Back story: So the other day I was banned by internet Qatar, basically an entire country can’t read my website. So here is my letter to them.
Dear Internet Qatar,
Hi from the United States!
I am just writing to talk about your recent decision to ban my site from your country. Personally I feel like your actions were a little harsh. Honestly there are a lot of things we share in common. I think once you get to know me a little bit better that you will quickly unban my site and allow the people of your great country to experience fun and good times.
1) Your country produces a ton of natural gas and so do I. The only difference is that you guys make a ton of money off it while the only thing I get out of my production is watching my girlfriend get upset when I give her a dutch oven.
2) Your country was born in the 1970s and so was I.
3) The British have regularly pissed you off and they have annoyed the ever living crap out of me. Especially the McCann family. In your country what would the punishment be if two parents left their kids unattended so they could go out to dinner? My guess is beheading and you know what? We are totally on the same page.
4) You served as a launching point for our invasion of Iraq… And I have a cousin in the military. So that is kind of the same thing.
5) Before you got into natural gas you were into pearling and I enjoy making pearl necklace references.
6) You believe that women should be allowed to drive… Okay maybe we don’t have EVERYTHING in common.
7) Your laws allow for a moderate consumption of alcohol… We aren’t doing very good here… maybe I will just scrap listing out more stuff.
Anyways I know it is your job to protect the people of your country against things you deem as inappropriate. I get that. I won’t let my nephew watch things like Evil Dead, Basic Instinct, or Jade because I don’t think they are appropriate for him. So I get where you are coming from. However I don’t think I am inappropriate at all. Sure I might make an off color joke here or there but how can you find some inappropriate that wears a princess hat at Disneyland? Come on.
In closing I just want you to know I don’t dislike you guys or anything. In fact I see this as a chance as a way from us to come together. I can teach you guys about American culture and you can allow your residents to read this blog and share their views on what I have to say. (As long as they speak English and have never watched the movie “American Dreamz”.)
Actually why not take this a step further. I will allow you to post a “Jihad of the Week” post on my blog as long as I can get five minutes on Al-Jazeera each week. How isn’t that a win/win situation?
I hope to hear back from you.
Your new friend,
this is going up at humor-blogs.com