I Answer The Hard Hitting Questions From Seventeen Magazine
Every once in awhile I like to visit the website of Seventeen Magazine and see the questions that their readers send in. Frankly I feel that the answers they give these girls are usually wrong, so it is up to Uncle Kevin to sweep in driving his van with no windows to give these girls the proper advice they need. As always these are actual questions with my answers.
Q:”Can I still get pregnant from having sex in the water?”
–Stephanie, 16, Oakville, ON
A: Steph- it is a well-known fact that water kills sperm especially if there are high amounts of chlorine in it. So if you were planning on banging your boyfriend in the hot tub while your parents are out of down I give it a thumbs up.
In fact for future reference you don’t even need to use a condom anymore, especially if you have a detachable showerhead. After you get done having sex just take that bad boy off and shoot it into your love hole. The water will kill all the sperm. I know some doctors will tell you that the sperm will ride the water like a surfer all the way to your eggs but that is a lie. They get it confused with the scrubbing bubbles and how they work.
Q: “Is it normal to get pimples near your vagina? Not in it, but around where I shave?”
–Chelsea, 17, Marina, NY
A: You may want to go out and invest in some:
Just sayin’.
Q: “I’m a freshman in high school, and I’m really hitting it off with a junior. He’s so sweet, but I’ve heard rumors that upperclassmen are just trying to get in your pants. What’s the deal with dating upperclassmen?”
–Joy, 14, San Francisco, CA
A: You see Joy this is how it works. In high school if a boy doesn’t have the ability to sleep with anyone in his class or if they have already slept with everyone in their class they need to look to the underclassmen or out of town to get laid.
So be prepared that about three weeks into the relationship when you inevitably say that you are falling in love with him, like every other idiot high school girl, he will reply by saying, “If you really love me you would put my throbbing man meat into your mouth.”
I know you probably want to wait until marriage. So just remember two things… Oral sex and anal sex don’t count as real sex! They are just fun things that god made available to you so you can save it for your wedding night! (because you will never do either again after you are married)
Q: “My boyfriend and I have recently started to have oral sex. We have not yet had vaginal sex. Is it possible for me to get pregnant?”
–Anonymous, 16, OH
A: Conventional wisdom says no… But if you go down on him and he ejaculates into your mouth, then you spit it back into his mouth, and then he goes down on you and spits it into your vagina… Well you could have a baby on the way nine months later.
Just so you know this is how Ashlee Simpson got pregnant.
And now a little contest…
Take your shot at answering the question below in the comments section. The best answer will win a $25 gift card to Amazon or Itunes, whichever you prefer and a copy of the ebook Power of a Social Network: BlogCatalog which is being donated from MattNuts.com. (the winner will be announced at the end of the week)
Q: “What is the best way to let my mom know I’m pregnant?”
–Anonymous
A: Write your answer in the comments below.
If you like a submitted caption reply to the comment and give them your “vote”.
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
write it on a piece of paper, stick it to the bathroom door, then send your dear mother in. when shes calmed down, let her out again. this may take a while.
Bathroom correspondence is how I handle most of my major news telling.
As with all things of a delicate nature I feel it’s best to hide it from her for as long as possible and then when it gets towards the stage where deceit is impossible and a coat hanger has failed to dislodge the problem. That’s the time to bring in your pre-prepared “The funny looking neighbour raped me story” This approach not only gives you a ton of post rape sympathy but also rids the neighbourhood of a potential sex pest, thereby killing two birds with one stone and bingo!!! Everyone is happy(with the exception of the incarcerated neighbour obviously, but he deserved it)
lololololol hilarious this should definitely win!”
this explains why Mr. Johnson went away when I was little.
i think the best time would be around 4am when mom’s gets home from working at the strip club. you can present her with the pretty blue lined pregnancy test strip while she’s still strung out on crack & counting her 1’s.. it’s probably best that ur thug boyfriend is no where in the vicinity of ur trailer park, just in case mom doesnt take it so well. note, hide the shotgun beforehand… second option, there’s always the jerry springer show…
Strippers aren’t usually on crack… Meth is the way to go
‘Mum – I’m pregnant, but it’s Dad’s fault.’
I have only read a handful and we have more incest jokes than you can shake a stick at.
I think the best way to let your mom know is to hide your pregnancy until the baby arrives. Then bring it home and say “Mom, meet my new little sister/brother” because we all know who will really be raising that baby.
haha @ Tracys…this one is good…
It’s funny because it is true.
the best way to tell mommy your knocked up is to not tell her at all. start buying baby things and setting up a nursery….deny, deny, deny untill the baby comes…she wont even know the difference.
Denial has gotten me far in life.
Ok – here’s what we’ll need:
Mask, Ball gag (can we borrow yours), large sheet of plastic, rope, and a rented room in a warehouse down by the docks.
Dose the step dad with drugs and alcohol – they’ll love it and never know what hit them (Step dad – I know, playing the dysfunctional family card might not be fair. But if you’re knocked up and have to ask Seventeen Magazine for advice, there must be a broken home involved).
Drag him down to room in warehouse and tie to chair. Insert and tighten ball gag – not too tight. Turn on small tv in front of him and make them watch re-runs of
“Something To Talk About” with Julia Roberts and Dennis Quaid. Release ransom note before dawn. Get some sleep.
Wake up to house full of reporters and policeman. Walk downstairs sleepy eyed and lovingly embrace your worried and frantic mother.
Allow the search to go on for several days, you need to let the panic build.
On day 5, When reporters ask to take your statement, laugh and say
“Just kidding everyone, I’m only pregnant”
Bring Attorney. You may need one – the good news is they may not lock you up, in your delicate condition.
I needed to draw a diagram for this.
Dear Anonymous,
The following steps are a tried and true method to tell your parents that you’re pregnant. Deviation from any of these steps may result in your parents suicide.
1) Go to New York, 15th and Broadway. Meet up with a man named “Guapo.” Tell him that “Beano sent you.”
2) Once you have your new identity, you will need to move to Canada (or some other country that is populated by pussies and has free health care – because your parents sure ain’t gonna want to foot the bill for your little bastard).
3) Contact your parents via a borrowed cell phone. If you have $20 leftover from pimping yourself out (you are a whore, right?), you can ask the person you borrowed the cell phone from to make the call for you.
4) Tell your parents – via phone – that you’re now living in a foreign country with a new identity, are a prostitute, are pregnant, and now have syphillis that you’ve contracted from the borrowed cell phone.
With any luck, the pregnancy thing will seem trivial and fall through the cracks. Your parents will wire you money to come home, where they will raise the child themselves…although they WILL name it “Little Bitch” or “Little Bastard,” simply out of spite.
If this DOESN’T work, head back to New York to see Guapo. He’s always looking for new girls.
Good luck!
I am actually related to Guapo
Wait until you are at least 4 to 5 months pregnant.
Make sure that you get your family together for movie night….The best ones would be Exorcist 1, 2 or 3 and Rosemary’s Baby.
After watching all of these go to bed and pretend to have horrible nightmares.
Once mom comes in to comfort you admit to her that the devil possessed you and raped you so now you are going to have a demon child.
SURPRISE!!!
Vote!!!
The only person that hasn’t molested this girl yet is the milkman… This is great.
First thing you do is make sure you tell her she is really not your mom.This will throw her for a loop. Tell her that she fell off a boat and when your Dad rescued her she had amnesia and does not remember who she really was. Now comes the tricky part. You tell her that your Dad is not really your Dad, he is just a Cuban drug lord who kidnapped you from one of his old family members when he wanted revenge for the slaying of his Tia Cecilia, who was also his first piece of ass ever. Now tell her he has knocked you up and will not pay for the abortion that the greasy man at the corner garage will give you. When your Mom comes to in intensive care where she is recuperating from a heart attack, just smile sweetly as only you can and tell her it was all just a joke. Jim Bob got you pregnant! She will be so happy she won’t even give a shit.
Q: “What is the best way to let my mom know I’m pregnant?â€
That depends on your gender.
If you are a boy, the best way to tell mom is on Oprah. Mom would love that. Problem solved.
If you are a girl, the best way to tell mom is when you are on top of the staircase, or while she is holding a coat hanger. Preferably while you are on top of the stair case and she is holding a coat hanger. You can’t be too safe.
But I guess we’ve already established that you can’t be too safe.
No need for an elaborate plan, just keep it simple. Go down to Wal-Mart and buy her “The worlds greatest Grandma” t-shirt and matching coffee mug. Give said present to mother. Her first reply will be, “Oh that’s cute but I’m not a Grandma.” You reply with “Surprise, you learn something new everyday!”
Note: Dislodging an XXL t-shirt and lead painted coffee cup made in China from ones vaginal cavity can be very difficult. Before presentation of present, have boyfriend throw a load of “dick snot” in said cavity. The lubrication should help ease the pain. This plan with not work if your older sister has served more men then the first McDonalds and is now carrying around three kids. (I have a feeling this is the case.)
Don’t worry, didn’t you see “Juno”? I am sure your parents will be thrilled, and not even raise their voices or tell you that you are a completely waste. They’ll probably even buy you a car. If that is not the case, sorry, I tend to believe pseudo-hipster indie movies completely unrealistic story lines and run with them.
Thank you. Glad I’m not the only one who couldn’t stand that shitty movie… (and referenced it in our answers)
What was the deal with that? I hated that movie. Its ok I got knocked up because I was a stupid bored whore. Because I’m giving it up for adoption. I’m practically Mother Teresa. Urgh. What a waste of 2 hours. Glad I’m not the only one who hated it.
While it may seem the best way to handle this little slip up is to be honest and upfront with your mother, it won’t get you a whole lot of sympathy. You need to be sure to make Mom know this is all her fault, not yours! If Mom had advocated anal like she should’ve, this mess wouldnt have happened in the first place! What are mothers teaching their daughters? Everyone knows that while oral and anal might lead to an unsightly rash, they will never get you preggers. Blame Mom for her sexual inadequacies! Maybe if she had gotten around a bit more, instead of having you at 16, you wouldnt be in this predicament.
Q: What is the best way to let my mom know I’m pregnant
A: There are a multitude of ways to tell her, but do you really want to be pregnant? Come on, you’re what- 16? Jesus Christ, just jump down the stairs or find a nice metal coathanger and give yourself a metal wire abortion.
Seriously, Jesus Christ- what is with you? Why the hell would you have sex without a condom?!
You know what, nevermind- tell your mother you were gang raped by your step-father and you have to keep the baby.
Your step-dad leaves (he was an ass anyways, right?) and you get a bit of sympathy in your trailer.
One of my neighbors kids ended up pregnant in high school. She was due in January so by the time she was showing she was wearing heavy sweaters to cover up most of the bump. The day she went into labor she told her mom she was having a really bad stomach ache and thought they should go to the hospital. Might be her appendix. Well, a few hours later out popped a baby. Her parents had no time to even get angry at her or think about it – they just had to accept it. Bonus points for her, she went to a hospital that opened a new nursery. Her baby was the first born and she went home with a carseat, diaper bag and other goodies. So, I totally agree with Tracy above – just don’t tell them, fake a stomach ache and no one will have time to think about it!
When talking to her just call her grandma. She will think you are making an age comment. Do this a few times, spread out over several weeks/months. That way when she says as she will “What the fuck were thinking or you werent thinking why didnt you tell me you little tramp you ruined your life” You can honestly say I why do you think I kept calling you grandma.
First, start going to church daily. Make sure Mom knows, than follow up by talking “Jesus” daily. After a few weeks, call Mom into your room at 2:45 a.m., than tell her a bright light awakened you. Explain that “some ethereal-lookin’dude” talked to you. Though you were clearly bleary-eyed and half-asleep, he seemed to be explaining something about a “miracle” and that you were now with child. Not just ANY child, but a Son of God. A Gift. Now, Mom may not buy this at first, but keep up the devotionals (why not, your boyfriend has dumped you since the pregnancy story has leaked out to your BFF, who you TOLD not to tell anyone) and STICK to your story. Try to look virginal and mystified (ie: Don’t get stoned as often) and let theology take it’s course! Good luck to you from “You’re Not Seventeen Anymore” magazine!
I suggest using a sky writer to tell your parents your pregnant. Or you can use soap to write it on the bathroom mirror for the entire family to see.
Tell her you’re working on a science fair project and the topic you picked was teen pregnancy. She’ll totally appreciate your hard work and efforts in trying to get an A.
VOTE!!
Vote
The best thing to do is just come out say it. There’s no sense in hiding things – in a few months you will look like you swallowed a watermelon. You may want to ask your boyfriend to get some drugs you can slip into your mom’s drink before you tell her. This way she is slightly sedated and less likely to kick your ass or scream profanities at you when you tell her the good news. Good luck with everything! Think of it positively – now you can apply for welfare!
I have been there and done that so speaking from experience this is the ultimate way to tell your mom you are pregnant.
After visiting the posh college you were accepted to and on the plane ride home, puke in the air sick bags. Your mom will probably make fun of you because you have been well traveled and have been a plane ALOT and never did that before! Tell her that you have a surprise to tell her. Because up in the air there is no way she would be able to deny it. So just as the laughing is getting to you, tell her your pregnant. And hope that your grandparents that came with on the trip don’t have a heart attack.
I think that would be the easiest way….
Since the average reader’s age for Seventeen magazine is about 12 (17 y/o girls are too busy being cheerleaders and fucking quarterbacks to read the magazine), my guess is that you’re dumb as a post and your parents already expect this of you. So, don’t deny it! Throw your own baby shower and invite your mom. You’ll get some cool, free shit, and your mom won’t be able to react negatively in front of your frail grandmother whose sole wish is to see a great grandchild. So, rock on! And good luck with your 8th grade graduation.
Call her from the ambulance on your way to the delivery room and ask her to meet you there.
Text her!!!
Two mail in answers:
When the ‘baby bump’ starts to show, take a trip to the doctors. Hold them up with a needle or something of the like and make them sign a note that says you have a “tumor”.
When you eventually give birth to the “tumor”, claim it is the second coming of Christ and that you are the Virgin Mary reincarnated. The fact you are either clinically insane or the bearer of a miracle should distract her from the fact you just had a baby.
Bonus if you can make money off it.
Answer two:
A: Take your mom with you to the Bookstore, and have her purchase the book”What to Expect when Expecting” for you and when she ask you why you need this book, tell her a science experiment you were trying went totally wrong, therefore you are preparing for the outcome.
Well anonymous. Don’t say a word to your mom. Ever. Just have the baby at your prom like you always wanted to do and leave it in the dumpster. Nobody will find out and you can go on about your life. It always happens that way. Easy cheezy, nice and sleazy.
Contest over. I win.
I was waiting for a dumpster joke. Thank you for making my dreams come true.
I was reviewing the old posts on here and, well, didn’t “Matty” win? Shit. Did he get the gift card yet? It’s only been seven months…
Start by telling her that you have a confession to make and she should be sitting down. Then, tell her that you have been in a four month long sexual relationship with your P.E. teacher (The female one). Once your Mom calms down from hearing that you are in a lesbian, Lolita style relationship, pregnancy will pale in comparison.
Then you can tell her about the time you got Pimples near your vagina and he prematurely ejaculated, resulting in the her first Grandchild. Reassure her that you are not a skank, “Mom, I was saving myself for marriage and doing what Uncle Kevin said. He was only supposed to stick it in my ass but he missed by and inch.” That way she will know that you at least have some morals.
So the default avatar links to the red haired chick on MyBlogLog? Is this the girl that asked the question?
c’mon guys, it’s 2008 – send her an e-card or post it on youtube.
Send a mothers day card to yourself!
It’s simple really claim to be out of town on business for say about nine months or so and give birth. Then when I arrived home I would start with a game of hangman or charades. Giving hints of grandmother, pregnant, baby, etc. Then if my mother couldn’t connect it in fear of being the next young grandmother, I would pick up cue cards and make her read them. Then after she fainted and woke up, I would present her the baby. Because we all know that most women who see a cute and cuddly baby, just go simply aww at them.
“What is the best way to let my mom know I’m pregnant?â€
Thats easy, re-enact the sex for her. Dont skimp on the sluttiness. There should be props too. A bag of huggies and some formula might help.
A non-traditional greeting card from Kevin (I think you did a blog or two about these before).
Some possible cards:
“Mom, you always said that when I had kids I would understand” (Inside: Well…I’m going to understand very, very soon)
“Happy Mother’s Day Mom!” (Inside: Enjoy it; this time next year it’ll be me getting the presents.)
“Mom, I was gonna get you Juno on DVD…” (Inside: But then I realized it would be cheaper and more fun to just get pregnant instead. I know how much you love a witty pregnant teenager.)
I just realized the girl asking the first question (about sex in the water) lives in the town next to mine…think I might go take a drive down to the Lake later haha.
I like all of the entries but this is hella funny!
You know, call me a traditionalist but I think that the classics never go out of style. When I got my first girlfriend pregnant she was VERY nervous about telling her mom. So we did the adult thing.. and took her mother out to the bar with us. Let me tell you, nothing loosens up a mother or 17 year old mother-to-be like a couple of shots of yager. By the time my girlfriend was drunk enough to break the news to her mom, the soon to be grandma was straddling the toilet with both arms and blowing chunks like a freshman at her first kegger. I tell you though, once she stopped puking, making jokes about me being the looser that ruined her perfect daughter’s life, and soiling herself, we just laughed and laughed. *sigh… good times. The truth is, when you get pregnant from a man you love, your mom will always be happy for you. I mean, even when I left her daughter 2 months later because she was putting on a “few pounds†her mom stayed by her side, and interestingly enough, her 16 year old sisters side when we announced I had knocked her up as well a week and a half after that. Just remember, family always comes first.
Oh Kevin! you gotta choose this one.
or you do in this case
lol
Q: “What is the best way to let my mom know I’m pregnant?â€
–Anonymous
A: buy a discoball, spotlights and techno cds.
then at about around 3 or 4 a.m. lock your bedroom doors, put the cd’s on full blast and turn the lights on and then when your mom asks what was going on in your bedroom tell her aliens abducted you and planted an alien baby in your stomach. rawwr!
First you need to create a fake myspace or facebook page. Second write a long hearfelt blog about being 15, pregnant, and explain how your parents are very unsupportive. Then call your mom into your room and show her the blog and say it’s sad that her parents won’t show her any compassion and such. She will probably say something along the lines of any good parent would always support their child, especially in a time of need. After you know you have her believing she is such a good parent send her a text while she is at work, or when you are at a concert with a picture of the pregnancy test attatched. If you can get the announcement to come on April Fools Day or Grandparents day all the better.
Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you’re hiding your name, age and location tells me you are a nun locked away in a convent using a teen magazine for cover. I’ve seen this before. You’re afraid to tell your mother superior that frisky father Frank has impregnated yet another innocent child of god, but have no fear. They have intelligent ways of dealing with this little inconvenience and you won’t feel a thing. And you’ll like the medicines.
Obviously you would tell her on facebook, because I’m sure your whore mom has an account.
First on question 4, come on Kevin you know 16 year old aren’t snowballing yet… unless they’re related to Britney Spears. Then it’s a ritual. It’s amazing how many 16 year olds write into Seventeen magazine for answers. It’s like they think they’re just one year away from knowing it all.
Now to answer the question.
Q: “What is the best way to let my mom know I’m pregnant?â€
–Anonymous
By not sending this question in anonymously. You could start there, but since you obviously didn’t do that and are probably just some fat guy who likes roleplaying I’ll amuse you. If you want to tell your mom you’re pregnant there’s just three easy steps to follow: 1)Tell her you got Billy Ray Cyrus tickets for the two of you. She’s gonna be so excited she’ll probably piss her pants due to the incontinence she suffers from all those years of alcoholism. By the time the two of you go to the concert and she realizes it’s Hannah Montana she’ll have already got duded up in her blue jean vest, camel toe inducing cut-off shorts and Supercuts mullet hairdo. So she’ll try to sit through it but the vibration from shrills of preteen girls will just agitate her bladder causing multiple trips to the restroom, but the long lines will force her to the men’s room where she’ll run into none other than Billy Ray himself. She’ll start hitting on him, completely forgetting she has to piss. He’ll try to run but the last year of riding his daughter’s coat tails have weakened him. She’ll straddle him, which reminds him of when he played the bull at roleplaying parties (you know what I’m talking about). She’ll start pissing all over him and this’ll get him excited leading to one hell of a mullet flopping achey breaky lineorgasming. They won’t know whether they’re cumming or going. When she returns to your side this is when you suggest leaving for a tittybar down the street, which she’ll be fine with because she’s still horny and always been a bit of a closest lesbo. Besides, it’ll give you a chance to use that fake ID she got you. Once at the bar you tempt her with fuzzy navels and margaritas but she’s too distracted by the thought of “does it really feel like carpet?”. So you slip a stripper twenty bucks to go all Salma Hayek in From Dusk Til Dawn on her and pour that shit down her leg and into your mom’s mouth. Now that she’s officially off the wagon, the two of you will go on a binge of alcohol and taint sweat culminating in an incestual mother/daughter striptease (which is what will later be on YouTube). Now go home and flop her down in her bed and pretend it never happened. 2)Wait two weeks until you overhear her on the phone telling her cackling buddies that she’s totally pregnant with Billy Ray Cyrus’ baby. Don’t say anything. Wait the additional two weeks that it’ll undoubtedly take her to finally tell you. Lay on a guilt trip about how she’s a whore and the only reason she’s keeping it is to exploit a has been singer. After she cries that you’re wrong and mistakes happen to all of us but every baby deserves the right to live, you hug her and cry into her mullet laden shoulder. 3)Now is when you tell her.
lol
it was long but worth the read- got my vote.
that was funny
vote
Dear anonymous,
You woke up today and this is your life.
Not only did you sneak out of your housing project to check out Tragedy – a metal band tribute to the Bee Gees; but you got drunk off Captain Morgans and Mad Dog, hooked up with a fat guy and woke up with pudding all over your chest and a bun in the oven. It’s been 2 months since you got your period, and you know this because it was the week Rock of Love started on VH1. You’ve tried to get an abortion, but a bunch of
hookers hang out in the alley by the closest Planned Parenthood and you know what happened the LAST time you were in an alley with a hooker!
Thank heavens for dumpsters.
Only option is to tell mom. You thought you could soften the blow by getting dad on your side first, but when you tried you walked in on him beating off to the pictures of escorts at craigslist.org.
Something must be done. And mom is getting suspicious. You’ve been slamming mandarin orange cups like water and
visiting happy little children on youtube to prepare yourself for parenthood. Plus, she walked in on you changing the other day and your nipples were at least 2 shades darker.
Of course, your 2 best friends, Hayden and David aren’t any help! They just keep asking who gets to lick your baby bump 1st.
My suggestion, Play the whole scenario out on Second Life first – does your second mom get mad?
If she does, don’t worry – you CAN’T be pregnant because the questions in Seventeen magazine are all made up by 45 year old women with twins and a set of shriveled ovaries.
Dear Anonymoose,
Let’s face it, if you’ve written Seventeen magazine asking for advice on pregnancy, you’re too late. By the time they reply you’ll be on your third kid. So the only sound advice you can use now is that you NEVER calm a crying baby by shaking it. Also, check out http://www.thehopeprogram.org/, they’ve got a great site on welfare services.
I like this one! I doubt Seventeen has a rapid return on strangers so called life questions.
With words. Preferably in the language your mother speaks.
Wait until Mothers’ Day. Buy a card that says something along the lines of, “Happy Mothers’ Day, Grandma!” and slip in a copy of your sonogram.
Tell her that you’re sorry, but her present won’t be ready for a few months.
(Alternatively, this also works as a fun joke to play on your mother if you’re not actually pregnant. My mom thought it was hilarious…eventually.)
Walk in to the kitchen one day, hand your mom the receipt for your abortion, and say,”Hey mom, I just killed your first grandson, but I saved you a lot of money in the process.”
Then set the table for dinner as if nothing had happened.
Q. What is the best way to tell my mother I’m Pregnant?
A. The good news is you don’t have to tell your mother. There are many alternative options available. You can go up there with a coat hanger and a vacuum, have a friend or boyfriend push you down the stairs, pretend like your getting fat then throwing the infant in the dumpster, or just drop it off at a baby safe haven. So in closing today’s world makes it so you never have to tell your mother.
Two words
Scavenger hunt
“But Mom, you did it when you were my age!”
or
“Mom, if you had just had an abortion none of this would have happened. It’s your fault, not mine.”
These are hilarious!! I laughed the whole time while I was reading some of these! From the questions it looks as the sex ed should be improved in our school systems however !!
I know the contest is closed – but…
Dear confused pregnant teenager,
Unless your mother is the crazy, psychotic non-understanding type, she will definitely understand this one.You could tell her-
Mommy, i have something important to tell you. Danny and I were studying in the bedroom. We were setting up our apparatus for the Biology experiment. I was noticing that his apparatus kept growing huge and mine kept leaking. Suddenly, i tripped and fell coz the floor was now very wet. I hit Danny, who fell on top of me. Our apparatus got tangled on to each other. Every time i tried to get up, Danny pushed me down. He looked like he was in a lot of pain so i let him stay there for a while. Mom, you should have seen the expression on his face. After a few minuets, though it seemed shorter than that to me, his howled – like a dog does to the moon, only the dog sounds better – and collapsed on me. I think he got tired of trying to extricate himself. Funnily, his apparatus grew really small and it slid out.
You were parking the car by then , i did not think it was important to bother you with that. Plus Danny said it happens a lot during biology studies.
Dear anon.. this is what I would say…fast an easy~
“Mom” I seem to be getting fatter, why is that?
mom- ” don’t tell me your fucking pregnant?!”