Time To Piss Away All The Goodwill I Built Up Yesterday
Thanks for all the kind messages, comments, and pats on the back yesterday for getting on CNN. I really appreciate it.
I thought long and hard about what I can do with all this good will. The question that was bugging me last night was, “What should I do for a follow-up?”
The answer: Piss it all away of course!
As I have documented in the past there is one thing that I amazes me more than anything else. It is the simple face that Hitler essentially destroyed an entire style of facial hair. There is nothing in history that equals this. Nobody can grow that style of facial hair again because of the negative connotations that it brings.
A person that could be wearing that style of facial hair could be totally clueless to history. This person might be the nicest and most caring person on the planet, yet society would probably shun them because of how they shave their upper lip. There is no other facial hair that has this impact!
I have decided to put this to a test for my next big social experiment. As we all know my last social experiment involving dating failed miserably. It didn’t matter if I met a girl on Adult Friend Finder, Craigslist, Match, or used a dating service, things just didn’t work out.
This social experiment though isn’t about landing a date (I already have a girlfriend). It is about the negative connotations of facial hair and if the facial hair overrules the person. You see I am going to join J-Date with a Charlie Chaplin style mustache. (I am not giving Hitler credit for the facial hair. I think Chaplin should get all the props, perhaps leading to the recovery of this facial hair style.)
Of course to have some fun with this I am going to run a contest.
First let me explain the experiment.
1) I will join J-date in a random city and put up a handful of pictures all with the fore mentioned facial hair.
2) My profile besides that will be completely normal and will be the same profile I used in other dating experiments.
3) I will engage people in normal conversation.
The contest: (Make a numerical prediction for these two questions)
1) Will I get hate mail on J-date and how much? (in a one week period)
2) Will I get offers for dates at all and how many? (in a one week period)
Each question will be a different contest for a shot at an Amazon or I-Tunes gift card.
Make your predictions in the comments below. And offer up any comments that you have.
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
On 05/16/08 at 7:54 am
Mark said:
1) Will I get hate mail on J-date and how much?
A: I’ll say you get at least 50 messages within the first week of being on J-Date. If you are up there for a month, I’ll say you’ll get around 200 messages.
2) Will I get offers for dates at all and how many?
A: If there are neo-nazi’s on there (or just plain freaks) I would say at least 10 offers in the first month.
On 05/16/08 at 9:20 am
Kevin said:
I wonder if they just delete the pictures.
On 05/16/08 at 8:07 am
Daniel said:
you will get a ton of messages and the vast majority will be clueless.
A co-worker and I created a fake woman with ludicrous credentials and answered all the questions in a me-me-me way and still the offers poured in. How many men would want a 5 foot tall, 190 pound woman with a shaved head and 7 children each with a different father who wanted a man to worship the ground she walks on? AND who was willing to give nothing in return.
On 05/16/08 at 9:20 am
Kevin said:
I think some of the men on those sites just want a vagina
On 05/16/08 at 11:34 am
mom knows best said:
many, that’s how many.
On 05/16/08 at 8:24 am
jennifer said:
uh yeah…too bad you can’t have 2 of your friends join you in this endeavor. You can have one do the stache and be funny in the chaplin way…and then the other the hitler kind of way.
three variables…wonderful outcomes!!
In the first week (since you didn’t define a time period)
I say NO hate mail…
And…YES offers for dates…probably 5
PS… you are an adorable guy with or without the stache.
On 05/16/08 at 9:22 am
Kevin said:
oh now that would be an experiment!
On 05/16/08 at 8:26 am
Melissa said:
lmao
On 05/16/08 at 8:31 am
Meg said:
Hitler also destroyed a popular German name–my grandfather was an Adolf. I don’t think that will come back in vogue any time soon.
On 05/16/08 at 9:24 am
Kevin said:
Yeah that name ain’t coming back in style within our life times.
On 05/16/08 at 8:39 am
Meg said:
And Congrats on your CNN mention. I blogged for Human Rights too, but got no coverage. Dude, who did you have to sleep with?
On 05/16/08 at 9:25 am
Kevin said:
Everybody… why leave anything to chance?
On 05/16/08 at 9:12 am
Meghan said:
1)Hate Mail - I’m not sure. Depends on the rest of your profile. I think you are looking at a 10% return on the hate mail.
2)Yes, you will get date offers. How could you not. BECAUSE…
3)The difference between you and Hitler (one of the differences) is the Mustache to Eyebrow Ratio. Hitler had thin menancing eyebrows compared to you. Yours are quite playful and jubilant. You look more Belushi than Hitler.
Mazel Tov.
On 05/16/08 at 9:26 am
Kevin said:
People always say Belushi when I put on some weight… Damn I need to go back to California weight.
On 05/16/08 at 9:34 am
Meghan said:
Its not weight…it’s the smirk!
On 05/16/08 at 9:13 am
Melissa said:
I figure you’ll get more, “Wow, you look like that Rob guy, you know, he played Meathead on Archie Bunker…” because you’re too tall and husky to pull off the Hitler/Chaplin vibe.
On 05/16/08 at 9:25 am
Kevin said:
Meathead? ouch
On 05/16/08 at 9:22 am
Meghan said:
Did I mention whenever I first ran across your MySpace Blog/Profile I just assumed you were Jewish…
On 05/16/08 at 9:23 am
Kevin said:
Really? I’m Italian and Irish…
On 05/16/08 at 9:32 am
Meghan said:
Excellent combo. Almost as good as German Irish, but considering the topic of the day, I’m not going to gloat.
On 05/16/08 at 9:35 am
em em said:
I think you will get roughly 22 hate emails in the first month. I think some girls might assume it’s a mole. And I think you’ll get maybe 7 date offers from really weird girls, some possibly with some prison ink.
On 05/16/08 at 9:47 am
Charlotte said:
Hate mail - no
Date offers - 26 (3 from men, 7 from women, 5 from men pretending to be women, 11 from the site administration fake profile program all those sites use)
*Off topic* - nice to see you hung some pictures on the walls of the new place.
On 05/16/08 at 9:52 am
Vince said:
You will get hate mail but it won’t be much at first maybe 20 or so. If you stick it out you will probably get upwards of 40 to 50 a week.
You will get a date and the woman that asks you out on this date will be a known felon with a record of hate crimes and affiliations with Neo Nazi and white power groups.
Good luck.
On 05/16/08 at 10:07 am
matty said:
This is a ground breaking experiment Kevin!
I will go with fourteen hate mail messages and 1 offer for a date. Of course, that chick will look like Eva Braun and will have a Nazi memorabilia collection.
On 05/16/08 at 10:09 am
Chris said:
Hate Mail: at least 15 - but probably less about the stache and more about the fact that the people sending it just hate their lives and will find anything to bitch about
Date offers: At least 20. Mostly from girls and dudes who listen to Pantera and Danzig and wear lot and lots of leather.
On 05/16/08 at 10:09 am
clientsideshow bob said:
If you post a picture with the Hitler-stache and you’re waving? I predict hundreds of hate emails in that first week alone. Without the wave, about 20.
As for dates, I’m sure some lonely girl will find the “bad boy” vibe too hot to avoid - five messages in week one.
On 05/16/08 at 10:10 am
Alice said:
Good luck on the Hitler/Chaplin experiment and if I accidentally call you for the 1 hour lunchtime quickie BJ on Craigslist, my mistake.
On 05/16/08 at 11:17 am
kate said:
5 hate mail and 5 dating offers
On 05/16/08 at 11:31 am
Marcie said:
you’ve got to make that face hair darker….so it sticks out more….
then….you’re ready to go!
On 05/16/08 at 11:50 am
Jeremy said:
1. Yes and I bet 34% of the messages will be hate mail. However you will get 11% offers and some of the girls wont even uderstand what the problem might be.
I’ve met people who didn’t know what hitler looked like. “wasn’t he that guy who started the war? He was italian right?” that’s an aqtual quote from my friends grade 9 class I was helping with. My soul is sad for the next generation.
On 05/16/08 at 12:36 pm
Cyrious Garnetski said:
1: No, you will not get hate mail.
2: you will get offers for three dates. All from gay men.
On 05/16/08 at 1:51 pm
Isha said:
No hate mail.
You’ll get 4 days offers.
My boyfriend wore that mustache style for 3 weeks. Thing was he worked at a bank in the middle of the Diamond district here in NYC….nothing but Hassidic jews. He offended alot of people.
On 05/16/08 at 1:52 pm
Isha said:
date* not days..no glasses = typos
On 05/16/08 at 2:10 pm
Meghan said:
And if you wore a flipped up collar and a gold chain you would look like ‘Orgy Guy’.
On 05/16/08 at 3:43 pm
BigBear said:
woof!
On 05/16/08 at 4:02 pm
Stephanie said:
Hmm….I think you will get about 5 messages of hate mail and 2 date offers within the first week. I’m Jewish, and I don’t think I would care that much if I saw the profile of someone with a Hitler stache. It wouldn’t offend me and I’d probably just ignore it.
On 05/16/08 at 4:56 pm
Scott said:
1) Hate Mail: 12
2) Date Offers: 7
On 05/16/08 at 7:16 pm
LOTNorm said:
Damn, I thought the contest might be for us to give ourselves Chaplin/Hitler ’staches. I could totally do that.
If you just have a picture of yourself with the ’stache then I don’t really think you’ll get any hate mail at all… but if you go a little Hitlery with poses and/or comments? Totally 34 pieces of hate mail easy.
Dates? I’ll go 33 on that one… arbitrary numbers work for me.
On 05/16/08 at 7:55 pm
Karl Rove said:
1. You will get 76 pieces of hate mail.
2. You will get 12 date offers.
On 05/17/08 at 10:30 am
supernik said:
idk what j-date is but i am voting no hate mail and 6 wanting dates. that is my final answer.
On 05/17/08 at 1:25 pm
Marques (Sexyman) said:
Lemme see:
1) Will I get hate mail on J-date and how much? I’m going to say no, but if any does come about, I’ll say 2 e-mails.
2) Will I get offers for dates at all and how many? Yes, because, no offense, you sorta look like Danny Devito from “Matilda”, and chicks like that….As for how many, I say 4 offers.
On 05/17/08 at 2:31 pm
Ally said:
LoL Id say hate mail 8, offers 1-2 … Cant wait to see what happens :-p
On 05/18/08 at 1:23 am
Chris C said:
Hate mail: 53
Dates: 2
I’m letting it all ride on the hate factor hehe.
And congrats on being mentioned on CNN. You have a lot of great content and you are very good at marketing it. And you are showing people that blogging isn’t a fad or something weirdos do.
Ok, I’ll admit I am weird but that’s besides the point hehe. Good, legitimate writers are out there waiting for their shot and the blogsphere is not a wasteland of talent like the old media would want us to believe.
On 06/3/08 at 9:04 pm
Steve said:
Note sure about the hate mail or dates…..but can you say “It’s time to make the donuts”?