If I Ran For Office I Would Totally Lie My Ass Off
I am under no illusion that to get far in politics or business you have to do some dirt. For some reason I have friends that think that our leaders need to be infallible, which honestly I believe is impossible. These people don’t get where they are by not telling a few lies, rearranging the facts, or screwing over some people.
That is why I enjoy watching Hillary Clinton so much. At this point in her campaign I can’t tell what she is lying about and what is the truth, and I LOVE IT. Honestly if I was running for President I would just lie about everything. In fact I want to give Hillary two tips right out of my election handbook.
1) Don’t lie less, lie more- You think newspaper reporters are that motivated to track down every story you bullshit about? Hell no. Plus with the declining staffs of major newspapers you have them by the balls. The only thing you should be honest about at this point is your name.
Reporter: What did you have for breakfast today?
Hillary: The heart of John McCain’s first wife, you know the one that was disfigured in a car accident and he left for a younger, richer chick? She said I could derive super powers from it and defeat her ex-husband.
Reporter: Um, I was there… you had an English muffin.
Hillary: I teleported.
How do you argue against that? The newspaper reporter now needs to go out and disprove that she can teleport. That could take months of research.
2) Don’t try and give excuses for your lies- There is noting worse than trying to give excuses for your lies. Saying that you were tired, that you misspoke, or something lame like that is no good. Instead just cover it up with another lie or better yet turn it around on the reporter. If all else fails just combine the two.
Reporter: So when you got off the plane in Bosnia there was no sniper fire, how do you account for your story?
Hillary: Were you there?
Reporter: Than how do you know? You are just trying to make stuff up, next!
Reporter 2: Please answer the question…
Hillary: Were you there?
Reporter 2: Actually yes I was.
Hillary: You were drunk.
Reporter 2: No I was not and how would you explain the videotape?
Hillary: You want to talk about videotapes, what about this one with you urinating on an underage Chelsea before having sex with her?
Reporter 2: I did no such thing.
Hillary: Play the tape…
(An aide comes and puts the tape in a VCR hit play then stands there covering the face of R, Kelly with a cut out face of the reporter.)
Hillary: Undeniable proof… next.
At this point do you think there is anything as an honest politician?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
Are you telling me Hillary was not shot at by a sniper in Bosnia? That she did not help bring peace on Northern Ireland? pispah. Next you will tell me part of the job of interns is to blow the Prez.
Yes it was…were you there?
Most excellent! – I spit coffee today reading this.
Honest politicians come from the same place as the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy!!
OMG? What was R. Kelly doing with Chelsea?
ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK!!!!!!! this was a great blog! politics would be so much more fun to follow if they could just lie about everything!!!!
Please Families that subscribes to Confederate Christian Values can not tell a lie !
James Carville ( The Snake) is helping Hillary and Wee Willy ! He has had a career based on honesty and well written bull shit ! We really should also get information from the Oldest Ice Head Alive Rush Limbaugh , and Bushes Friends at Patrick Henry University ! I enjoy your posts we should all be busting the politicians apple and oranges ! The sad part about the whole mess is these bastards are holding !
The Bushes
The Clinton’s
The Cheneys
The Putin’s
The Holly Wood Press Core !
I am 72 years old have been slinging Bullshit my whole life ! It works I am still Alive and well
I love the Chelsea thing…..that would totally rock…
in latin poili means something like liar…and what is a tic (tick) again?
too bad these politicians cant play the game.
Against McCain, Id bring up his age and the fact that hes never won a nomination. This isnt the Oscars, you dont get a lifetime acheivement award. I would then proceed to joke on him about his 5 year plan “not to die”.
Against Obama, Id call him out. Hes like Tom Cruise from Risky Business and the nomination is Rebecca DeMornay. He thinks hes doing all the right things. Im just waiting on Guido the Killer pimp to show up.
Hillary is a woman. Id attack that all day long.
So good, I had to read it twice.
That picture of Hilary scares the tar out of me…I have to hide.
I’m pretty sure all politicians lie every time they open their mouths. Great post btw. Too funny!
“Honest politician”? I’ve heard that punchline before…can’t quite remember how the joke went, though I do remember that it was just as funny as Chelsea being peed on.
Jesus, you are sure relentless. I thought you must have repented from your humor but eh.. you are still becoming the best of the best. I love you blog so much that am about to faint and talking about Hillary lying, well those are just some of the most spicy advice you can dish to her. One thing though, we’ve got to make her come read your blog, that way she can really lie more.
Cheers
Doris
I can’t stop laughing. Best post ever!