Apparently I am a bukkake expert
I’ve talked before about how people find my webpage with some of the most insane search terms ever. Well apparently my new friend Deepak found my post about bukkake and for some reason he believes that I am an expert on it. (Apparently this is an informational blog, not a humor blog.) I am not sure if that is an honor or if I should be totally frightened? But I guess I will run with it.
Here is his message:
It is my extreme desire to get a bukkake performed on my wife once. She has a pretty face. Earlier she was surprised but later on agreed to do it once. But neither she nor I have been able to find out relaible guys. How can I go about to fillilling my fantasy. Deepak.
What would make a guy reliable for this situation? Is there a qualification or resume process that goes with finding men to shower your wife’s face with sperm? Why am I asking questions? I am supposed to be the expert.
Well I replied to Deepak, here is my message back:
Sup Pak,
Gosh Deepak, you only want to do it once? I think you are selling this experience rather short. Who is to say that your wife won’t really love it? One time could turn into two… two could turn into three… three could turn into nine… I mean it might get to the point where this could be the only way she enjoys sex. You might have to keep sperm in the fridge like parents do breast milk.
Right before sex you pop a Viagra while you boil the bottled frozen love juice on your stove so you can load it into squirt guns for later that evening. I have to ask, is this the life you want to lead?
If so, I can help you find guys to fulfill your fantasy. This is the easiest answer ever, craigslist. In fact I will even help you out and write an ad for you.
Title: Spackle my wife’s face with your baby gravy
Body: Ever wanted to be in a room with six other guys jerkin your gherkin and using a beautiful face as target practice? If so drop me an e-mail!
My wife and I are looking to throw a bukkake party and YOU are invited. Please no midgets or people confined to wheelchairs; we need your penis to be face level with my suffering wife who will be on her knees begging for mercy.
P.S.-Please don’t have HIV.
There you go my friend, please let me know how it turns out.
Also toss me a before and after shot of your wife’s face, just for shits and giggles.
Your Bukkake Sensei,
Kevin
It really makes me feel good that I can make a difference.
What would your craigslist ad be for Deepak?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
yes, but how many people has he asked this? if i were a guy id be worried about the whole “wife” thing. girlfriend? maybe. wife? less likely. its all about the status…maybe he was too nervous to pluck up the courage and ask her until they were married.
yeah it isn’t something you break out on the third date is it?
I’m too focused on the Angel pic! There is a store called ‘Feldpausch’ in MI. I went home for x-mas and 1/2 the bright red letters were out spelling ‘Felch’. I couldnt really explain to my father why I laughed so hard.
I’ll just bow to the Sensei.
I am adding it to my resume right now.
Education and Training or Hobbies and Leisure?
Education and training of course
That is not an angel, that is St. Lucy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Lucy%27s_Day
She has a crown of candles, which of course drip. Bukkake scenes comes with burn injuries in Sweden.
And Deepak needs to define the term ‘reliable’?? When I think of reliable men, they aren’t the kind of guys I could talk into cumming all over my loved ones face. Nor do I want them to know where I live.
well I e-mailed him back with this response… I can only hope he clears things up for us.
Pssh, some expert. It’s spelled “bundt cake”.
Also, hahahaha “Please don’t have HIV” sounds like an utterance one might whisper after using some demented STD testing machine. Vending machines, the doctors of the future.
it would save me a lot of time and embarrassment going instead of going to the health clinic
Plus the usual sucker could be replaced by a pair of panties… used, of course.
Ah… the gift that keeps on giving
I would like to leave a comment, but I’m scared my mom will find out.
Is she trolling the net looking for bukkake information?
I mean really, what good mother isn’t?
I know mine is
bukkake is pretty gross but nothing will ever traumatize me more than that video with the bear
This is one of those times that I am just going to plead ignorance.
What vieo with the bear? Am I missing out on sick bear action here??
trust me you don’t want to know
hahahahaha!
I must ask the obvious question – why is he not splashing the “wife’s” face himself?
I bet she was totally surprised with this fun suggestions to perk up the old bedroom.
I think he really wants to give her the full effect and have an entire starting lineup for a basketball team there
you just totally changed deepak’s life. Deepak Chopra? could it be?
craigslist tssk… he should just get his dad, brothers, grandfathers, cousins and neighbors to do it. you know, try to get the whole village involved, form a friendship and bond with the people they see everyday. that’d be a great community, a place where everyone gets along.
=P
You know what they say about families that do bukkake together?
you forgot to add…after “please no HIV…” no herpees, or sweaty ball stink….or…warts…crabs, body lice…i mean all those things and more can ruin the poor womans getting sperm in her face…
I don’t think they are being too picky… I figured the HIV would be enough.
That is great but check this one out:
“I’m a lesbian nazi vampire and I love sucking menstrual blood”
Yeah, someone searched for that and found me. But I think the biggest accomplishment I have had to date is being the top Google search result for “extreme sodomy”. Try it out. I’m still bloody laughing my ass off here.
So you mean she found your regular Tuesday column?
Aye, summat like that.
WANTED: Projectile sperm with penis attached.
Sounds like an ad for a career woman looking to get knocked up
I’m in.
I’ll bat cleanup.
Wait..wait…that’s probably the wrong term to use here.
I am dying over that.
Isn’t there a Word of the Day in that blog? Well done!
Baby gravy bedsheets has been a word of the day
You composed great ad dear . Some friends wanted to know what i meant by term reliable. Well that means if the guys want to have sex or may be come again for the same action and we want to discontinue then theu should be understanding. Not being nosey or piling on etc. Specially in our case my wife is so good looking even if she smiles at someone then he thinks he should try his luck further. Such situations we want to avoid. Just bukkake that too just once ad that too with her consent. Thanks Deepak. By the way it’s not my real name.
I figured it wasn’t your real name but this is you because it is the same e-mail address…
Holy crap… thanks for having the nuts to man up and drop a comment on this.
See, when he said reliable, I thought he meant guys who can reliably jerk off onto someone’s face in front of other guys. You know, no choking and not being able to finish the job.
I love you and hate you for clearing that up.
Wow.
Anyways, I would be worried if you want bukkake with you wife…… a gf yes, a wife no.
Wait. I thought this was an informational blog.
I just had to add this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vhbwpb-pYPQ
How do you pronounce buck ache?
i use to date fat ugly girls cause they would do anything I wanted but I never met anyone that fat or ugly that would let me do that . He’s so lucky
All I can say is … WOW. Red flag ladies, if your hubby starts dropping hints about using your face as a spunk spittoon, you might want to reconsider that whole marriage thing. Love the craigslist idea though, if you are gonna go for it. Also serve them ice cream before they perform, it’ll make it yummier for your poor wife.
Lol@Melissa. …”Spunk spittoon”. That’s a good one. …oh no, the visual imagery is too vivid.
yall white people are sick as sh** keep to yourselves and stay far away from black people!!!!!!!!
bukkake or what ever the hell you sick fucked up white crackers call it is agenst god and should be held illegal in the coart of law. Everyone whos agenst this “bs” need to speak up agenst it to the mass media that it represents anger,crulty,and unjustice to mostly women that show men giving angry remarks to them. My mother is white so I can’t say all white people are sick, just you freaks who like this sh** it makes me sick to my stomak!!!! I hope all you sick fucks burn in hell, what next scat bukkake or beastality bukkake<<<The reason God will bring forth armagadon
I hope god spells Armageddon right when it happens
what is bukkake all about????
my girlfriend wants to make a video about homeless guys cumming all over her face is this cool or what. the video will be called homeless reality bukkake!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Kevin I hear your the bukkake expert. Ive been trying to cum on women faces for a long time now with no results. Every single time women tell me not to cum on ther face. I dont know what the problem is I mean I think Im a average looking guy. I see guys that look really ugly cumming on the faces of the most beautiful women Ive ever seen in porn but I want to show off my hidden cum shot talent to the ladies, no Im not trying to be a porn star like peter north not right now anyway. Alot of the women I meet are on adult alternative dating sites like Adult Friend Finder. the women read my profile about my likes and dislikes especialy the part about I like to cum with loads of cum on faces but Im still short on luck so please Kevin buddy ol pale can you tell me how I get a woman to let me cum on ther face and how can I basically find women into this kind of stuff
i like to bukkake on my pet dogs face no kidding pet-bukkake coming soon