I have lived in three different states in my lifetime. I don’t think that is impressive at all but what is impressive is I have had to learn at least 7 different cable systems and satellite channel structures that I can remember. Now personally I think that is amazing. In fact I think it ranks right up there with… with… with… uh… other feats that show off the amazing ability of the human brain.
With my move to Boston I became a Comcast cable subscriber for the first time. Now before I moved here if anyone told me that they had Comcast I wouldn’t figure that it was important and that they were like any other cable company. However that is so far from the truth, they are lying sons of bitches.
Why do I think that?
Did I get screwed over on a bill? No.
Does my service not work? Nope everything is fine.
You know the little guide that gives you the schedule? On most cable systems and satellite providers it just provides you with a description of the show or movie. Not on Comcast, they provide you with a half ass written review and according to them EVERYTHING is good, including this pile of crap…
Here is what it says for “John Tucker Must Die”:
“Killer comedy about a trio of vengeful teenage girls who go to hilarious lengths to get even with a three-timing high school lothario who’s been stringing them along.”
First of all I doubt anyone that would be a target viewer for “John Tucker Must Die” would know what a lothario is. Also there was nothing hilarious about “John Tucker Must Die”, trust me I know I have watched it at least three times. (Kidding… partially.)
The other thing that bothers me about this is that they still use the star rating system, so the movie has a glowing review and only two stars. How can a movie be hilarious and also suck at the same time? Well unless it is hilariously bad, but I doubt that is what they were going for here.
I know you want to rope is in and spend more time watching television Comcast so we see a value for our ever growing cable bills, but it is time for to clean up your act. Either give us straight up descriptions of the movie or brutally honest reviews. Here is my proposed review for “John Tucker Must Die”.
“Passable teen comedy about jealous ex girlfriends getting revenge on a guy that played them. Worth watching to see all the hot barely legal girls that you will think of while screwing your wife tonight after sharing a box of wine. Chicks and gay dudes will also enjoy Jesse Metcalfe who is sans shirt as much as possible throughout this flick.”
Now that is more like it. (the quote not the picture)
What do you want reviews or just straightforward descriptions?