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It is too early in the relationship for me to commit to this

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/11/08 @ 6:11 am

Have you ever met someone in your life and really early on after meeting him or her they ask you to do something totally inappropriate? Like they are pushing your relationship to a level that is like forty steps away? Kind of like the whole Keith Hernandez moving episode on Seinfeld? Just to be clear I am not talking about deviant sexual acts or anything like that. So that one time that you got picked up at the bar and had a guy ask you to wear my little pony pajamas all while calling him Uncle Miltie doesn’t count in this discussion.

Keith Hernandez

Anyways, back to what I was saying. I met a guy at a party on Saturday night that ended up having the same last name as I did. He said that he wanted to research it and see if we were related in some way, so we exchanged numbers. Now honestly I didn’t really want to exchange numbers because personally I didn’t care if we were related but I also didn’t want to be a social outcast and turn down his offer.

My date and I left the party around midnight, I figured it would probably the last time I heard or talked to my new “friend”. Oh how wrong was I. At about 4:44 in the morning I got a series of phone calls and a text message saying he was in trouble and needed help. I didn’t get these until the next morning when I looked at my phone but this really kind of troubled me. Not because he was in trouble and I couldn’t help but because he had the balls enough to call me so late after just meeting me.

opium den

Now let me ask you this, if you need help at 4:44 in the morning would you turn to someone you just met or maybe someone that you had been friends with for a long time? And what does it say about the person that you had just met and have been moved up the “oh shit I need help at 4:44 in the morning” list?
So now I am left wondering what he needed me for at that time in the morning? Did he end up in an opium den and was in debt to Asian gangsters? Was he on a bus full of strippers/hookers and need a wingman because Elliot Spitzer was busy? Did he hit someone jogging on the road and need help hiding the body?

I supposed I could call him but who would want to do that? He would probably ask me to help him move or smuggle drugs internationally, I am just not ready to commit to that.

Have you had someone ask you to do something totally inappropriate right after you met?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

51 Responses to “It is too early in the relationship for me to commit to this”

  1. Meghan says:

    Wow. I would have been weirded out that he wanted to see if he was related to me in the 1st place?! Brothers don’t shake hands, brothers gotta hug.

  2. Meghan says:

    For the sake of ‘Buddy Comedies’ throughout history you should have called him back immediately!! “Palmer and Palmer On the Loose!” , “Palmer and Palmer Spring Break!”.I can see the movie posters now…

  3. Marjorie says:

    um I had a ex boyfriend ask me to marry him after our first date, does that count? I would watch out for that guy Kevin he seems like the stalking type.

  4. hands off the diet coke says:

    You sure it wasn’t man crush?

    • Meghan says:

      That was my 1st thought – Man Crush! He wanted to feel rescued!

      • Kevin says:

        I wasn’t even thinking that… great I got a booty call from a dude

        • Melissa says:

          Hate to say it, but that was my first thought. That or he hoped you’d foolishly show so he and his friend could mug you then sell you on the streets as some gangsta, drug addled brotha’s bitch.

  5. Steve says:

    You should have answered it if he was in an opium den. That shit FUCKS you up.

  6. Chris says:

    Get a new phone number. The guy sounds mental. Be careful it doesn’t end up like in this clip…


  7. Fiona says:

    Wow. Sounds like he’s either a con man or a loser with no friends…. run awayy, run awaaayyyyy

  8. David says:

    Less then twenty-four hours in and we already got a rip on Spitzer. I love it. But hey, 70 percent of New Yorkers can’t be wrong, right? Haha.

  9. Meghan says:

    I had a really bad 1st date recently and even though I clearly cut the date short and managed to squirm my way out of a kiss, he still texted me later that night and asked if I had plans for Easter???

  10. I’m inclined to agree re: changing your number if he calls again. Your last name is Palmer? Super super common. What are the odds you are related? I’d have given him the ‘one digit off’ number fo sho’.

  11. Bilko says:

    Sounds like he wanted to touch the family jewels.

  12. Wendy Smith says:

    Note to self: If I need help at 444 in the morning, dont call Kevin.

    • Kevin says:

      Unless it is a house fire… and by house fire I mean my house. I don’t want to be bugged from my golden slumber.

  13. John--Softball Stud says:

    My last roommate in college came back to visit in the Spring Semester and brought with him a friend from his hometown. Somewhere in the middle of the night, he ditched him without a ride home. So I was getting phone calls asking where my ex-roomie was. Since I had no idea, I told him that I didn’t know, but he didn’t believe me. Then his mother calls me asking me where my ex-roomie was. Again, I told him I didn’t know and that he doesn’t live here anymore. Well she didn’t believe me. In the course of the night (at this point it was 3am), I received ten calls from both asking to speak with him. Since he wasn’t there, that would have been impossible but they still thought I was lying. To get some sleep, I turned the ringer off and let it go to voicemail. The next morning, I had ten more messages from both of them. The next weekend, my ex-roomie came back for a visit. I told him about the previous weekend and he told me as he was laughing, “Oh, he was pissing me off so I went home.” Two things struck me that day…one, my ex-roomie was an asshole and two, didn’t it occur to his friend to call him at home?!?!

  14. Duane says:

    At first I thought you wrote “smuggle drugs internally”, which a normal person obviously wouldn’t do for at least four dates (I mean, who doesn’t have standards?).

    I did have a woman ask if I could pay her outstanding debt to the phone company before we were going to have a first date. That was a bit suspicious.

  15. em em says:

    I had a regular customer once in a store that I worked in that asked me to move with him to Atlanta- from Washington state where I live. Made more awkward by the fact that a) I had never even been out with him and didn’t really even know his first name for sure b) he was really, really serious and asked if he could bring his family in to meet me, and C) he was obviously a little social inept, and had a sort of gimpy leg so I was always just a little unsure of the mental capacity I was dealing with and how I could let him down without him going crazy on me in the store. God I wish I was making that up- soooooo awkward.

  16. Matty says:

    I didn’t know that “your last name here not included for privacy reasons” was such a rare last name.

  17. Wendy says:

    I met a guy with the same last name as my maiden name. It was not a usual last name. We thought we might be distant cousins. And he asked me out. That was creepy.

  18. Claire says:

    Why did you give him your number! buffoon.

  19. kate says:

    Before i started reading, i thought this was going to be about farting or burping infront of your guy/girl. i was way off. dude must have been high or some shit and confused your number with one of his homeslices.

  20. Arjewtino says:

    The curiosity alone would make me call. Do it. Don’t do anything he wants, but think about it as a possible future blog post.

  21. alicia says:

    Um that would freak me out too

  22. Mandygirl says:

    lol, you may need a new phone number!

  23. PJ says:

    Well, if whatever he did at 4:44 in the morning involved a dead hooker, I think we may have the are you two related answer.

    • Kevin says:

      Talk about wrapping things up with a solid logical answer. Because I think everything is solved now, he must be blood.

  24. I can totally relate. Many moons ago (about 19yrs) I had just moved to Juneau, AK with my hubby. He worked for a mine there. We leased a townhouse…there were 8 connected in a row. About a week later I met this really “nice” chic that lived about 3 doors down, her husband also worked for the mine. I went over for tea, and chatted…then I went home. One friggin’ chat date…and that same night I was awakened at 2:30am – she was calling from the police station. I asked, “why are you calling me instead of your husband?” She says, “he’s on swing shift so he’s not home”. I said, “well he’ll be home any minute so why didn’t you save your call?” Get this…she wanted me to catch him before he went into the house (yes a man I had never met) and tell him that he needed to come get her out of jail. Sheesh…all I could think of was that I don’t even know this guy…he’s been working all day…and I gotta tell him his wife is drunk and in jail. One friggin’ chat date!!! I’m too nice…I did it…and it sucked. I was the one who had to see the look on his face. Man, some people got some kind of nerve!

  25. TygrKat33 says:

    I can’t believe you don’t have this one memorized and at the ‘ready’…http://www.rejectionhotline.com/

    the site will give you a number with a local area code that plays a ’special’ message to that freakshow…er..new friend.

  26. Dee says:

    Seriously… doing nothing was the best thing for you. Only God knows what his intentions were. Hell it could of been a trap or something.

  27. princess santeri says:

    I had a guy ask me to be his date to his best friend’s wedding on our first date. I never called him again. He lives in China now.

  28. Lynn says:

    Stuff like this happens to me all the time for some reason, I must be an easy target. Once I went home with a co-worker on lunch break… it was her first day on the job. Instead of eating lunch she does a line of cocaine… I was horrified!

  29. Melissa says:

    If I may be permitted to royally freak you out? Maybe he’s a Pythagoreanist. The similiarity in last names (without knowing his first to properly extrapolate) may indiace a numeric harmony for the oddball. Then too, he called at 4:44 or 444 as another states, the numbers 444 meaning roughly the universe (if squared), ten heavenly bodies and/or central fire and world-soul. So, he could have seen you as his universe, a heavenly body (leaning back to the man-handling desire from above) or in tune witht he world soul and have some nefarious altar of destruction for you. Just think! You may have passed up the opportunity to star in your own horror flick!

    The oddest thing a friend ever asked me to do was to pretend to be the voice of the person who co-signd on her repossessed car in order to get it out of hock. We’d known each other 11 years at that point. At no time in a friendship is it cool to commit a crime of that magnitude. Backfired on her ass anyway as they needed the cosigner to show up, pay the money and take possession – and the guy knew the woman personally.

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