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Mar
27

I Hate Hearing Lottery Stories

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/27/08 @ 6:44 am

You would think a really heart warming and feel good story is a lottery story, where some person randomly won enough money to set them up for the rest of their lives. However that is one story type that makes me cringe. Personally next to engagement stories a lottery story is the worst story you can hear. First of all I freely admit I would be a total prick if I won the lottery, which is probably why I never will. (Ignoring the massive mathematical odds against me and the fact that I never purchase any tickets, my karma is really what is holding me back.)

Like this story that was on Good Morning America about a Welsh winner of the lottery that promptly returned to work at McDonald’s because he was bored. He said there was only so much relaxing one person could do and wanted to return to work with his friends. In the story they talk about a group of lunch ladies that won over 90 million dollars in a power ball lottery and most returned to work.

Now I get that you would get bored, I couldn’t just sit at home and do nothing everyday just because I didn’t have to work. But why would you return to your old regular job. Wouldn’t you maybe purchase a McDonald’s? Or maybe open up a bar or something? I covered the five things I would buy if I became disgustingly rich before and I still stand by that list.

So what am I getting at? I want to hear this interview just once in my life when someone wins the lottery.

(at a crazy lavish party with John a young lottery winner)

ABC News: So John you just won thirty million dollars what are you going to do with all that money?

John: Well I got it all up front and I am you know just having fun with it. I really can’t say much more than that.

ABC News: You have been lavishly spending your money ever since you won, an exhibition game against the New York Knicks, multiple massive parties, heck… you even have rented out the most expensive hotel in New York and are remodeling it. Why are you spending your money so freely?

John: (giggling) I can’t really say, you know… I just like to have fun.

ABC News: One might say you are needlessly recreating the movie Brewster’s Millions for the heck of it.

John: What is Brewster’s Millions?

ABC News: It is a movie where a man gets thirty million dollars and has to spend it in a month in order to receive an even larger amount of money.

John: (turns to his friend) Wait, that was a movie? So I am not really going to turn this into $300 million by spending it all in a month? You told me that this was a typical thing for millionaires? I have like $1,500 left… You son of a …

(camera cuts out as John kills his friend)

Now that is a lottery story I want to hear.

Where do you stand on lottery stories?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

23 Responses to “I Hate Hearing Lottery Stories”

  1. Dr.B says:

    Fist!!

  2. Isha says:

    Lottery Stories piss me off too, cause people most of the time do the dumbest shit with their money. Let me win 20 million…..hmmmm

  3. Dr.B says:

    It seems like you only hear the bad shit that happens to people that win the lottery, like how they end up in more debt in a few years and their family has split up! That wouldn’t happen to me , I’m already way over my head in debt and my marriage is already going down the drain! Bring on Da Money!!

  4. Matty says:

    I’ll never win the lottery because I have all of my teeth and an functional parietal lobe, which is what 98.1% of all Lottery winners seem to lack.

  5. I guess I’m sort of lame; the only lottery fantasy I have is driving up to the place my mother works in a limo with a couple dozen roses, telling her in the middle of the restaurant that its her last day, and informing her selfish dickhead boss that he can shove it up his ass. Been savoring that one for about 10 years.

    I guess I’d pay my student loans and buy a car that’s less than 10 years old also.

  6. conundrum says:

    I hate those fools that say “I’m not changing my life, I’ll be at work monday morning like always”.
    WHY buy the f**king ticket in the first place if you don’t want to change your life?

    I would stay busy but traveling, fun stuff, volunteering with charities I like, yadda, yadda.

  7. Daniel says:

    Why did this DrB person post “Fist”?

    I don’t get it. Is that shaking his fist in the air at the idiots who waste the money?

    • Kevin says:

      It goes back to when I blogged on MySpace, when I posted people would race to be the first commenter and would post “first”. I wasn’t a big fan of first and it ended up getting changed to “fists” due to the numerous fisting jokes I have made over the years.

  8. bishop says:

    i would like to hear some say that they were going to buy disney world instead of go to and i purpose if u win the lottery and go back to your old crappy job u should have to give back the lottery money

  9. Jeremy says:

    I would carry the giant fake cheque around in my backpack. Anytime anyone gave me any lip I’d whip it out. “I’m rich asshole, suck it” That would end all my unpleasant encounters. And I sure wouldn’t work at McDonalds or anything, I’d volunteer there just to tell stupid assholes that they will not be served unless they learn to be polite. And I’d just start being a policeman for lineups. Go into restaurants and tell people with screaming children to leave and stop ruining everyone else’s meal.
    It would be awesome. They would all face my wrath and oversized cheque.

  10. Tori says:

    My fantasy is to win like, $50,000 because I could pay off all my debts and have a little leftover. I would be the worst Deal or No Deal contestant ever because they’d be like “The first offer is $68,000″ and I’d be like “DEAL!!! DEAL!!! WOOOOO”

    Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t turn down a whole shitload of money, but I don’t mind working.

  11. Marcie says:

    I cant say I wouldnt return to work…But..

    Id make sure it wasnt my same job…id probably open my own company and take my “friends” from work with me.

    I wouldnt want to make more in interest then my crappy paycheck from a mc donalds…thats just obsurd..

    I HATE WHEN 90 YEAR OLDS WIN THE LOTTERY…like they arent gonna die with it all anyways..

    Id love to see a poor family of 5 win…(if not myself)

  12. Meghan says:

    I have a theory that they pay off some ignorant asshole or old lady a meager sum to SAY they won $100 million – keeps the suckers comin’.

  13. Claire says:

    Thanks for clearing up the fist thing, I was wondering about Dr.B’s fist. Well not wondering about the actual fist, just the comment.

    I don’t buy lottery tickets, so I don’t want to hear about the stories of idiots pissing the money away.

  14. Melissa says:

    The only thing worse than lottery stories is having to write them. I’m thankful I no longer work as a reporter. Every single winner had the same crappy thing to say, “You can’t win if you don’t play,” and “I’ve played for life.” It always made me wonder if those folks managed tor ecoup their lifelong losses from buying scratch-and-win tickets on top of all the other side gambling like bingo.

    Call me a sadist but I look forward to the ones where the Big Winners lose it all in under five years time. A fool and his money really are destined to be parted.

  15. PJ says:

    4-22-38-24-36-∞

    Those are the winning numbers right there. If I won, I’d have (4)-girls, who are (22)-years old, and have the measurements of (38)-(24)-(36), for (∞)-nights.

  16. trisha says:

    Lottery stories suck. I watched a horrid E! investigative special on lottery winners. Besides the fact that I have no idea why I sat through it (there must have been no paint drying in my place to watch) it told these sordid tales of people who blew through their money quickly and ended up bankrupt.

    Now I now a lot of people must be idiots, but wouldn’t you think SOMEONE would have told them to get some financial advice to make it stretch maybe 5 years or so?

    I always dream one day I’ll win the lottery, quit my mundane job, buy a house for my mom, party like a rockstar and have a humongous designer wardrobe in my big ass closet, but I never play.

    • hgfhfh says:

      I would open my own mountain bike shop.
      I’m not materialist .I’m not a flashy person.Like those weathly guy .I’m low-profile.It’s how i am.

      Me vs the media.

      Reporter- What you want to do now?
      Me : Buy a cheeseburger , i’m hungry.

      I would not be another retard used by the lottery to make ppl daydream .Winner Story it’s a big publicity for them.They want to show that everyone can win.Yet 99.999999999999% won’t EVER win any jackpot.

      Hell the biggest sum i ever won was 3 $ and a free ticket.Last week for the hell of it i spent 25$ worth of ticket.I won nothing.Niente.
      They claim 55% go back to the winner.It’s false.54.5% go to the jackpot winner.That a big difference.So 99.5% go to 1 person and not to EVERYONE.

      If they sell 50 milions worth of ticket.The jackpot winner win 24 Millions and 2 win 450,000 Bucks.The 300.00 buck left is separated between 20,000 winer.Which mean 49 millions 800 000 haven’t won shit.

      They use little trick .It’s work . You only have to hear the player.
      Even if you purchase 2 ticket.Your chance aren’t twice.Because your chance suck that much . 1 chance / 195 000 000 vs 2 / 195 000 000 lol.

      You have 10000 time more chance to be struck by the lightning when there’s no cloud i nthe sky and you’re inside your house.

      LOLOL

  17. Mad Max says:

    i think i would buy every single horse in the kentucky derby and give them really dirty names so that that snooty british announcer would have to announce a whole race of dirty, dirty horse names.

    http://roadtoimmortality.wordpress.com/

  18. [...] – Lottery winners aren’t so lucky over at Pointless Banter. [...]

  19. Jim Moses says:

    People who win the lottery and say they would go back to work are one of 2 things….. 1.) Full of shit. 2.) Fucking stupid

  20. zsazsa Wade says:

    well personally i enjoy hearing the stories,dause they give me hoope that one day i too will b a winner.for the last three years i have had a nagging premonition that i am going to be a winner.So in the meantime i just play and patiently wait to claim my millions.good luck to me and all the other players.

  21. JACQUELINE says:

    I LIVE IN BRONX, NEW YORK WHERE SOMEONE WON HALF OF 333 MILLION. THE NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE THE TICKET WAS PURCHASED IS VERY LOW INCOME AREA. ALTHOUGH I’M HOPING A HARDWORKING PERSON WON; THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAN LASHAWN DECIDED TO GO TO THE STORE AFTER WATCHING JERRY SPRINGER WENT TO THE HER NEIGHBORHOOD STORE AND BOUGHT HER FIVE CHILDREN BLUE JUICE (ONLY FOUND IN LOW INCOME NEIGHBORHOODS) WITH HER BENEFITS CARD WITH HER PICTURE ON IT (WELFARE RECEIPENT) SHE HAD THE BODEGA OWNER GIVE HER CASH BACK LIKE SH EWAS USING A DEBIT CARD AN BIUGHT THE WINNING TICKET. IF SHE SIGNS IT AND GOES DOWN TO THE LOTTERY HEADQUARTERS; THEY’D RUN HE RTHROUGH THE SYSTEMS TO DISCOVER THAT SHE’S BEEN ON “THE SYSTEM” HER ENTIRE LIFE AND SHE DOESN’T GET A DIME. SINCE SHE’S NEVER WORKED SHE SHOULDN’T GET A DAMN THING

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