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May
14

Do you really want to read crappy corporate pitches?

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/14/08 @ 7:32 am

In the last few days one of the hot topics on the interweb has been how PR people pitch bloggers. Some bloggers have begun to “out” these pr firms and create a list so people can put them into their spam filters and not receive e-mails from them. They are calling it a blacklist. Now PR people are pissed and there is a little argument going on about the ego of bloggers and how the process works. (I have to say I love the internet. It is like high school. You have people in different groups that bash people in other groups and then name-calling commences.)

I get a lot of e-mails daily with press releases or reminder e-mails about certain topics that companies want me to blog about. These e-mails always start in the same style, “Hey you know what your readers might think is really cool?” This is where I get annoyed because I don’t think they have your best interest at heart. In fact they don’t even know you guys. Because I have a feeling that you have zero interest these following pitches:

The new Uber Index is the premiere online destination for daily conversations on culture. Contributors to the Uber Index represent some of the brightest and most influential names in style, art, music, photography and social activism, and the Uber Index uses their views and opinions to spur discussions across various communities. Think of it as a culturally-focused Huffington Post. Is this something that your readers would be interested in learning more about?

Among the diverse collection of Uber Index contributors are investigative journalist/social activist Lisa Ling (Oprah, National Geographic), “It-girl” Cory Kennedy, hip-hop icon Reverend Run (RUN DMC)….

Wait a second Lisa Ling and Reverend Run have a blog on a site together? Holy crap in a hand basket does any give a shit what either of these people have to say? I know I sure as hell don’t. The only thing I care about Lisa Ling is to ask her why she gets canned from so many jobs? And of course the obvious question about her vagina and eyes being the same shape. Also I have no fucking idea who Cory Kennedy is. Either I am that unhip or she isn’t that big of an “it-girl”…

parker posey

Remember when Parker Posey was the “it-girl” back in the late 90s? I like Parker Posey…Anyways.

mo rocca Another pitch that I got recently was for a bunch of videos that Mo Rocca (formerly of the Daily Show) has made for Bank of America about banking. I guess Mo has come on some hard times and making these soul-crushing videos with weak attempts at humor is putting food on his table. Here was their pitch:

Mo Rocca has tackled some of televisions finest comedy programs. Now, the popular comedian is bringing banking to the people in a series of exclusive web videos that feature “Mo on Banking”. Known for his unique “man on the street” interviews, Mo is out and about in New York City, hoping to find out how others handle their finances. And, with his unique wit and sly humor, Mo makes sure that this is not like any financial inquiry you’ve ever seen!

First of all I am under the impression that none of you even have a checking account. For some reason I imagine the people that read this crap squirrel money away in their grandmother’s old prosthetic limb that they keep in a closet. (Ok fine, you all probably have bank accounts but I rather imagine with the prosthetic limb thing because it is that much cooler.) And honestly if I posted a video about wacky banking advice you wouldn’t rush out of your house screaming, “I don’t think I have proper over draft protection!” Just so you know if you are getting your banking advice from me you should probably just lob yourself off the top story of a building now, I write a fucking humor blog.

In closing I want to ask you the following questions. Answer them all, answer one, or talk about what underwear you are wearing today.

1) Do you give a shit what Lisa Ling has to say?
2) Do you give a shit about what any corporate press release has to say unless it is a recall of all chicken products because they are poisonous?
3) How far as Mo Rocca sunk?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Also if you like it digg it… Help a brother out.

Filed in: Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

30 Responses to “Do you really want to read crappy corporate pitches?”

  1. Meghan says:

    1) Lisa Ling…am I really supposed to care?
    2) As far as I’m concerned, Parker Posey is STILL the IT girl. I can watch ‘House of Yes’, despite it’s disturbing plot, over and over again. She Rules.
    3) I am kinda sad about Mo Rocca. I had no idea, but I was under the impression he was owned by VH1 so the fact that he is doing anything but ‘I Heart the 90’s’ throws me for a loop!

  2. marjorie says:

    1) Do you give a shit what Lisa Ling has to say? i’m not gonna lie, i have no clue who she is, so i guess not

    2) Do you give a shit about what any corporate press release has to say unless it is a recall of all chicken products because they are poisonous? far as i am concerned, they wont share with ya about the whole chicken thing until a month after wards when everyone has been sick and forgot about it.

    3) How far as Mo Rocca sunk? Nah he hasn’t sunk, there is no sex tape of him yet.

  3. Gina says:

    1) Who is Lisa Ling? I live under a rock.
    2) I work for a corporation and a) They’re all idiots and scammers and b) No, I don’t care!
    3) Mo Rocca…Mo Rocca…think he sunk off my radar. :D

    Love you Kevin! Marry me–not your girlfriend. I can do that thing with my tongue.

  4. Vince says:

    No clue who Lisa Ling is and unless he’s going to Rock another Rhyme I don’t care what Run has to say.

    I had completely forgotten that Mo Rocca existed, I guess I need to watch more VH1. On second thought VH1 makes me want to hurt other people so maybe its not such a good idea.

  5. Vince says:

    No clue who Lisa Ling is and unless he’s going to Rock another Rhyme I don’t care what Run has to say.

    I had completely forgotten that Mo Rocca existed, I guess I need to watch more VH1. On second thought VH1 makes me want to hurt other people so maybe its not such a good idea.

  6. Vince says:

    Sorry about the double comment there.

  7. Erin Happycamper says:

    too fokin funny!

  8. Jinksy says:

    1) I had to do a Wikipedia search on Lisa Ling to figure out who she was. Since I don’t watch Oprah or the View or have a vagina, I would never knoe who she was.

    2) If the Press Release states that I’m the new emperor of the world, i might care. Oh, and the chicken recall too.

    3) I had initially confused Mo Rocca with Mo Collins (formerly of MADTV fame) and didn’t think twice about it.

  9. Who is Lisa Ling?

    What’s a corporate pitch?

    Oh, hot babe by the way.

  10. garrett says:

    1. Who’s Lisa Ling?
    2. Corporate press releases should let people know when the corporation has screwed up enough that it could harm us, that’s all.
    3. Mo Rocca hasn’t done anything funny since he left the Daily Show. Anyone who is a commentator on Vh1s “I Love the 80’s” deserves to be shunned.

  11. Chris C says:

    3. Could be worse. Could be Bob Newhart stuck in a secondary role in the Legally Blond trilogy.

  12. Katie says:

    LOL I love the way that you still pimped some of those emails you received while totally bashing them at the same time. Smart man there.
    P.S. – Mo Rocca has sunk so far that only deep sea divers will be able to find him.

    • Kevin says:

      Eh I wouldn’t call it pimping, I yanked out all the urls that they had. These places kind of pissed me off.

  13. RennyBA says:

    Don’t wanna be another to bash, so I’ll say: I’m wearing boxers :lol:

    Btw1: Great post and I do like your open-minded style!
    Btw2: I’ve Digged of course :-)

  14. -Dallas- says:

    1. Fuck Ling, Ling! (thats what I call her)But still, would shag her rotten!

    2. Corporate press release can be a powerful tool but for the most part, I’d rather read the Lysol ingredient on the crapper!

    3. Mo Racca? Sunk? Was ever on top? Honestly…

  15. Tisay says:

    of all the people mentioned, parker posey is the only person i know. who the hell is lisa ling?

  16. Kristen King says:

    1 – No.
    2 – Occasionally, but not as often as stupid PR people seem to think. See http://tinyurl.com/5yqfj6
    3 – Who? ;] Yeah, my point exactly.

  17. Angie says:

    I’ve been under a rock for many years, too, and I only come out now to read Pointless Banter! BWAAAAHAHAAAAHAHAAAA

  18. Linda says:

    Mo Rocca is actually Cindy Brady, all grown up. Lot of people don’t know that.

  19. David-Anthony says:

    I read “My Stroke of Insight” in one sitting – I couldn’t put it down. I laughed. I cried. It was a fantastic book (I heard it’s a NYTimes Bestseller and I can see why!), but I also think it will be the start of a new, transformative Movement! No one wants to have a stroke as Jill Bolte Taylor did, but her experience can teach us all how to live better lives. Her TED.com speech was one of the most incredibly moving, stimulating, wonderful videos I’ve ever seen. Her Oprah Soul Series interviews were fascinating. They should make a movie of her life so everyone sees it. This is the Real Deal and gives me hope for humanity.

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