Wait so how did you find my page? The best collection of search terms
Occasionally I like to look at my stats program for my blog and examine the search terms that people used in google to find my site. Here are some of my favorites from the yesterday:
im sick and have hiv- I come up as the fourth result in google for this term, I don’t know how I feel about that. It was from this blog where I bitch about people that complain they are sick. Of course now I have some person that contracted HIV, all depressed, not sure if they should continue living and finding my page…. Outstanding.
cum on stomach- 9 links to gay porn and then my page, what does that tell you? That I am the one straight male that has talked about cum on a stomach, I knew I was a trailblazer.
I wish I was black- I hope I gave them the answers they were looking for and their wish was granted.
Hispanic midget- I am the number one search term in google for Hispanic midget. So according to google when people want to know about Hispanic midgets I am the number one source for information. I feel like I need to do a whole series now on Hispanic midgets so I can earn this lofty honor. Of course the series would just be limited to the dude from Fantasy Island.
(Actually he was born in France and is Phillipino but whatever.)
Buzz lightyear porn- I don’t know what is more frightening, that someone was googling buzz lightyear porn or that I had a post that had enough keywords to make this a match, “to your clitoris and beyond!!!”
Dolph Lundgren penis pictures- I have to say this search term or Dolp Lundgren naked are two of the most popular terms that people use to find my site. I checked where I ranked for this term and found what might possibly be the gayest scene out of any action movie ever.
Cost hooker Las Vegas- I am the number one source of information for craigs list hookers. My number one favorite target to make fun of has ironically led to me being the ultimate source of information according to google.
Cucumber+ cunts- uh…. No comment
Girls reaction to small dick- It goes to my post about Scott Baio, really it does.
Do fat girls get catcalls- My second favorite search term of yesterday, I am just picturing some overweight girl sitting in front of a computer screen who just saw a hot girl sexually harassed while walking by a construction site. Secretly she is yearning for the same fate and googles this to see if there is a fat girl message board that talks about them getting cat calls. God speed fat girl… god speed.
‘I stuck my dick in a pack of skittles’ - By far my favorite search term used to find my page ever, the most amazing thing is that two people used it as a search term. Now I must go acquire a pack and try it for myself.
What is the oddest thing you have ever searched for on google? Or what was the oddest result you ever had?
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On 04/15/08 at 7:47 am
Meghan Lawrence said:
This makes total sense to me. I used to try and tell people about something you wrote and not remember the site, or your name and I’d ramble something like
‘It was funny! Something about hair on the back of his balls, booze and Liza Minnelli, I don’t know - GOOGLE it!’.
Cut to ‘Liza Minnelli Puts Hair on Your Balls’ - Pointless Banter.
On 04/15/08 at 11:46 am
Kevin said:
it all comes together… some how
On 04/15/08 at 7:50 am
Meghan Lawrence said:
And I once googled “Google, Shmoogle” and got the site ’shmoogle.org’ - where all search results are equal.
On 04/15/08 at 9:53 am
Deb said:
omg… so funny.
On 04/15/08 at 9:53 am
spostareduro said:
Just had to do it. *-)
http://yicrosoftdirectorygirl.com/kevins-pointless-banter-gotta-love-a-whack-job/
On 04/15/08 at 11:46 am
Kevin said:
Thank you so very much
On 04/15/08 at 10:42 am
Mr. Ilarijs said:
Haha
On 04/15/08 at 11:01 am
kate said:
i found you on myspace in the top blog section. the first blog of yours that i read was a news article about 2 guys digging up gr.aves and doing the nasty with the copse. that blog still makes me shiver
On 04/15/08 at 11:46 am
Kevin said:
Maybe myspace was good after all
On 04/15/08 at 11:06 am
Marcie said:
ive been bored enough…i have googled plenty of weird shit…
On 04/15/08 at 11:45 am
Kevin said:
It happens
On 04/15/08 at 11:29 am
Jason - GorillaSushi said:
I used to rank pretty high for the term “explosive diarrhea”.
On 04/15/08 at 11:44 am
Kevin said:
That.is.awesome. I would trade for that over “scott baio small penis” any day.
On 04/15/08 at 11:41 am
tiffany p. said:
i just googled:
“mandarin orange cups”+”toilet”
and you were number ONE, bra’.
congrats.
On 04/15/08 at 11:44 am
Kevin said:
I am so accomplished.
On 04/15/08 at 1:53 pm
LOTNorm said:
Dude, Reese’s Pieces are so better for candy fucking. With Skittles you can’t tell whether the sticky came from you or them.
On 04/15/08 at 3:16 pm
Kevin said:
When you are right you are right…
On 04/15/08 at 3:29 pm
Korenski said:
There is an crazy woman at my office, she always says “put it on my spedoolie” when someone needs something and every time I hear it, I want to barf because she says it in a high pitched tone. WHAT IS A SPEDOOLIE?? The only search results were…”Myspace.com Julie Spedoolie-23-Hastings-Nebraska” which is even more annoying.
oh and i found you on myspace!
On 04/23/08 at 6:53 pm
Daniel said:
maybe she means spindle as in the old office thing where a giant needle like spike sticks up from a metal or wood base and one would put the piece of paper down over the spike so the wind didn’t blow it away. I’m just guessing….
On 04/15/08 at 9:25 pm
Amanda S. said:
I found you on myspace under humor/funny…you still are.
On 04/20/08 at 7:04 pm
Selly said:
You are now #2 for im sick and have hiv.