Apparently the treasure is located in my chest cavity

Yesterday I was in the bathroom looking in the mirror before taking a shower. This is part of my usual routine. I gaze into the mirror and look for various things like cancerous moles, rogue hairs, and any possible new zits. Also I like to give myself my daily affirmation while looking in the mirror. You know saying things like:

Straight Males Take on the Fashion at Cannes

Whenever there is a major event with stars I like to take the time to give you a straight guys take on the red carpet fashion trends. It brings out the inner fashionista in me.

Drunken Mistakes: Sometimes having to pee trumps thought

We have all been there, sloshed and looking for a place to urinate.

After a night of dj’ing at the local watering hole I started my walk home. By walk I mean stumbling in a zig-zag formation and trying not to bump into anything or twist an ankle. On my way home I determined that I really needed to pee and being a man of class I didn’t want to whip it out and go on someone’s front lawn. I convinced myself that I only had two blocks to walk before I was home where I could pee and then grab something to eat.

5 more ways Shia LaBeouf can figure in the desecration of my childhood

In each of the last two summers Shia Labeouf starred in a movie that totally destroyed my childhood. Last year I didn’t blame him for Transformers, I clearly laid the blame on the biggest racist working in Hollywood today, Michael Bay. So Labeouf got off. After watching Indiana Jones this weekend I have now come to the conclusion that Shia Labeouf is out to rape any joyful memory that I have from my childhood.

Here are five ways that he can continue on his path of destroying everything I loved as a kid.

The Obligatory Pardon This Mess Post

I hate when people are redoing their site and write a post telling you that they are redoing their site. It is kind of insulting to the intelligence of the average everyday person that reads the site. Obviously they know the site looks different, you don’t need to tell them that it looks different. Although knowing the amount of illegal narcotics the average reader here consumes you will probably awake from your stupor like three months from now and just notice that the site changed. So maybe it is good that I write this.

Apparently I am a bukkake expert

I’ve talked before about how people find my webpage with some of the most insane search terms ever. Well apparently my new friend Deepak found my post about bukkake and for some reason he believes that I am an expert on it. (Apparently this is an informational blog, not a humor blog.) I am not sure if that is an honor or if I should be totally frightened? But I guess I will run with it.

Here is his message: