I Have to Admit I Don’t Like Courtney Cox
I was watching The Riches last night on FX and there was a preview for this week’s Dirt on it. My skin started to break out in hives and I began to hyperventilate because I had to look at Courtney Cox. There isn’t an actor or actress alive that I dislike more, well except maybe Wilmer Valderrama but that is because he defiles every young starlet in Hollywood.
Now people that are fans of Friends always get a little defensive when I express my dislike of her. So let me lay out my case.
1) Friends was one of the most overrated shows in the history of television- The show was only really funny when Chandler and Joey were heavily involved. Plus it didn’t gain traction until it was forced upon Seinfeld fans. After Seinfeld went off the air Friends relied on a ridiculous amount of “stunt casting” to remain important, every new minor character introduced was a star or a fading star from Tom Selleck to Reese Witherspoon. The only show worse at doing that was Will and Grace. Nothing smacks of desperation like stunt casting or my friend Aaron asking us to go to a strip club and saying he would pay for our lap dances because he was so lonely.
Before you get all defensive Friends fans put the best ten episodes of Friends up against the best ten episodes of Seinfeld, Cheers, Curb Your Enthusiasm, All in the Family, The Simpsons, South Park, or the Cosby Show and it just doesn’t hold up.
2) Like I said Friends was overrated and Monica was the most annoying character on the show- Monica embodied everything I wouldn’t want in a woman: bossy, neurotic, anal, annoying, uptight, bitchy, whiney, and just the fact that her voice is grating. Because I don’t have the mental capacity to separate people from their TV character I imagine that she is somewhat like that in real life.
Just like I think Leo DiCaprio is mentally disabled from his role in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, that isn’t exactly a bad thing. When he does well in a movie I sit there and think, “Not bad for a retarded kid.”
And speaking of the retarded…
3) She married David Arquette- Every time I see him interviewed I just sit there and think how stupid he is. For some reason I get the impression that he is a guy that touchs things with his hand and then licks his hand to see what that thing taste likes.
“Court this door handle tastes icky.”
“Honey, you aren’t supposed to lick your hand after touching a door handle.”
I have a feeling that conversation happens once a week in their home.
4) Her career choices have sucked- She has 47 credits on IMDB.com and out of those 47, only five of those are worth watching. Basically every one out of ten things she is in is worth watching, that is a lower percentage than Sinbad.
5) There is something really plastic about her-
Here she is in the Bruce Springsteen Video “Dancing in the Dark”
Here she is now…
She just looks plastic. There is something not natural about her face, maybe it is the sucked out cheeks from years of puking up everything she eats.
I don’t know what it is, I can’t put my finger on it but I just don’t like it.
I really don’t have an ending to this. I mean I could say let’s round up a posse and lynch her but that wouldn’t be appropriate. Wait since when have I ever been appropriate, time to take this bitch down.
Am I right on this or totally wrong?
This is going up on Humor-blogs.com even though it is only partially funny
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On 03/26/08 at 6:29 am
Dr.B said:
fist
On 03/26/08 at 3:00 pm
Kevin said:
You got it today!
On 03/26/08 at 6:35 am
Steve said:
You are right on the money.
And nice Sinbad refrence. Maybe he should be the new Chuck Norris.
On 03/26/08 at 1:03 pm
PJ said:
Good catch. I second it.
On 03/26/08 at 3:00 pm
Kevin said:
What no love for Mark Curry?
On 03/26/08 at 6:40 am
Dr.B said:
LOL! There is definetly something true in what you say, esp. about Arquette. As for Courtneys character Monica, I think all woman are like that or at least the ones I’ve had relationships with!! Finally Kevin, I’m proud of you because you’ve done some amazing things for a retarded kid also!!
On 03/26/08 at 3:03 pm
Kevin said:
I am a giver
On 03/26/08 at 6:43 am
Meghan said:
Spot on! I vote Gunther over Monica on that show any day. And she does have the Fergie/Rene Russo/Wax Museum look. I miss the Liz Taylor Days when they just made old women look blurry.
On 03/26/08 at 3:03 pm
Kevin said:
Why do you think my glasses are always fogged?
On 03/26/08 at 6:45 am
Meghan said:
And David Arquette is just like, the king of the dipshits in his weirdo family. At least Rosanna has a catchy tune written after her.
On 03/26/08 at 6:59 am
cigar smoking beer drinking lawyer said:
Are you sure she was acting and in character? I suspect she was playing herself.
I hate Jennifer Anniston based solely on her character in Friends.
On 03/26/08 at 3:04 pm
Kevin said:
Her Rolling Stone pictures are still hot though.
On 03/26/08 at 8:06 am
Gina said:
Thank God! Someone else finally said it! I hate pretty much all of the actors/actresses from friends save for Lisa Kudrow and (sometimes) Jennifer Aniston. Lisa is too cute to hate…but Courtney Cox is just OLD. I don’t care that she’s only forty-something, she’s WASHED UP and OLD. T.V. series don’t rejuvenate a career.
On 03/26/08 at 11:37 am
Tiffany P. said:
even though friends is one of my favorite shows ever, i was willing to do the “everyone has a right to their opinion” thing until i read this comment.
“tv series don’t rejuvenate a career”
do you mean the dumb-ass show she’s in now?
On 03/26/08 at 3:05 pm
Kevin said:
All out war… sweet
On 03/26/08 at 8:29 am
SoupNumber5 said:
Just like I think Leo DiCaprio is mentally disabled from his roll in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, that isn’t exactly a bad thing. When he does well in a movie I sit there and think, “Not bad for a retarded kid.”
The best thing I’ve read all week.
On 03/26/08 at 3:07 pm
Kevin said:
Thanks I try.
On 03/26/08 at 8:31 am
Charlotte said:
I like her in Dirt. Flame away.
On 03/26/08 at 3:08 pm
Kevin said:
You are dead to me.
On 03/26/08 at 9:13 am
Trista said:
You can’t start a fire sitting ’round crying over a broken heart
This gun’s for hire
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
You can’t start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun’s for hire
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
Hey baby!
I’m sorry, this wasn’t about Bruce? I saw Dancing in the Dark and my eyes glazed over…
On 03/26/08 at 3:08 pm
Kevin said:
I almost just pulled you on stage
On 03/26/08 at 9:14 am
em em said:
I don’t really mind her but I always thought she looked like Demi Moore if her face started to melt a little.
On 03/26/08 at 3:09 pm
Kevin said:
I don’t know what to say to that.
On 03/26/08 at 10:00 am
oh my said:
She married him because he’s so dumb he’s easy to control. When you’re right, you are so right (99% of the time, anyway)
On 03/26/08 at 3:10 pm
Kevin said:
now it is coming together.
On 03/26/08 at 10:19 am
Jay said:
But hey, she looked GGGOOOOOOOOOODDDD in her 5 minutes in “The Longest Yard!” But did she get implants or something?!
Jay
On 03/26/08 at 3:10 pm
Kevin said:
I avoid anything with Nelly invovled
On 03/26/08 at 10:21 am
sarah said:
how funny is that I just finished watching Scream 2 and I found that you blogged about her!
On 03/26/08 at 3:11 pm
Kevin said:
I’m sorry you watched that.
On 03/26/08 at 10:25 am
Restaurant Revies from thegrubhound said:
You had me rolling with “not bad for a retarded kid”…so bad. She doesn’t grate on my nerves that badly…I am like that with Angela Landsburry…ewww…Your right about her being the most annoying of the gang.
On 03/26/08 at 3:13 pm
Kevin said:
Not a bedknobs and broomsticks fan?
On 03/26/08 at 10:59 am
sir jorge said:
That pic of David holding the WCW title is jacked up man.
Though, not the greatest moment in WCW history, it shouldn’t be a fault.
On 03/26/08 at 3:14 pm
Kevin said:
Ready to Rumble should be banned from ever being aired
On 03/26/08 at 11:00 am
Tori said:
I think she’s hot. And I don’t mind her, but you’re right about Friends being overrated. Except that I hate Seinfeld more than anything in the world, so I’d pick Friends over that any day.
On 03/26/08 at 3:20 pm
Kevin said:
You hate Seinfeld… I don’t even know you anymore.
On 03/26/08 at 11:25 am
Trisha said:
Ha- re: DiCraprio!
Totally spot on about CeeCox as my dude would call her.
Friends was overrated. BUT SO WAS SEINFELD!!
hahaha- flame on I don’t give a DiCraprio- that is my opinion and I’m sticking to it. I liked Seinfeld when it was on, but when I watch it now I think “what did I ever see in this”. Boo-ya!
On 03/26/08 at 3:21 pm
Kevin said:
Wow really… People turning against Seinfeld today
On 03/26/08 at 11:40 am
Tiffany P. said:
wait…
Leo DiCaprio became mentally disabled from eating a roll on the set of “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”???
sorry kev.
you know how much i delight in picking on your use of homophones.
On 03/26/08 at 3:22 pm
Kevin said:
Damn… good call.. fixed
On 03/26/08 at 12:13 pm
Garg the Unzola said:
Well, Courtney Cox is quite a fox
But not quite a contender
She’s always preening
instead of cleaning
And I don’t think she can cook either.
On 03/26/08 at 3:23 pm
Kevin said:
You’re a poet, don’t you know it.
On 03/26/08 at 1:27 pm
Ann Clemmons said:
I’m also impressionable when it comes to the characters actors play~ I just rented No Country For Old Men, and I will be afraid of the lead actor with the weird hair forever- he is so creepy Kevin. And more plastic than the shark on Jaws. So I thought as long as you’re going after Courtney maybe you could stop and pick him up along with a plastic melting gun. I think Courtney had her cheeks sucked in- why do you think they call it “plastic surgery?”
The plastics are taking over~
Ann
On 03/26/08 at 3:24 pm
Kevin said:
it matches her personality
On 03/26/08 at 1:39 pm
River Styx said:
She sucks.
On 03/26/08 at 1:56 pm
cio_cio_san said:
I love Seinfield! How can people say it’s overrated? The best thing about Seinfield was they looked and acted like regular people. Friends, on the other hand, was funny for about 3 seasons (but went on for what, 10 seasons? shit!), plus it was so far- fetched. 6 white people, 3 girls, 3 guys, around the same age, really good looking, really nice apartments even when they don’t have jobs to pay for them, and a lot of stupid jokes.
Oh and the guest stars, don’t get me started on them bitchass guest stars.
I hate that most popular sitcoms have an all white cast. How realistic is that, that you couldn’t possibly be best friends with someone African American or Asian. Fuck, I hate you all.
On 03/26/08 at 3:19 pm
Kevin said:
I don’t know any blacks or asians
On 03/26/08 at 2:22 pm
Matty said:
I love watching Dirt. Not because of the interesting plot lines or the character development, but simply because the writing is so bad and way out in fantasy land. Kind of like Friends.
On 03/26/08 at 3:18 pm
Kevin said:
I like most of the shows on FX: Rescue Me, The Shield, The Riches is hit or miss… I watched Dirt for five minutes and knew I could never watch it again.
On 03/26/08 at 2:32 pm
monkee said:
David Arquette is an ass hat, that makes her a ass hat by marriage. I agree that she is a talentless hack rife with douchebaggery (I made that word up, huzzah)!
On 03/26/08 at 3:16 pm
Kevin said:
It is the ass hate convergence theory
On 03/26/08 at 3:06 pm
emmak said:
She is a shit actress but surely she is far hotter than Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow?
On 03/26/08 at 3:15 pm
Kevin said:
Aniston was hotter
On 03/26/08 at 3:31 pm
SOLEIL said:
i agree.. bleck!
she was ok in 500 miles to graceland, but only cuz thats like one of my favorite action movies.. well, cuz it has kurt russel & all =]
On 03/26/08 at 6:28 pm
Jamie said:
Dude, “Friends” can suck an egg. I’ve never had friends like that in my life, and if I did, I’d probably kill myself.
I, too, love watching “Dirt,” much like I enjoyed every minute of “Dragon Wars.” Spot on, Matty - poor writing makes for fantastic television.
On 03/26/08 at 6:28 pm
Jamie said:
Dude, “Friends” can suck an egg. I’ve never had friends like that in my life, and if I did, I’d probably kill myself.
I, too, love watching “Dirt,” much like I enjoyed every minute of “Dragon Wars.” Spot on, Matty - poor writing makes for fantastic television.
On 03/26/08 at 9:02 pm
cio_cio_san said:
You’re missing out. Blacks and Asians are fucking awesome.
On 03/26/08 at 11:52 pm
shannnon said:
I kind of agree with you about the plastic thing.
However your choices: “Seinfeld, Cheers, Curb Your Enthusiasm, All in the Family, The Simpsons, South Park, or the Cosby Show” are absolutely horrible… I hate all of them except The Simpsons. And maybe South Park. But those are both cartoons.
You left out Alf, Different Strokes, Fresh Prince of Belaire and that shit show; Everybody Loves Raymond.
I hate Everybody Loves Raymond.
My Names Earl and Arrested development kicks Friends hiney though.
On 07/11/08 at 7:31 am
MONICAHATER said:
ZHAHA HELL YEAH BIACTHCCC.
TOTALLY agree with this post.