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Mar
13

Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist?

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/13/08 @ 5:55 am

Man I am disappointed in Elliot Spitzer.

Is it because after his years of hard charging and taking down big companies for illegal activities he gets busted? Nope.

I am just shocked that he spent over 5 grand on a hooker. That is amazing to me.

Sure these aren’t typical crack whores we are talking about. He probably isn’t going to catch a STD and the girls look like models. Let me show you what I am talking about, this was taken from the Emperors Club site:

empire club spitzer

Alright so she doesn’t have chapped lips, a c-section scar, and she has all of her teeth but really five grand?

Elliot could have gone on craigslist and saved himself time and all this trouble. Plus he probably wouldn’t have gotten busted. Let’s compare what he spent his money on versus what was available right in the Albany area from Craigslist in the Erotic Service section.

First up… Chastity Rose… Chastity… right.

chastity rose

Chastity is taking appointments for like $200 bucks an hour. Sure her hair looks like something out of the eighties and her face looks like Buffalo Bill in “Silence of the Lambs” but he would have saved like $5,300 bucks. Versus paying for something like:

empire club spitzer

Come on, you can’t even see her face in that picture. Plus Skyler could be really fat, it is all in the angle she is sitting at. Also f you look in the corner she only got three diamonds, that is probably the equivalent to a craiglists hooker pulling a knife and telling the guy to hurry up while taking double her rate.

Next up we have Endless… “as in endless fun”… I wish I was making this shit up. Endless was running at about $180 an hour, plus she doesn’t “clock watch” and “knows how to please a man”.

endless

Endless really needs to consider getting some vanity shots done or possibly even turning on a light. You know watch, scratch that… I don’t want to know how she got the name Endless… Endless as in “my endless penis that I have to tuck” or Endless as in “my Endless stomach”. Some mysterious are better left unsolved.

empire club spitzer

What is the deal with the Emperor’s Club hookers wearing jeans in their pictures? See Spitzer probably paid this girl at least three grand and really, she doesn’t have a good name like Endless. I don’t want to scream, “Julia, insert the fifth finger now”… It doesn’t sound fun.

And finally there is… Um… A place where you can get a holistic body massage from a sexy Asian… as well as an Adam’s apple. She/he didn’t really give a price and well I frankly have no idea what to guess on this one.

Asian Trannie

I have a feeling that this is probably the best Spitzer is going to be getting for awhile and if he does get charged and end up in prison this will be a top of the line bitch in there… Mr. Spitzer I could have saved your career with a discreet introduction to the world of craigslist…

Doesn’t everyone end up happy if he just goes to Craigslist?

Update: Pictures are starting to hit the web of the infamous “Kristen” here is one that I came across:

kristen and spitzer

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

30 Responses to “Come on Elliot Spitzer, 5 Grand for a Hooker. Don’t You Know About Craigslist?”

  1. Steve says:

    Did you see the pictures of the chick he did hook up with? She is average. I’ve banged way hotter chicks for free!

    But I don’t look like a creep…..Ok…I don’t look that much like a creep.

  2. Matty says:

    Five large for her, eh? Maybe three..four tops.

  3. That Guy says:

    i used to live in amsterdam, spitzer could have goten way better for way less over there, government approved.

    on another note, kevin, you need a proof reader for your blogs bud.

  4. Fiona says:

    Maybe she has a mouth like a hoover?

  5. em em says:

    It’s really funny that they actually take the time to describe the girls’ personalities, because that’ll totally be the clincher when deciding which hooker to rent. Hahahaha.

  6. I didn’t know they had CATALOGS. Wow. That was an interesting read.
    I’ve got dainty mannerisms. Nobody ever threw down five large. Of course, I have a great big ass. So I suppose its a tradeoff.

  7. Duane says:

    Did you notice the prison tattoo “Kristen” has on her right hand? That’s the clincher. Prison chicks are always hot.

  8. leigh says:

    chastity looks like nancy spungen. 70s smack whore is not a good look for everyone, but girl is working it.

  9. Meghan says:

    Oh, The Spitzers. They were on Harvard Mags cover as a ‘power couple’ some time ago. Yeesh…
    And that gigantic ring on Kristen’s finger – it went missing up Eliot Spitzer’s ass last November.

  10. pope john iii says:

    well, since i now live in chicago, i called skylar and we are going out and i am going in this evening.

  11. dave says:

    Asian Massage? Looks more like it would be a fight to the death with that “Tu Wong Fu Margret Cho”.

  12. Gabbi says:

    Yeah, “Kristen” is some chick named Ashley and she has the #1 ranked blog on MS today….what if this all a political thing? To knock Hillary down a notch….it took her “Super Delegate” and it reminded us how stupid she looked when her hubby got the hummer in the “Oral Office” …yeah, this looks like the work of McBain! LOL

  13. Jinksy says:

    For five grand, her crotch better be dipped in gold and signing “God Bless America” while not missing abeat on what he’s really there for.

    Considering the red light district in DC , for $40…well..that’s a whole different story.

  14. kate says:

    ‘kristen’ looks like a jessica biel reject

  15. Trice says:

    Is the small “x” on the hand is that like “O” from the movies? I bet she has a strap on somewhere in her closet!

  16. Meghan says:

    The Lovely Kristen is also an R+B singer… I can’t wait…I guess this is an easier way to get promoted than battling it out on American Idol.

  17. PJ says:

    “Open the door, Joel.”

  18. penny lane says:

    your fascination and INTENSE knowledge of the craig’s list hooker selection is extremely scary. and funny. but more scary.

  19. Marcia says:

    As always, you are a scream! I always leave with a smile on my face and I bet that’s more then Spitzer can say.

    Keep em coming! ROFLOL

    Cat Lady

  20. Mark says:

    she is pretty hot, but for $5K? i dunno’. well, she is up for “things that, like, you might not think were safe”. that was “client 9’s” request anyway…

  21. conundrum says:

    She seems like a lovely girl but $5K – no way.

    On the other hand, how did jug ears Elliot get Mrs Elliot to stand by him in all these humiliating press events?

    No way in hell would I have been there acting “supportive”.

  22. Rhonda says:

    If you’re drunk and you squint your eyes at the dark pic of Endless, she just might start looking like Pamela Anderson…

  23. Static says:

    Kristen in a candid shot at the end with her usual flash of fingers v-shaped meaning “vajayjay 4 $ale”…

  24. This is all the fault of Giuliani, he busted all the whorehouses in NYC, so now poor Spitzer has to shell out 5 grand and get caught in the process! This is all a republican conspiracy. Spitzer should plead social engineering by neocons!

  25. Wendy says:

    No lights for Endless. Endless is a man.

  26. Melissa says:

    There are catalogues for rent-a-dates? Kevin, I’m hurt! I always hook you up with the bizarre and interesting like live action bicycle sex and the vagina couch. You couldn’t send me a catalogue?

  27. The Muse says:

    I think you should add her to your friends on MySpace. ;^)

    http://www.myspace.com/ashleyyoumans86

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