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The IT Book

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/21/08 @ 7:49 am

I haven’t really talked about my new job all that much. No real reason in particular… well probably because I don’t want to turn this blog into a Dilbert comic strip, translation: Dilbert = horribly unfunny.

At work there is a book that is floating around that is the new “IT” book. You know the book that everyone just “has” to read. While I haven’t read the book but I know the basic premise of the book and I also know that is a very slanted look that is really pro-business and pro- technology which helps validate everything our sales people say. An analyst that gets paid to recommend the technology in the book on a daily basis is also the author, so it isn’t exactly written in an objective fashion. It is the equivalent of a book being published on how McDonalds is healthy by author Ronald McDonald. For some reason I feel that book would be written in crayon and finger-paints with scary hidden satanic messages. (He is a clown after all.)

pennywise the clown

The thing is everyone is talking the lingo from the book. So in order for me to have a conversation with my co-workers I need to speak the lingo in order to understand what the hell they are talking about, which means I have to read the book in my own free time. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy reading. I just don’t enjoy doing things for work in my free time. Personally I think the 50-60 hours a week I put in is enough for them. I don’t want them cutting into my personal time and impacting my ability to:

  • have sex
  • drink heavily
  • pretend to care about my personal health
  • listen to old John Denver albums backwards and see if I can hear him talking about aliens running the country


So instead of sucking it up and reading the book I have decided to go with plan b: The “I am working on a big project” excuse.

Basically I figure this can buy me about 1-2 months of avoiding having any type of serious discussion with my co-workers and thus I don’t have to read the book. I can sit in my cube and listen to music on my computer with my earphones in. When we engage in general talk about how our weekends were I could talk to them but when it turns into anything business related I could refer to this big project and say I need to get back to work.

Now I am sure the hole you are going to blow in this logic is that eventually I will have to produce a big project or do something that garners results. Well my super secret big project is to look for another job in this time period so when it is time to submit my super secret big project I can really just hand in my two weeks notice. At that point I will have avoided having to read the book on my own time, going through the embarrassment of being in a conversation and not knowing the lingo, and the accomplishment of doing nothing for two months.

Sounds like a solid plan to me.

What or who do you try to avoid at work?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

30 Responses to “The IT Book”

  1. LOTNorm says:

    I avoid everyone as often as possible.

    You could always get drunk and facehump a hooker with Denver on your Ipod, thus accomplishing all free-time activities in one thirty minute period.

  2. moooooog35 says:

    Let me know when you vacate your position…as I, too, am working on “A Big Project” (read: Monster.com job search).

    By that point, there should be either Cliff Notes for this thing, or “IT Book for Dummies,” at which point I’ll just float through and get a big promotion…

    …preferably with Jessica Alba as my new “Secretary of Public Lesbianism Displays.”

  3. Helga says:

    Your blog is boring me!

  4. Duane says:

    With the company I’m at, the big one was “Who Moved my Cheese?”. The execs even had a speaker come in to discuss the 15 minute video of the book.
    I could have answered the question with “You guys move the frigging cheese. It’s an inside job.” When you need to bring in consultants to tell you what people inside the organization have been saying for years, you don’t need to worry about missing cheese. I think they need to worry about missing clues.

  5. clientsideshow bob says:

    Kevin, it looks like your secret’s out! Expect monster.com, craig’s list, HotJobs, et al to be blocked while at work. You should have said your big project was trying to figure out how to fuck your way to a promotion.

    As for me, I tend to avoid work easily enough – reading blogs, RSS feeds, Drudge, HuffPo, Onion, Rotten Tomatoes, whatever CNN is blathering on about today. really fills my day.

  6. Alice says:

    Thank you. I did not realize a shirtless John Denver album existed.

  7. Helga says:

    Your older shit is way better…get on your game…I still come here cause im bored out of my mind. But I used to laugh out loud over your blogs now I barely smirk..

  8. Helga says:

    I like when you write about more personal shit..who the fuck cares about your work? Everyone avoids work why do you think people read your blogs? I like stories from your past. Stick with that.

    • Kevin says:

      I just wrote about getting hammered at the hard rock casino and attempting to grab a waitresses ass… I’ll break out another story this week.

  9. Helga says:


  10. Jeremy says:

    Just no pleasin some people.

  11. kab625 says:

    Here are some avoidance tips from top researchers:

    Act stressed, talk fast, and avoid eye contact you can produce an “I’m too busy” force field.

    Scratch your crotch a lot, sniffle and cough when approached for conversation. You can put fake snot under your nose too. Use candle wax.

    Make up just one “lingo” word and use it a lot. Everyone will think they missed something in the book. Try something like-computerperpetuate or ask if they’ve located their anacompucunnilinguistic program.

    Well…it’s worth a shot.

  12. JiMoe says:

    :( Damn you and your clown picture….

  13. Sounds like the cheese moving bullshit we had pressed on us a few years back. That book was pretty much to guilt us into being cheerfuly adaptive to being used by our front-office overlords. I had a client with so many of their own meaningless buzzwords that I made bingo cards with them on that we used during conference calls.

    I’m going to go shudder quietly at my desk for a few minutes, what with the clown and John Denver and all. Thanks for that.

  14. Katie says:

    What will happen if you get a new job and they are reading the “IT” book as well? Also, the creepiness factor of that John Denver picture is off the charts, even compared to the evil clown lol.

  15. Karl Rove says:

    Luckily my co-workers don’t care enough to give a damn whether or not I even get my work done.

  16. Meghan says:

    This is why I work with children…although, I can’t really avoid them and properly do my job.

    I hear saying ‘Doing I REALLY need to explain this to you RIGHT now?’ is a great way to act both busy and superior while still getting as little accomplished as possible.

  17. Meghan says:

    And Congrats on your killer diggs yesterday! I think an entire generation feeling completely insulted by your blog is going to generate FAR more hate mail than a J-Date Mustache!!

  18. Chris C says:

    Or how about the Covey books?

    As for excuses about the secret project, just tell your co-workers it got cut for monetary reasons.

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