Asian Rage is All the Rage
I was going through my usual morning ritual of sacrificing kittens before checking the latest score for the Buffalo Sabres when I saw a story about a girl that was attacked by a Hawk while visiting Fenway Park. In the story they made it clear that the girl’s name was Alexa Rodriguez, which makes the story at least 96% funnier. I can’t wait for approximately 7,000 jokes I will hear on Boston radio this weekend referencing Yankee Third Baseman Alex Rodriguez. Really this won’t be beaten into the ground at all. (Where is that sarcasm font when I need it?)
The other story I noticed was one about police stopping another potential Virginia Tech style shootings in Miami, now I don’t want to make light of what happened at VaTech but what the hell is the deal with Asian rage?
Wong had a weapons cache including 4 AK-47’s (thanks internet for making assault weapons super easy to get), military style feeding clips, and armor piercing bullets. He allegedly threatened to recreate the VaTech shootings on an internet message board. Of course when he was arrested he said he was just making a threat and was buying the guns because they were a good investment. Check out this quote by Homestead police Detective Antonio Aquino:
“He says it’s a lucrative business,” Aquino said. “He said if Hillary Clinton wins, she’ll put a ban on assault rifles, and these assault rifles will be worth more in value.”
Screw property, stocks, or futures a military grade weapon is where it is at, I can’t wait for Suzie Orman to tackle that subject this week.
Caller: Suzie I would really like to take my family to Disney World, can I afford it?
Suzie: How many rocket launchers do you currently own?
I’m not going to go on a gun control rant here, I’m all for people having the right to bare arms but AK-47’s and armor piercing bullets are a tad too much. It is like someone with a large porn collection and they start dipping into snuff films, it is crossing the collector’s line. (That is an awesome analogy; I don’t care what anyone says.)
Back to the Asian issue, what is the deal with all this Asian rage, where is it coming from?
1) This follows along with my Asian small penis theory aka How to Defeat China- No need to go into that when you can just read it here.
2) The gadget gap has been closed- When I went to high school in California all my Asian friends had the coolest gadgets. They had the best video game systems, hand held cd players, and were like the first kids I knew to get cell phones. Now that is all commonplace, every American can now have as many personal electronics as a 14 year old Asian kid. They lost their niche, I would be pissed too, now they are just another kid in school.
3) Their inability to grow facial hair- Look at that caterpillar that died on his face, that was the same sort of facial hair I had coming out of the womb. (Hey I am half Italian we are hairy.) When you think about it the only Asian men I ever see with facial hair are old guys.
That is because they haven’t shaved since they were 12. Not being able to grow facial hair makes a guy feel less manly, the only way to compensate for that is by buying weapons.
Now you have to excuse me I need to go buy some anti-aircraft missiles to help with my retirement fund.
What is the deal with Asian rage? Is weapons grade plutonium in your investment portfolio or is that only used for time travel?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
I’m going with your small penis theory. Our Big American Penises are so calm and lack violent impulses.
I know we are a peaceful people… wait a second
Pominville better pull through, I can’t stand the B’s. There, I said it.
it doesn’t matter the game no longer has meaning for the sabres… sniffle
Another year = no Stanley Cup for the Sabres. My daughter is bummed because there are no more Sabres games after Saturday. She is three and already addicted to hockey. I can’t wait to see what the Boston media does over the hawk incident, if anything the red sox nation website probably already has something posted there.
I have tickets for this saturday, I am depressed there is no meaning for the game
They could completely hose Boston if Ottawa beats up on them tonight. Maybe the Caps can sneak in and Alexander O can do some damage in the playoffs.
a small penis is not a bad thing. or so i have heard.
I’ve read that somewhere
Damn, I think I’m Asian!!
And he was reported to have 5000 rounds of amunition. If that isn’t overcompensating, well I don’t know what is.
And the Asian micro-penis argument (it isn’t a theory, it’s a fact) reminds me of the quote “Bigger isn’t always better but it is usually more exciting”.
And I quote South Park:
Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik’s penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.
I had no idea the inability to grow facial hair was a sign that you’re Asian.
I have a distinct break in facial hair where there are supposed to be sideburns. I can’t grow sideburns. Instead, it looks like I shaved a two-inch patch of hair between my beard and my hair.
Chicks dig it.
Not really.
On another note, realizing that I may, in fact, now be 20% Asian…I’m fairly petrified because I don’t like fish.
Am I still eligible for Asian status if I don’t like fish? Will they kick me out of the club?
Sorry…
I meant “crub.”
small penis theory - I bet the Asians didn’t see that one coming. Get it, see that one coming.
http://roadtoimmortality.wordpress.com/
I won’t argue the Asian penis thing, but I do think it’s important to note that Asian vaginas also tend to be smaller than… well, the “big American” vaginas.
OK tried to Digg this too, not sure if it worked or not.
Make sure the Sabres knock the Bruins out on Saturday. Every time I actually go to a hockey game at the Garden the Bruins lose, so I wish I could be there.
yay for asians!
Interesting post, I thought your analogy with porn and snuff films was particularly pertinent. I agree there is definitely a line which should not be crossed, irrespective of the demand for the right to bear arms. The investment excuse was a good one though, the possibilities for satire are endless
wtf i have no comment for this.
Anyone who sacrificing kittens can’t be all bad.
You have a way of saying things, without being offensive. Though the truth does hurt!
Hilarious!
Feh, we already have snuff porn mainstreamed, it’s parading around in sub-basement B horror. What some dipshit calls art-core porn like Lord of the G-Strings. Only the snuff end is like Blair Witch vol 1. Admit it, the original Blair Witch was just a piss-poor vid made by guys who wanted to do snuff films. Looks like they’ll get the chance with their newest POS Solstice.
stop being racists…
okay so an asian did the VT shootings.
have you forgot about all the other CAUCASIANS that did other mass murders? columbine, UT clocktower, unabomber, etc.
it’s in their screwed up minds, not their race.