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You Are Welcome Gay People

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/19/08 @ 7:00 am

I have always considered Pointless Banter a gay friendly website, I know I have some people that “play for the other team” that read my blog on a daily basis. Honestly I don’t have a problem with gay people; in fact I think they owe me something. You see I live or have lived in the only two states that allow gay marriage. Sure I didn’t campaign or anything but the fact that I lived in both states can’t be a coincidence. So I have decided to take credit for it. My mere presence has gone pretty far for you and now I think it is time that I get a few things in return.

1) The first thing I want… a parade. I know you guys love to hold them and I want one. I don’t care if there is going to be a group of bikers wearing assless chaps as long as the parade is in my honor. Just no Liza Minnelli impersonators… I have my reasons.

2) The right to be the last man to screw Portia de Rossi. Come on, throw me a bone here… better yet I should be the one throwing my bone into her stink ditch. (That actually sounds really harsh. Let me try that again.)

I would like the opportunity to show her how soft and loving a man can be.

portia de rossi

Eh… let’s go back to the stink ditch line.

3) I want to be able to say “that’s gay” and not have people give me a lecture that it is politically incorrect. Occasionally I will say that phrase and I don’t mean it as slur or anything. I just would like to be able to say it and not have people tell me how politically incorrect it is… it is a small wish

I am even willing to make an exchange. If you see something totally stupid or pointless you can say, “That’s so Kevin.”

Now if I could only do something for the retarded people of the world….

So gay people of the world, I’ll let you work together on making these things happen. Remember you owe me.

What else can I take credit for?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

49 Responses to “You Are Welcome Gay People”

  1. Marty says:

    Somehow I doubt you would want to show Portia how “soft” a man can be, if you catch my drift.

    And I totally support being able to describe non-specific things as being gay!

  2. Gina says:

    That’s so Kevin. So much btter than That’s so Raven.

    • Kevin says:

      And nobody from the cast disappears for days on end.

    • nmuncer says:

      A Kevin in my country is an idiot(France).
      Poor people in my country are in love with that name. I suppose some American soap have one of the actor named that way.
      Sorry man!

  3. Meghan says:

    You are a true Ambassador, Kevin. I’ll march in your parade. ‘He’s Here. He’s Not Queer. Get him a Draft Beer.’

  4. Marcie says:

    ha….a parade would be pretty cool….

  5. Geoff says:

    Now if I might make a suggestion. Portia de Rossi wearing assless chaps, in the parade. And some type of titantron coverage might be in order. If that didn’t bring a decent crowd, nothing will.

  6. David says:

    I’m one of your many regular-readers who happens to be gay. I will get to work right away organizing that parade. Usually the homosexual bikers in a parade here in DC are the Dykes on Bikes and, trust me, you way don’t want to see most of them in assless anything but they put on a great biker demonstration.

    I already say “That is so Kevin” and I have no objection whatsoever to “That’s so gay!” as long as the item is actually represented in a gay lifestyle – and not just because it seems feminine and frilly.

  7. StashMaster says:

    Stink ditch is still better than sperm bank… I think

  8. love notes and lemonade says:

    eek. You better hurry up on the Portia de Rossi sex, I hear that Ellen and her are going to get married soon…I wonder if Ellen would share her with you, or do you think you’d be up for a threesome??

    • Kevin says:

      Sure if Ellen sits with her back to us in the corner of the room with her clothes on and a bag over her head.

  9. Mandygirl says:

    I’m pretty sure it was your idea to send these stimulus checks out too, I’ll buy porn and beer with mine in you honor :)

  10. kingofbuffalo says:

    Why stop at her stink ditch? Show her how “softly” you can touch her balloon knot as well?

    Never mind…that is so gay…..

  11. trisha says:

    Funny, oftentimes when I read your blogs I think, “that’s so gay”.

  12. Katie says:

    I think “sausage wallet” or “Where Uncle Doodle Goes” is much more descriptive than stink ditch. Slowly caress her sausage wallet and show her that your Cockasaurus-Rex was made to go Where Uncle Doodle Goes.

  13. Lorrie says:

    I second your thoughts regarding Point No. 3. Also, I’d like for white people to be able to use the N-word without being called racists. Seriously, why is it that only black people can use it? I have some white people I’d like to call an “N” just for shock value.

    • Kevin says:

      Wait… are they in the same ballpark? Can I get a ruling on this?

    • David says:

      I think redneck trailer trash is the white people’s equivalent to the “N” word but I could be wrong. Of course “Redneck Trailer Trash” is kind of cumbersome compared to just a one word insult.

  14. handsoffthecolaproduct says:

    A real humanitarian

  15. Sage says:

    wow you are sad.. please go to college.. and if you are, please start paying attention

    • Kevin says:

      Why do you say that?

      • Jeremy says:

        See this is another fine example of someone who did go to school and still has no clue. Apparently they didn’t teach Sage about Sarcasm in business school. We still need that font for these people.

  16. Buddha Mama says:

    I think you’re on to something. Maybe if we start tossing around “That’s so straight,” “That’s so white” and “That’s so Presbyterian” we could have greater access to comedic one-liners.

  17. Philly says:

    I love parades and I think they should throw in a key to the city.
    What really happens when you get a key to a city?

  18. selena says:

    I use the phrase, “that’s gay” all the time. I never mean it to be derogatory towards the homosex population. It’s just a common phrase used to express that something is lame or odd… I didn’t make it up. I guess I could start saying, “Lame” instead. However, I’ve never known it to offend anyone. On another note I’ve many gay pals and I have noticed something. I’ve observed that they are able to harshly make fun of other gay people and take advantage quite often. I’ve been in a gay bar where a man walked in wearing cut off short short jean shorts (where the pockets stick out of the bottom), a horrendous tank and a mullet. My friend started dogging him out right where the guy could hear!!! I felt so bad but then I thought just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he can walk around like that without being made fun of or being called out. If I was in a straight bar and someone walked in looking all wrong I’d probably laugh at them just as well…

    • David says:

      Do you really think “thats so gay” = “thats so lame”? and if so blah blah blah.

      Gays are so not lame….we are the leading edge of non-lameness.

      But you are onto something with gays calling other gays “gay”. It is just like blacks calling other blacks “n-word”. They can, others can’t.

      And aren’t “N-word” people as viewed by white society just dark skinned rednecks?

  19. Kassie says:

    I’m bi so…Thank you Kevin.

    And now I’m going to say, “That’s so Kevin”.

  20. Stephanie says:

    I’m not gay, but I’ll throw a parade in your honor. It might be rather small, however…

  21. Thomas says:

    Strangely enough, I take credit for getting good television shows canceled because I’m the only one that watches them, or at least only me and other people in my income bracket and we’re not exactly who the man wants to advertise to.

  22. merri says:

    yes but i lived in boston when marriage was legalized then came here to ca and it got legalized too. so i actually think it’s following ME. :) maybe that means I get to sleep with portia.

  23. idl3mind says:

    i love me some Portia de Rossi too

  24. thenibblers says:

    Holy Crap….

    I am absolutely laughing my a*s off!

    Great Post

  25. High School says:

    Try growing up in a rural town in a state that doesn’t allow gay marriage and dealing with constant, “that’s gay” from teachers, and students. Problem is, YOU are gay, and you can’t say anything.

    You take it so effortlessly, because you are straight.

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