5 Important Lessons I Learned Over the Weekend
These are the lessons I learned while going out drinking for my birthday on Saturday night.
1) There is a bar in Boston with really tall urinals- I’m not exactly a short guy as I stand 6ft tall but this Saturday night I ran into a set of urinals that was like almost even with my junk. Of course I was hammered when using said urinals so maybe I was kneeling to take a piss.
2) If you think the urinals are short it isn’t a conversation that you need to try to strike up in the men’s room- I broke the guy code and started talking to people when they were urinating. Bad form… I know. But the urinal size was really bothering me. Of course I got no reaction from anyone in the bathroom except for a couple of looks that basically said, “If you keep talking I am going to kill you.”
3) Tesla’s cover of “Signs” sounds so much better when you are hammered- There was a cover band at the bar we were at playing various songs from the last fifteen years. The combination of booze and the band’s ability made a lot of crappy songs palatable, you know when they played things by “Third Eye Blind” or “Creed”. Of course nothing was better than their rendition of “Signs” it was so good that I felt like I needed to sing along… Damn you alcohol.
4) When you see an old guy that looks like Ronnie James nobody under the age of 30 is going to get the joke- There was this old rocker dude in the bar that looked like Ronnie James Dio. I made the reference to my date who returned a blank look back at me, so I told the people around me and just got back a, “Who?” Jokes aren’t funny if people don’t get the reference.
5) When you sign your tab at the end of the night make sure to take your credit card- After signing your tab you are supposed to take you card with you. Not leave it on the bar for possibly everyone else in the bar to use.
Note: At least on bartender in every bar is nicknamed “Sully”.
Did you learn any important lessons this weekend?
I learned two things:
1. You got shit-faced.
2. If I am in a rush at a supermarket I will inevitably get the mentally challenged bagger.
Sounds like a semi-decent time. Haha.
-This weekend I learned that no matter how well I thought I did on my bracket, I did completely shitty and I shouldn’t gamble on sports I rarely watch.
If you were shorter, would you have used the stall? And talked to the person next to you?
Glad you made it relatively unscathed through Birthday Mayhem. We had money on whether you were in jail yesterday for trying to reenact the Boston Tea Party while under the influence.
At least we got half of it right.
Who doesn’t know Dio??
holy diver ~ i love a good RJD reference. i am sure that makes me old. but then, i guess that makes you old, too. um, i don’t think talking to others in the bathroom is NEAR as bad as hearing some chick in the stall next to you on the phone. SURELY whatever is being said could wait 90 seconds.
We got posters all over the office that have a pic Dio with the heading:
What would Dio do?
It’s a motivational poster.
As for my lesson for the weekend? Eating a whole pizza by myself is not a good idea.
I too have been met with blank stares when pointing out someone that looks like Dio, surprisingly there are alot of guys out there that do. Its creepy.
Worst then that though is wearing a Led Zeppelin tshirt and having a girl come up to you and ask who they are. I have never wanted to hit a girl in my life up until that point.
Well I had no idea who Ronnie James is.
I learnt that port and tequila do not go well together and hangovers get worse with age. Also not everyone knows what the truffle shuffle is and trying to explain it looks very wrong.
I would think tall urinals would lead to a wet floor. Gross.
Stop dating 18 year olds, Kevin. Or just make a look-alike refrence to the Jonas Brothers, then you’re set.
No matter how much hope I have, I need to come to terms with the fact that every member of my family is severly dysfunctional!! And there can never be a peaceful and pleasant family holiday!!
I learned how much a really suck at poker. This is a very hard thing for a guy to admit, but I think it is in the best interest of my ego and my wallet.
Dude, I’m 23 and if you would have made a Dio reference, I would have started singing. Ha. Hooooooly diiiii-vah!
Also, happy birthday grandpa. And high five on not dying or hitting your head on the giant urinals.
At least you didn’t make that stupid, “boy the water’s cold.” joke at the urinal.
i can’t believe how many people don’t know who dio is.
It makes me sad
I learned that not only is Kevin a douchebag for breaking a man code, but he was also in an Esurance commercial. I swear that dude was you.
I think the same thing whenever I see that commercial.
i swear its the animated kevin
I’ve been away for a while and haven’t caught up on the Kevin readings… how’d it go with the girl?
I learned that I really should take up roller derby, yeah, roller derby. I think I’ll do it too!
I don’t use urinals anymore. Tall urinals can be so embarrassing when your feet are dangling like a little kid and your back gets all wet.
I feel for you in regards to the reference thing.
I went to a bar a few years back (I was about 29 and single at the time). Every girl in the bar looked like they were underage (with legal drinking age in Ontario being 19 that isn’t too difficult), and I mentioned to a couple guys that I almost felt like I was a pedophile because of all the young girls. They told me they knew how I felt as they thought they were the oldest guys in the bar at 22.
Dumb bastards.
Hmm, you sound a little unappreciative about a night that someone spent time and energy planning for you…And maybe you should rethink how cool you think you are if you diss your dates for not getting your uncool references. And isn’t she your girlfriend?
Sounds like you made a wrong turn somewhere. This is a comedic blog, get a clue woman.
Whoa calm down there…. Where was that making fun of her at all? I was making fun of myself because it was a crappy reference to make which killed the joke.
I had a great time with her but where is the fun in talking about that? It is more fun to make fun of my stupid jokes.
PS… Boston loves me
That’s too bad, really. Ronnie was in the Pick of Destiny (Tenacious D) movie so the kids around here know who he is.
Which bar in Boston?? Hmm not that it really matters considering I won’t be able to get into the men’s room to check out the urninals…
SO true about bartenders being named Sully. Is that just a Boston thing or is it everywhere??
It’s just a Boston thing. Noone is named Sully anywhere except for there. Heh.
I can’t believe you broke the urinal code of conduct. Don’t you know you need to hold your peace, while you hold your piece? Kevin, Kevin, Kevin….
also…when i lived in boston. I learned about the Sully thing…not so sure about urinals due to i try NOT to end up in the mens room (although one time texting on my phone and not paying attention i walked right in)
its not just bathroom code you broke…its a mass thing…they arent called massholes for nuttin..
people will be glad to give you fucked up directions…but to hold a coversation…I think they are unable to do so, without an argument or the ‘ill kill you’ look.
you’ll learn as you go…
there’s no conversation more boring than one where everyone agrees.
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