I haven’t really talked about my new job all that much. No real reason in particular… well probably because I don’t want to turn this blog into a Dilbert comic strip, translation: Dilbert = horribly unfunny.
At work there is a book that is floating around that is the new “IT” book. You know the book that everyone just “has” to read. While I haven’t read the book but I know the basic premise of the book and I also know that is a very slanted look that is really pro-business and pro- technology which helps validate everything our sales people say. An analyst that gets paid to recommend the technology in the book on a daily basis is also the author, so it isn’t exactly written in an objective fashion. It is the equivalent of a book being published on how McDonalds is healthy by author Ronald McDonald. For some reason I feel that book would be written in crayon and finger-paints with scary hidden satanic messages. (He is a clown after all.)
The thing is everyone is talking the lingo from the book. So in order for me to have a conversation with my co-workers I need to speak the lingo in order to understand what the hell they are talking about, which means I have to read the book in my own free time. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy reading. I just don’t enjoy doing things for work in my free time. Personally I think the 50-60 hours a week I put in is enough for them. I don’t want them cutting into my personal time and impacting my ability to:
- have sex
- drink heavily
- pretend to care about my personal health
- listen to old John Denver albums backwards and see if I can hear him talking about aliens running the country
So instead of sucking it up and reading the book I have decided to go with plan b: The “I am working on a big project” excuse.
Basically I figure this can buy me about 1-2 months of avoiding having any type of serious discussion with my co-workers and thus I don’t have to read the book. I can sit in my cube and listen to music on my computer with my earphones in. When we engage in general talk about how our weekends were I could talk to them but when it turns into anything business related I could refer to this big project and say I need to get back to work.
Now I am sure the hole you are going to blow in this logic is that eventually I will have to produce a big project or do something that garners results. Well my super secret big project is to look for another job in this time period so when it is time to submit my super secret big project I can really just hand in my two weeks notice. At that point I will have avoided having to read the book on my own time, going through the embarrassment of being in a conversation and not knowing the lingo, and the accomplishment of doing nothing for two months.
Sounds like a solid plan to me.
What or who do you try to avoid at work?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com