you thought about the batting order of the 1986 Mets instead of looking at your girlfriend’s nipple.”
“Today is going to be a great day to sit in a cubicle for nine hours.”
“You are plenty big Kevin… plenty big.”

When I was looking in the mirror I noticed that my chest hair is in the pattern of an “X”, in fact it is symmetrically perfect. I don’t know how I feel about this. There really is no upside to this. If I go to the beach this summer am I going to fall asleep only to find an eight year old trying to dig a hole through my breastplate?

I don’t think women think this is all that hot unless there is some chest hair fetish group out there.

Wait a second…

I would be appealing to Tom Jones fans.

tom jones

So I have that going for me, which is nice.

I will have my choice of 67-year-old retirees that like to toss their panties on stage. Maybe things are looking up after all.

Note: I put a little tribute up to Harvey Korman on the front page today in the featured video section.

Questions of the day:
What did you like Harvey Korman better in: Blazing Saddles or History of the World?
Ladies would you shave your hair down there in an X as a sign of solidarity with me?

As always you can check out other funny blogs at humor-blogs.com

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

26 Responses to “Apparently the treasure is located in my chest cavity”

  1. Meghan says:

    I’d pick just about any Blazing Saddles performance being the best career move.
    I think ‘Hedley Lamarr’ in Blazing Saddles wins here.

    Hedley: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
    Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.

    • Kevin says:

      Taggart: I got it. I got it.
      Hedley Lamarr: You do?
      Taggart: We’ll work up a “Number 6″ on ‘em.
      Hedley Lamarr: “Number 6″? I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that one…
      Taggart: Well, that’s where we go a-ridin’ into town, a whampin’ and whompin’ every livin’ thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
      Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
      Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
      Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous.

  2. Meghan says:

    Hedley: “I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this down.
    I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.”

  3. Meghan says:

    Oh this could go on all day!!
    Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
    Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
    Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
    Applicant: I like rape.

    I only own it on VHS – better visit Amazon.com before work!!!

    • Kevin says:

      I own it on DVD… I love how in both movies nobody can pronounce his name right.

      • Meghan says:

        Just ordered both on DVD, finally. When I was a kid I got in trouble for sneaking out of my room at 2am to watch it on HBO! I was like 9. Grounded from TV for a week!!

  4. Marty says:

    Oddly enough, you’re actually not the first guy I’ve ever read who’s suggested thinking about a situation involving the 86 Mets as a solution for bedroom woes.

  5. Mark says:

    Blazing Saddles was Korman at his best. Although he really good in History of the World.

  6. Thanks for that picture of Tom Jones looking like he’s been roasted in a tandoori oven. On the upside I won’t be wasting any money on lunch.

    Blazing Saddles is my favorite but I still think of Harvey on the Carol Burnett Show trying like hell not to laugh.

  7. Charlotte says:

    The only thing I would find disturbing about the X would be finding remnants of last night’s mandarin orange/pudding cup binge in it.

  8. em em says:

    Ew. Tom Jones looks like hairy bacon in that picture. Gross.

  9. LOTNorm says:

    “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, gosh darn it, people like me!”

    Korman in Blazing Saddles: “Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters”

    Korman in High Anxiety (underrated Brooks film): “Enjoy yourself, for God’s sake! Get your mind off the Wentworth murder… Accident! Accident!”

    Woo! I comment of all quotes…

  10. Isha says:

    Sorry I couldn’t read anything because of the Tom Jones picture…..lol wow….toooooooastie!!

  11. Marcie says:

    I cant stand hairy guys….sad thing is my long time boyfriend is almost bald on his head and almost has a sweater on his chest

    Its gross…

    shave it


  12. PitChiK says:

    You know it’s just easier to shave it all off… and men with hairy chests are sexy. I tell my boyfriend that real men have hair on their chests and pussies shave their chests, so maybe that will make you feel better? I don’t know

  13. moooooog35 says:

    Jesus H. Christ…

    Tom Jones looks like a pot roast.

    On the bright side, maybe you can guest spot with Mulder and Scully in the new movie.

  14. Dagny says:

    This is in response to this :- http://fracas.wordpress.com/2008/05/29/going-down-on-kevin-again/#comment-46026

    You really took pains to convince me but I had no intentions to offend you, if you did get offended.:) I absolutely know that you write great, it was a personal opinion or may be I am more addicted to DP and Fraccy’s style of blogs and that is why I said so. I’d agree about the 800 posts thing. I even checked the place where you have picked up your design theme from, more or less the same. Convinced :)

  15. Mandygirl says:

    LMAO, moooog said Tom Jones looks like a pot roast, that’s fantastic.

    Ever tried to wax? I tried to wax my ex and I’ve never seen him in so much pain, it was hilarious. I’m really the loveydovey type cant ya tell? : p

  16. Marjorie says:

    i actually know a women who has a tattoo near that says x marks the spot, now if she saves her pubic hair i have no clue. But i shall ask.

  17. Maura says:

    Harvey Korman in Blazing Saddles was awesome. I could watch that movie and still laugh my ass off.

  18. Karl Rove says:

    I like both movies (and own both of them), but Harvey Korman is definitely better in Blazing Saddles. My favorite part of History of the World Pt. 1 (Spanish Inquisition scene) doesn’t even have him in it, so Blazing Saddles is an easy choice.

    RIP Harvey.

  19. Stephanie says:

    “Tom Jones looks like a pot roast.” LMAO!!!

  20. Tammy says:

    LOL… Good Lord.

  21. Kassie says:

    I think we need pictures ;D

  22. Static says:

    That is Tom Jones’s head superimposed onto Harvey Kormans body. Tom Jones was much less hairy, less tan and he was much more flabby, although the greasiness is genuine.

    “It’s not unusual to be shaved by someone”

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