My First Official Post for b5media
Back in January I announced that I had signed with b5media.com and that pointlessbanter.net would be on their blog network. Today is my first official post for them. (No this isn’t some lame ass April Fool’s Day joke, that was yesterday.) So at this point I am getting paid big money to write this crap you read everyday.
Now back when I announced this deal I received a few e-mails saying that this was selling out, that I would become a corporate stooge, and that they feared I would have to clean up my act. Some people were also confused and wanted to know what all this means, so I felt like I should take the time and clear some stuff up.
-Not only can I still make dead hooker jokes- Now since I get paid for this I probably can wrangle up budget money to actually kill one myself! Plus I have corporate lawyers backing me!
-Press Credentials- Yup that is right, I can get press credentials. I think you hear me knocking AVN Adult Movie Awards and I think I’m coming in … wait in this case would it be cumming in? Eh, whatever…. You get the idea.
(photo from vegaspopular.com)
Think of the possibilities.
Press Agent: Ms Fanning this is Kevin from b5media.com, he is here to talk to you about your new movie.
(I stand up and try to twist Fanning’s head off.)
Kevin: I am going to prove you are a robot once and for all.
Fanning: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
-A higher profile- This is the third largest blogging network in the world, it has to account for something. Can you imagine the tail I can pull from this?
(I mosey on over to a hot girl in a club.)
Kevin: Normally I would come up to you and toss out some lame pick up line but why bother, I know you are going to go home with me and dance erotically for me to the entire “Janet” CD by Janet Jackson.
(photo from: amazon.com)
Hot Girl: Um, are you kidding me?
Kevin: I write for the third largest blogging company in the world.
Hot Girl: I’ll blow you out in the car.
Kevin: Classy, I like that.
Finally the best part about all of this is that it is a Canadian company, so I can get cheap Canadian drugs shipped to me. I can’t wait to throw my first Viagra/Lithium party this year. And yes you are all invited.
Should my Viagra/Lithium party be themed?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
Read the latest from Bobby Finstock
Read the latest from Donkeysosa
On 04/2/08 at 7:18 am
Meghan said:
Everyone should come as their favorite Urban Reference/Form of Sexual Innuendo. A few Years ago a guy showed up at my party dressed ‘like’ a boat with the word Cleveland Written across his chest.
On 04/2/08 at 7:25 am
Kevin said:
oh that is a good call….
How the hell do I have John McCain ads running on a blog where I wrote about viagra, the adult movie awards, and ripping Dakota Fanning’s head off.
On 04/2/08 at 7:30 am
Meghan said:
McCain is a sexual deviate - one time he thought his mic was turned off and he said he wanted to pop some Viagara after the AVN Awards and Skull Fuck Dakota Fanning. I see no disconnect.
On 04/2/08 at 7:24 am
Marjorie said:
miley cyrus decorations at the party would be perfect.
On 04/2/08 at 7:25 am
Kevin said:
wait I am inviting 12 year olds?
On 04/2/08 at 7:27 am
Marjorie said:
where else are you gonna get the cheap party plates and banners? and free gifts
On 04/2/08 at 7:29 am
Kevin said:
good point
On 04/2/08 at 2:52 pm
Karl Rove said:
What about that 8 year old from Youtube? That would be an incentive for him to show up.
On 04/2/08 at 7:29 am
Dr.B said:
Obiously this a clothing optional party, what other theme would you need?
On 04/2/08 at 7:35 am
Kevin said:
finger foods
On 04/2/08 at 7:33 am
kate said:
i was distracted for a minute by the ‘domino’s killed her puppy in 30 minutes or less’ title. i had to pick myself from off the floor. damn my sides hurt from laughing.
how about a toga party? that way us chicks can see if the viagra took effect. damn my dirty little mind….
On 04/2/08 at 7:36 am
Kevin said:
you so crazy
On 04/2/08 at 7:37 am
Kevin said:
test
On 04/2/08 at 7:39 am
Dr.B said:
-icle
On 04/2/08 at 7:40 am
Kevin said:
speaking of those I should go shower and test them
On 04/2/08 at 7:58 am
matty said:
If you go with the Miley Cyrus theme, you might as well throw out the High School Musical barrage of shit as well. At least you’ll get some barely legal action there.
You can call me Wooderson.
I get older…they stay the same age.
Yes they do.
On 04/2/08 at 9:12 am
Kevin said:
As long as I can nail Ashley Tinsdale
On 04/2/08 at 4:12 pm
Matty said:
She got her beaked fixed, didn’t she? Then I concur, good sir.
On 04/2/08 at 9:05 am
chris said:
First time listener, long time caller…or er, whatever. Anyway, congrats on the B5 gig, no wonder my feed reader had all B5 feeds for your site yesterday.
I think any drug party should at least involve the Olsen Twins, a midget, and Gary Busey, you can come up with the theme
On 04/2/08 at 9:12 am
Kevin said:
Well thanks for commenting… man my feed was screwed up… that is no good.
Do I need a theme if those three people are involved?
On 04/2/08 at 10:09 am
em em said:
Somehow a Nascar theme would seem appropriate with Viagra and Lithium. Not sure why, just seems fitting to me.
On 04/2/08 at 11:17 am
David said:
How about a dual-theme party. Like, I don’t know, the “The Cleveland Steamer/Rusty Trombone Party with pudding cups and mayonnaise sandwiches.” I’m sure b5 would like to sponsor that one.
On 04/2/08 at 12:59 pm
Mark Jabo said:
You’re timing’s perfect… a Viagra/Lithium theme party is perfect for tax season.
Welcome to the b5 sandbox, Kevin.
On 04/2/08 at 4:18 pm
-Dallas- said:
Congrats Kevin! Can I be your date to the next AVN Awards? If not the AVN how about next years AEE? CALL ME! …please?
-Dallas-
On 04/2/08 at 8:36 pm
Phil said:
You’ve gotta get me in the AVN awards, I could be your date (I could disguise myself as Molly Ringward).
It’d be so sweet
On 04/2/08 at 8:55 pm
em said:
i came here after trying to find a blog by a writer who goes by the pen-name “Trance Jen”. do you happen to know what happened to her blog? It says the server couldn’t be found, when I’m bounced over to her blog from trancejen.diaryland.com.
On 04/3/08 at 6:08 am
Kevin said:
she is hosted on a subdomain of mine I am trying to figure out the errors
On 04/4/08 at 1:03 am
em said:
thanks for letting me know! good luck figuring out the errors.
On 04/4/08 at 11:39 pm
Vanessa said:
Man, I also write a blog for a major metropolitan newspaper and all I getting is shitty comments. So, this kind of makes you my hero, which is fucked up.
On 04/5/08 at 6:50 pm
Marc said:
b5media has a lot of cool dudes there, u are gonna be a great addition to the family