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What if I had an addiction, how would it go down?

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/31/08 @ 8:42 pm

(Sorry if you are getting this post again, I moved setups and encountered an error losing all the comments to this post.)

I was thinking the other day about people that have eating disorders and how it must suck if they didn’t end up being really thin. Personally I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right, well except spelling and grammar. Would there be anything worse than throwing up after every meal and still being severely overweight?

If I had an eating disorder and wasn’t really thin I would be super pissed. I would probably go jogging with like thirty garbage bags on me when it is 95 degrees out or something like that. So this got me thinking if I had other addictions, disorders, or other issues how I would want things to go down.

leaving las vegas

Alcoholism- If I was going to be a hardcore lush (noticed I said hardcore because I think I was a regular one for awhile), I would have to be like Nick Cage in “Leaving Las Vegas”. It looks like he had fun drinking himself to death and hooking up with a hooker for the entire month, so much better than like Mickey Rourke in well… anything.

Drug Addict- See this is a little dicey because I don’t want to blow a guy for crack money, that isn’t the way I would see things going down. Also I don’t want to hustle like Bubbles on “The Wire”, you know like stealing metal to sell as scrap or stuff like that. So the only thing left would be the out of control stripper that stays up for like four days on end doing drugs and dancing in one giant cycle. Eventually I would have to hit rock bottom and sell a relatives’ television or something.

hello kitty

Cutter- I think I would have to have a Hello Kitty lunchbox to keep my shit in. I don’t know why but is just sounds appropriate.

Kleptomaniac- Basically I would want to cross-dress as a pregnant lady and smuggle random items into my stomach like on the “Been Caught Stealing” video by Jane’s Addiction. Also if I was going to nab stuff I would make sure to always grab Oreo Double Stuff cookies, I don’t know if there would be anything more rewarding than sitting down at the end of the day after stealing a ton of shit and having some double stuff action.

Ok I am off to buy some stripper heels, ten bottles of vodka, a hello kitty lunchbox, and some maternity clothing.

If you had a severe addiction or mental health problem how would you want it to go down?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

2 Responses to “What if I had an addiction, how would it go down?”

  1. Kevin says:


  2. Sophie says:

    I’d like paranoia schizophrenia so I could stab people through their ears and blame my alter-ego.

    Don’t worry, I’m talking about horrible people.

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