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Apr
29

I like my sex symbols (barely) legal

By: Bobby Finstock on 04/29/08 @ 6:58 am

The whole world is abuzz about the Vanity Fair pictures of Miley Cyrus who sits topless with a sheet wrapped around here. Parents of children in her fan base are freaking out and saying that she isn’t a role model worrying that their 11 year old daughters will be trying to recreate the shoot at home with their Fisher Price digital camera .The Cyrus press machine has begun to distance themselves from the photo.

miley cyrus vanity fair

“I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed,” Cyrus said Sunday in a statement through her publicist. “I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

Well at least publically they are denouncing it but in reality they are following the playbook they need to in order to transition her to an older audience. One of the first things you need to do is turn her into a sex symbol of the Lolita variety in order to capture older girls and perverted old men.

You know like a former Mickey Mouse Club actress that wanted to become a pop star.

britney spears baby hit me one more time

Or the star of various Disney properties that wanted to launch an adult acting career and possibly a music career, none of this is new is it? Except maybe they are starting this out a year or two early.

lindsay lohan bikini

Personally I don’t see what the big deal is about the first picture, the one that I find troubling is this one.

miley and billy ray cyrus vanity fair

Is it me or has Billy Ray turned into the redneck version of Puffy mixed with the creepy molester guy from the bike shop from “Diff’rent Strokes”? The dude is piggybacking off of his daughter’s success in ways that has never been seen, “Sure my daughter can host that awards show but um… only I am co-host.” Or, “Oh you want to do an interview with both of us? Wait just her, sorry it is a package deal I need to regain the spotlight somehow.” What is next? Billy Ray just randomly appearing in her videos dancing or sitting in a hot tub with her drinking crystal and asking her, “how you feelin’ Miley Ray?” (I dug deep for that reference.)

Personally I can’t wait for Miley to be shot in a horrible drive by shooting that would be ordered by the Jonas Brothers. Then Billy Ray can release a tribute album to her and have that spark his own pop career, milking her death for all it’s worth.

Oh and by the way, at least there is one lesson to learn about all of this. That the British have class, Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame waited until she was 18 before she partially flashed her clam sandwich (link NSFW). Once again proving the British are just that much classier than us.

What do you think about the pictures?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Filed in: Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

40 Responses to “I like my sex symbols (barely) legal”

  1. Meghan says:

    I think you should have dedicated this blog to ‘YouTube kid’ you offered to adopt. I’m awaiting further confrontation once this breaking news hits his basement.

  2. Bex says:

    Was that a Trading Places reference I smelled??? Nice…. Better than, “Whose been puttin’ their coals out on the floh???!”

    As for Miley, meh…I don’t really give a shit. And my daughters (7 and 8) adore her. At least she didn’t get into a limo flashing her clean shaven tutu for the world to see. Regardless, I think it’s important that kids understand that these aren’t demigods who can do no wrong. And I think it’s ok to admire someone for one aspect of their life while not exactly approving of the rest. But mostly I just feel…I guess it would be indifference. Yawn. Yeah, that’s indifference, alright.

    BTW – did you hear about that crazy fucker in Austria? Someone needs to burn that dude at the cross.

    • Kevin says:

      I heard about that dude. I thought about writing about him but I don’t how to make serial bondage, kidnapping, inbreeding, and rape funny. Well unless I was talking about West Virginia.

      • Bex says:

        What he did to his family isn’t at all funny. But I do see some irony that Austria is now known for a Julie Andrews musical (The Sound of Music) and this crazy fucker. But you’re right. It would be difficult to write anything amusing that would also be appropriate given the atrocities committed.

        I cannot imagine what his wife must be feeling. Everything from inexpressable guilt to homicidal rage would be my guess.

        Back to your topic du jour – I’m in for the pool. My guess is rehab by age 17.

  3. Josh says:

    Let’s slut these girls up!
    Trainwreck in 3 -5, in my estimate.

  4. Daniel says:

    I knew she was sliding down the slippery slope when she legally changed her name.

    They need the publicity, otherwise, who will care about the little trollop and her inbred father?

  5. moooooog35 says:

    If you look really closely at the last picture with her dad, you can see Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC peeking around the corner.

  6. Lisa says:

    I agree about the Billy Ray stuff. He does seem to be latching on to his kid’s star. And that one photo creeped me out more than the controversial one — what’s with his hand on her leg? Weirdo…

  7. David says:

    As I sat down to my computer this morning I said to myself, “Kevin’s blog is going to be about Miley Cyrus.” Sure enough, you didn’t let me down. Thanks. Now I can’t wait for your future sons’ reaction. This is good to be great. I have something to look forward to at the end of the day.

    • Kevin says:

      man I am predictable. believe me I have been waiting to see if he posted a video… I keep checking my subscriptions on youtube for it.

  8. NYCWD says:

    Besides the fact that in the first photo she looks like a cheap chubby geisha… the second photo is way more disturbing.

    All she needs to do is roll over… and we’re into the “Incest is best… put your daughter to the test on Route 69″ territory.

    Disney needs to take some action against these “stars”… like maybe Zoe 101ing them… but that’s doubtful for the financial loss would be hard to explain to stockholders.

    • Kevin says:

      Don’t you think that Disney can just replace any of these people. Like they are just another product the company produces?

  9. Julie says:

    Ugh. It just cracks me up that she’s shown more skin in dresses on the red carpet then that pic of her back. And the pic with her dad is way creepy to me. Very Simpsons’ Dad-esque. I’m way more disturbed by that one, personally.

  10. Mandygirl says:

    A) The picture isnt even that hot, she looks dirty
    B) Atleast she’s not pregnant, right?

  11. The Muse says:

    Miley is just a money-making publicity machine. This is just all part of the plan. She’s probably still claiming she’s a virgin, and I predict she’ll be in rehab in two years.

  12. Marcie says:

    she looks ugly as hell in the first one anyways….but at 15…she should keep her shirt on regardless…

    and that picture with daddy….hmmm daddy or much older boy toy….thats what it makes me wonder…

    when she first came out I had some faith (i have a young daughter who enjoys hannah montana) But now I see a brittany in the making…

    seriously…she needs to keep Stut…stut…stutering when she talks to boys and stop taking her clothes off and cuddling with dad…

  13. bethany says:

    I’m so angered by their denouncement of the pictures, claiming that they didn’t see them before press time. BULL SHIT! That they’re sort of asserting that this is the work of the photographer is absolute, utter nonsense. Annie Leibowitz is KNOWN for taking these types of photos. Where was the concern raised then?

    You know, honestly? The cover shot – the one causing the controversy, is symbolic of what the media is talking about… when do we lose our innocence? It’s a power shot..

    But you’re right, the more troubling of the photos is the one no one is talking about. I love my father… but I don’t LOVE my father.. and I’d never take a photo with him like that…

  14. yep says:

    I agree. And that pic is creepy. “Roll over Miley so I can snort some ice off your chest, or you can just give Daddy some cash to keep me off you for a few hours”

  15. jamie says:

    what’s first? Playboy? Or will she just settle for sending in pics to Hustler’s Beaver Hunt?

  16. LOTNorm says:

    I can’t believe I actually feel like a dirty old man.

    I also can’t wait for the prerequisite sex video in a few years when the tweeniness wears off.

  17. merri says:

    the dad pic looks like theyre dating. ew. the main pic tho, maybe a little much but not really… theres nothing slutty about it at all. nakedness is not bad, and people need to learn that. plus you cant see anything. i think it’s a nice picture..

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  19. Christy says:

    Argh, did you see the comments on the emma watson pic? I think it tales a seriously unbalanced person to get that much of a kick out of a blatantly accidental crotch shot..
    Must be you pervy americans ;)

  20. Kevin says:

    Damn that means I am on the hook for writing seven more years.

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