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Why Can’t I Gamble Legally From Home?

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/20/08 @ 6:11 am

I like to bet on sports. Personally I find watching a game a little more enjoyable if I have some sort of rooting interest in it, even it is as little as ten dollars. Last night I went to deposit money into an offshore betting account like I do before every basketball tournament and NFL season only to find out I can no longer use my credit card. The only way I can deposit money now is to find some special place that wires money (it has to be some small specific company), stand on my head, click my heels, and give a secret password. Basically it is such a pain in the ass that it deters me from wanting to deposit money.

I don’t get how we can gamble legally in Las Vegas on sports, yet I can’t do it over the internet from my home. How the hell is gambling any worse than about 1000 other activities that are legal?

1)       Investing in the stock market- Um, aren’t they the same thing? You do research and you pick what team/company you are going to “invest” in. You don’t have personal controls over the market/game, you don’t have control over the decisions of the company/coach, and people become rich or poor or just break even off of it. Plus with gambling I don’t have to worry about savings and loans scandals, Enron, or any of these crooked companies. I just have to worry about an 18 year olds inability to make a free throw because he is thinking about how the condom broke when he was cheating on his girlfriend and the girl could be pregnant. Honestly which is more fun to be involved in?

2)       Drinking- I can sit at home and destroy my liver and that is okay because it is a personal choice but I can’t lose a hundred bucks on who I think is going to win the Kansas game? I’d rather spent a hundred bucks on a sporting event rather than a hundred bucks on alcohol. No headache, I won’t have the runs, I won’t be hung-over, and I won’t be waking up next to a trannie that I thought looked like Kathleen Turner the night before… Wait a second, I guess they are the same thing… my bad.


3)       Sex- I have never gotten herpes from betting on football.

4)       Porn/Shopping- People become addicted to those and waste thousands of dollars a month on it, how is that any worse than gambling? Honestly how is someone buying a 100th pair of shoes any different then me betting on a few games of week on the NFL, I bet you anything I will come out ahead.
Sure maybe I have taken gambling a little far at times. You know like betting on the Little League World Series or placing bets on who is going to win Survivor.

Ugh anyways… well I better go practicing standing on my head.

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

11 Responses to “Why Can’t I Gamble Legally From Home?”

  1. cigar smoking beer drinking lawyer says:

    Stop bitching. This ia America. Love or or leeave. You are with us or agianst us. It is unpatriotic to gamble while our country is in danger.

    Aren’t you in Boston? Surely you can find a bookie there. If not I can put you in touch with a couple of friends of friends of mine.

    • guy jr says:

      Kevin, you’re in Buffalo now. There are all kinds of places to find bookies. but certainly not the Tullys on Route 5 by the Easter Hills Mall!

      Not that I would know where to find them…you know.

      guy jr

  2. Matty says:

    Kathleen Turner could make a clock stop by looking at it. And that was all I got out of your blog today. What was it about? Gambling or something like that?

    Go Spartans.

  3. DiosaNY09 says:

    This is awesome!! I agree!! Go Kevin!!

  4. em em says:

    Ah, another example of the great American fleece job. Make a “moral” issue out of something you can’t properly tax and pretend that’s the reason it’s not legal. Gambling, prostitution and “street pharmaceuticals”, all illegal under the guise of morality when the reality is smaller money transactions are harder to track and tax, especially when there’s no business license to penalize and no leverage to require reported sales and profits from individuals. But then again, I live close to a reservation with a big ol’ casino, so I can gamble if I want to, but I’m cheap and a sore loser, so it doesn’t really do it for me.

  5. SweetNess! says:

    I bet they change that password every hour on the hour

  6. Trice says:

    When I rule the world I will fix that for you.

  7. supernik says:

    all i have to say is ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK~~~ that will be all. thank you

  8. You could always start a home cock-fighting ring. They sell kits on Ebay.

  9. Jinksy says:

    If it were up to me, I’d create a company similar to PayPal that would allow you to paying for gambling, prostitution and other illicit activities that the government wouldn’t approve of. I’d base the company on small island that could care less as long as they get their cut, and you could go to gambleyourassoff.com or ineedtogetlaid.com or iwantabiggerharderdick.com, click on a button and enjoy your vice from the privacy of your own home.

  10. Clay says:

    Well, at least you can buy guns and steroids from home. Bulking up and shooting at shit is almost as fun as gambling.

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