Five Stand Up Comedians That Shouldn’t Make Movies Anymore
One trend that I have noticed over the years is that stand up comedians make really crappy movies. It didn’t use to be that way: Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, and Steve Martin all made some great movies during the 80s. However that has changed over the years, now stand up comedians are best suited for sitcoms where they essentially play themselves or voices in animated movies (which I don’t factor into the equation). Here is a list of the top five offenders when it comes to stand up comedians making bad movies.
5-Larry the Cable Guy- Actually I would like to ask him to not only stop doing movies but to stop doing standup… oh and NutriSystem ads. He has done three movies and they all have been unwatchable. Before you try and defend any of his movies look at his co-stars and it tells you the quality he is putting out: Jenny McCarthy, DJ Qualls, and… actually he didn’t have a co-star in the health inspector movie worth mentioning. Jenny McCarthy’s autistic kid is sharper than Larry the Cable guy.
4-Cedric the Entertainer- While Larry is 0-3 in the movie department Cedric is 0-20 and with a remake of the Rodney Dangerfield movie “Back to School” scheduled for 2010 the streak shall remain in tact all while pissing on the grave of a comedic legend. I don’t think Cedric even reads the scripts, well not that they are that different he gets one of two roles:
Role A: Regular guy that gets put into whacky situations.
Role B: Tough guy that has incompetent people around him.
He is a crappy movie making machine. Kind of like Ivan Drago in Rocky IV except he isn’t sleeping with Brigitte Neilson.
3-Dane Cook- Everyone’s favorite punching bag, next to Carlos Mencia, in the comedy world. Cook was the hot property for a few years starring in a couple of romantic flicks aimed at teens and early twenty something’s. Then he decided to take a dramatic turn in the Kevin Costner flix “Mr. Brooks”. I guess being in a Costner movie and trying out his dramatic chops was a good thing, at least he knows nobody was going to watch it and criticize him. Cook’s shine has come off him a little bit and only has one upcoming movie in 2008 and nothing else in production. However the movie that he does have coming out has some big name people in it so it should get a push. He is the leading man in a movie with Kate Hudson, Alex Baldwin, and Jason Biggs in it… Okay maybe I didn’t need to mention Biggs.
2-Chris Rock- Rock might be the best standup comedian alive on the planet today but his movie choices have been horrible except for the two Kevin Smith movies he did and PootieTang. (PootieTang is a modern American classic.) The worst part is he has written a lot of the crap he has starred in: Head of State, I Think I Love My Wife, and Down to Earth. When you write your own vehicles and they suck that is a sign that you need to stick to the stage.
1-Eddie Murphy- Growing up I remember getting excited when Eddie Murphy had a movie coming out. “Raw” and “Delirious” were two stand up films that really made me fall in love with comedy and the theatrical movies that he was putting out during these years were great (48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop, Trading Places, Coming to America). Since getting caught picking up a trannie hooker his movies have blown. (I bet you he must love the invention of craigslist.)
If you don’t include Shrek (which we aren’t because it is animation) and you take away “Dreamgirls” Eddie Murphy hasn’t been in a movie worth watching in over ten years, which is amazing to me. But what is even more amazing is he has no fewer than 6 movies in production right now. It is painful to watch a comedic genius die a slow and painful death on the screen, almost as bad as watching DeNiro and Pacino kill their illustrious careers with half assed efforts.
So sound off, who do you think should stop making movies?
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On 04/23/08 at 7:27 am
Meghan said:
David Spade. It’s awful to watch. He was only funny with Chris Farley.
On 04/23/08 at 8:41 am
Kevin said:
Did his show on comedy central get the ax?
On 04/23/08 at 12:25 pm
Tiffany P. said:
i dunno!
i REALLY liked “Lost and Found” (with the model’s missing dog).
On 04/23/08 at 2:04 pm
techfun said:
I agree. With the exception of his TV role on “Just Shoot Me” David Spade has been useless since he left SNL and Farley died.
On 04/23/08 at 7:29 am
Meghan said:
And Pootie Tang is a killer flick! Written by Louis C.K. and I love that man. Two Words: Duck Vaginas.
On 04/23/08 at 8:42 am
Kevin said:
Louis C.K. also co-wrote I think I love my wife… so..
On 04/23/08 at 12:04 pm
Meghan said:
Eek. Really? Thats a pisser.
On 04/23/08 at 12:30 pm
Meghan said:
Dane Cook drives me batshit. I saw him in Boston and it was plain garbage. He’s just an over grown Sprite!
Comedians need to do us all a service and stick to what they know.
It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.
On 04/23/08 at 7:38 am
Meghan said:
I just reread this with my eyes open - there is going to be a Cedric Version of Back To School?!?!?!!? You can’t remake a Rodney Flick!
On 04/23/08 at 8:42 am
Kevin said:
“I’d like to tame your shrew”
On 04/23/08 at 12:07 pm
Meghan said:
“Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.”
On 04/23/08 at 12:23 pm
Kevin said:
it was robert downey jr’s finest performance ever
On 04/23/08 at 7:41 am
scott said:
No one comes to mind this early in the morning except Steven Segall who is not a comedian but he is a joke!!
On 04/23/08 at 8:43 am
Kevin said:
He is an excellent recording artist.
On 04/23/08 at 7:53 am
kate said:
5 words = Chris Tucker and Jack Black. Pootie Tang is a must-have. When will Shrek be added to Eddie’s list? After Shrek Goes Fourth comes out or the untitled fifth one?
On 04/23/08 at 8:43 am
Kevin said:
I kind of liked “be kind rewind” it was cute.
On 04/23/08 at 11:19 am
kate said:
You and 4 other people
On 04/23/08 at 12:22 pm
Kevin said:
Damn you
On 04/23/08 at 5:18 pm
loljaime said:
lmao I liked it too.
On 04/23/08 at 12:29 pm
Tiffany P. said:
how the hell can you put jack black in this??
1) Jack Black was NEVER a standup comedian.
he’s just funny.
How can you sit through “School of Rock”, “High Fidelity”, or “Nacho Libre” and not LAUGH your ass off?
“Orange County”, “Shallow Hal”, “Saving Silverman!”
Even his “regular joe” characters in “Enemy of the State”, and “Cable Guy” were good.
Chris Tucker, however, can go to hell.
On 04/23/08 at 8:18 am
Steve said:
I agree with Kate. Chris Tucker and Jack Black aren’t funny anymore.
Does Chris Tucker do anything other than those Rush Hour movies anymore? I’m sure in Rush Hour 50 they will actually be stuck in rush hour and you have to watch that for 2 hours.
On 04/23/08 at 8:44 am
Kevin said:
he has made so much from them that he doesn’t need to work…
On 04/23/08 at 10:08 am
Steve said:
I hope you’re right.
On 04/23/08 at 8:38 am
matty said:
I’ll throw out Patton Oswalt just for you Kevin. Even if he hasn’t “starred” in anything other than Ratatouille, I know you’d appreciate my mentioning him.
On 04/23/08 at 8:44 am
Kevin said:
Hey he was in Taxi
On 04/23/08 at 8:45 am
Fiona said:
Eddie Murphy just needs to be put down like a rabid dog. I swear, if he makes one move movie wearing a fat suit I’m going to fly my ass to Cali and suffocate him with the damn fat suit.
On 04/23/08 at 9:11 am
Kevin said:
I know… I just want him to make a comeback by doing one more great standup special
On 04/23/08 at 9:11 am
Fanton said:
As much as it pains me to say, Steve Martin needs to stop now before he sullies his good name any further.
What happened to these guys? Sigh.
On 04/23/08 at 9:17 am
Kevin said:
Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy… they are just pure shit now.
On 04/23/08 at 12:33 pm
Tiffany P. said:
Steve Martin is doing “okay”
I really love the “Father of the Bride” movies, and i thought “Bringing down the House” was pretty funny.
i also liked the “cheaper by the dozen” flicks.
steve does a funny “angry everyman”
yeah. those were over 10 years ago, i know.
but at least he’s not pumping out PURE tripe.
On 04/23/08 at 9:18 am
Mike said:
Actually, Eddie Murphy was in a very funny 1999 Steve Martin movie (actually, Martin’s last funny movie, I believe) called “Bowfinger.” Of course, your opinion might vary but I think it’s worth checking out.
On 04/23/08 at 9:49 am
Kevin said:
Bowfinger wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great, I don’t know maybe my expectations of them are so high.
On 04/23/08 at 9:29 am
Garg the Unzola said:
Picking up a hooker trannie is an honest mistake!
It could happen to anyone!
On 04/23/08 at 9:51 am
Kevin said:
I know they just magically appear in your car
On 04/23/08 at 9:37 am
em em said:
As they’re getting older the comedians are going to family movies which is all good and fine but some of them try too hard, it’s looking like Martin Lawrence and Robin Williams will be needing to hang it up pretty soon too.
On 04/23/08 at 9:52 am
Kevin said:
Robin Williams might be one of the most overrated comedians of the past 30 years. I can’t watch him do standup anymore he references things that are so old.
On 04/23/08 at 10:30 am
Grace said:
In the infamous words of Louis C.K. - Robin Williams can “suck a bag of dicks”.
On 04/23/08 at 12:43 pm
Tiffany P. said:
WHAT THE HELL.
i’ve never been compelled to comment so much on one of kevin’s blogs as this one.
ROBIN Williams?? REALLY?
did you even SEE “August Rush”, “Insomnia”, “One Hour Photo”, “Fisher King” “Patch Adams”, “Good Will Hunting”, “Dead Poets Society”, “Good Morning Vietnam”????
He’s been nominated for FOUR Oscars, FIVE Emmy’s, and ELEVEN Golden Globes.
he’s nowhere in the same LEAGUE as martin lawrence.
On 04/23/08 at 1:19 pm
Destiny said:
One Hour Photo was terrible. I kept watching it, hoping something would happen, and was sorely disappointed. I would even go as far as to say it’s the worst movie I have ever seen. Then again, I haven’t seen too many movies.
On 04/23/08 at 1:54 pm
em em said:
Whoa. Calm down and read the comment again. It references doing crappy family movies. Robin Williams is at a point in his career where he has to take what he can get which is stupid family movies, including August Rush, and that craptastic RV movie he made which was such a waste of reel that I won’t even bother to look up the actual title on IMDB. Aaaaand. Martin may not have the same acting chops Williams USED to have, but he is way funnier than Robin Williams, though even his humor lost it’s edge a while ago, but cripes, it’s embarassingly painful to even try to watch Robin Williams attempt comedy anymore.
On 04/23/08 at 10:28 am
Grace said:
“I think I love my wife” was a sad sad sad experience for me.
I refused to believe the reviews because…it’s Chris Fucking Rock.
I made it through the first seven minutes before I shut it off and put in “Never Scared”.
How did that happen? I’m still heartbroken!
On 04/23/08 at 10:31 am
Kevin said:
I watched it three times trying to figure out why it was so bad.
On 04/23/08 at 5:43 pm
Ashley Steel said:
Honestly, it was just super uncomfortable to watch. I had to leave the room a few times… PAINFUL.
On 04/23/08 at 11:59 am
Ian said:
I just think it’s important DANE COOK stop doing anything, standup or movies. HE SUCKS BALLS
On 04/23/08 at 12:44 pm
Karl Rove said:
I was going to be pissed if Eddie Murphy wasn’t number 1 on this list.
And can Larry the Cable Guy even read, let alone know what the fake Constitution tattoo on that album cover says?
On 04/23/08 at 12:59 pm
Kristen King said:
How about Robin Williams? Anyone see RV? Oh my GAWD that was awful. Hubby watched it this weekend and it was painful even from the other side of the house.
On 04/23/08 at 1:04 pm
Kristen King said:
P.S. But his serious roles are awesome. I heart 1-Hour Photo.
On 04/23/08 at 1:21 pm
Destiny said:
I think you summed it up with Larry The Cable Guy. I can’t stand that dude. I like the Blue Collar guys, just not him. I don’t understand why people think he’s funny. I think it’s because he talks like a retard.
He’s not a comedian but I think Toby Keith should stop making movies. Just because I can’t freaking stand him.
On 04/23/08 at 1:47 pm
Charles Sapp said:
I think someone else said Chris Tucker and his role in Friday, thats it. The Rush Hours never really interested me, but its hilarious how Hollywood thinks that pairing a black man with another race is always funny.
Food for thought, Jamie Fox has done excellent while steering away from his comedic roots and its seems frightening when Robin Williams plays serious roles as well. Not everyone can be funny.
On 04/23/08 at 2:14 pm
Melissa said:
I disagree with NOT having Dane Cook on film anymore, psh.
Only because I want to see more of him half-naked, ahem.
Screw the others.
On 04/23/08 at 3:35 pm
-Dallas- said:
Dig it and dug it! You’re spot on with this list, to me Eddie Murphy being the worst offender of the bunch. In fact I wrote a little blurb about his new movie “Meet Dave” last night. You know where to go check it out when you can.
On 04/23/08 at 4:40 pm
LOTNorm said:
Wanda Sykes. Katt Williams. I would say Jamie Foxx but he’s done some actual really good work. He just needs to stay away from the shitty ones.
I do agree with your list, though, sadly.
On 04/23/08 at 5:05 pm
Li'l Billy said:
Doesn’t Eddy’s movies go straight to DVD now?
On 04/23/08 at 5:55 pm
Sean said:
Kevin:
Sorry to disagree, but I don’t think Larry The Cable Guy, Dane Cook & Cedric were ever good enough to provide the anguish and disappointment of the once great once but now just go through the emotions and pick up the check:
Eddie Murphy - Every time he does that stupid laugh I want to hurt someone.
Steve Martin - All of me, The Jerk, My Blue Heaven were classics. Boring fatherhood stuff… on Letterman last week he seemed heavily sedated.
Chevy Chase - never, ever funny. Vacation movies were hilarious, but he wasn’t acting.
Woody Allen - They should have imprisoned him for the Soon Yi thing and made him make movies like Love & Death & Take the Money & Run a condition of his parole.
Robin Williams: When people praised sentimental crap like Dead Poets and Good Morning Vietnam they created a monster. He’s the worst, since a Fisher King will set you up for five losers. Unless Jeff Bridges is in it, it will only bring you heartache.
On 04/23/08 at 6:01 pm
Sean said:
Now do overrated monotone actors who should shouldn’t be allowed to make movies so Keanu Reeves, Kevin Costner and Sandra Bullock can be embalmed and laid to rest.
On 04/23/08 at 9:45 pm
Jean said:
Chris Rock was watchable in the Lethal Weapon movie, only because Mel Gibson and Danny Glover were great.
On 04/23/08 at 11:04 pm
Shelly said:
I have to say the last few movies I saw with Will Farrell have been horrible. There are always a few funny parts, but you can see them all in the previews.
On 04/25/08 at 8:53 am
Allen Taylor said:
I only half-way agree with Cedric the E. The Barber Shop movies were hilarious, but that’s about his limit. Yes, I would add Robin Williams. He was one of my favorite comedians in the 80’s. Back then, he rocked. But, like Murphy, he really hasn’t done anything worth watching since “Good Morning Vietnam.” And his stand up has gone sour.
On 04/25/08 at 6:16 pm
MC said:
Carrot Top. Chairman of the Board. Painful.