Let Me Rate Your Shame
I love a good high school “I got my period at the wrong time” story. I first discovered them when I was dating a girl in high school (um we both were in high school, don’t get the wrong idea) that got a copy of YM Magazine and I have been hooked ever since. In fact before we go any further let me share one with you from ym.com:
It was Career Day at my school and professionals were guest speakers. In one of the sessions, we had a physician, who happened to be the one I go to, talking about how patients come in for complaints of common symptoms, such as coughing all the time or frequent fatigue. Then the doctor was talking about how women come in and complain about symptoms they have with their cycle.
Coincidentally, it was that time of the month for me, but I was winding down, so I wore a slim pantyliner instead of a tampon. A moment later, the doctor said out loud, “Ah, it looks like Marcie will have to come see me, so I can check out her problem.” It turns out my period was heavier than I thought, and spotted my pants. Everyone gawked at me and laughed. My crush was laughing so hard he was crying. I’m now a junior in high school and my friends still won’t leave me alone about this incident. I am never using generic brand pads again.
—Marcie, 17, Brooklyn, NY
If that isn’t entertaining I don’t know what is. I wonder if Tampax sent that in to destroy the business of generic brand pads everywhere? Poor Marcie I can just image her leaving a trail of tears and blood on her way to the bathroom with her crush laughing at her the entire time, oh the horror. There just has to be someone on the YM staff that just gets paid to write this crap up, I want that job so bad. Last year I constructed a letter to send to YM (check out that post if you don’t remember, it has my favorite line in a blog ever) that sadly never made the website (I seriously check like once a month).
(Marcie’s heavy flow covers Brooklyn)
About a month or two ago there was something that I noticed with the stories, they now had a rating scale so people can vote on it:
1 star= Glad it didn’t happen to me
2 stars= Friends must still be talking about it
3 stars= Total embarrassment
4 stars= Better switch school districts
Now that was the single greatest thing YM could have ever, now not only could you read about people’s most embarrassing moments but you can rate the level of how shameful it actually was. However I kind of don’t like the way their rating scale is, because really to every teenage girl the three star rating applies automatically to whatever story they are telling. Also I don’t think that this rating scale correctly captures the over dramatic view of teenage girls, so I propose we come up with a new rating scale to send to them.
Here is my proposed rating system (leave your own or make corrections in the comments below):
1 star= I had to fake the flu and stay home for a week while cutting my inner thighs daily
2 stars= Better switch school districts because now I can only screw outcasts
3 stars= Have you ever seen the movie “Carrie”?
4 stars= I’ve gone goth
What would you change on the ratings scale?Â
This is going up at humor-blog.com
On 03/10/08 at 6:24 am
Meghan said:
I think I forgot YM existed.
On 03/10/08 at 6:29 am
Meghan said:
I don’t think kids went goth in my High school. “Sleeping with everyone to help make up for embarrassing mistakes” was more their girly style.
On 03/10/08 at 7:54 am
Kevin said:
I wish I went to that high school
On 03/10/08 at 7:49 am
Kikisue said:
Always been my favorite part of that magazine, not that I am 26 and still reading it or anything.
On 03/10/08 at 7:53 am
Kevin said:
You can admit it… it is ok
On 03/10/08 at 9:23 am
Fiona said:
God, I’d forgotten about that, those stories killed me and I could never figure out why those fools would send them in in the first place.
On 03/10/08 at 11:19 am
Kevin said:
For my personal enjoyment
On 03/10/08 at 10:15 am
Jeremy said:
If this really happened in America that girl would have sued her doctor for everything he had. She then would be living the phat life on all his cash. Screw friends, she could have an estate. That’s how you know it’s fake.
On 03/10/08 at 10:21 am
Meghan said:
It’s fake. Fifteen year old girls don’t write in period stories to YM any more than 25 year old males write columns about what kind of girl drives them wild to Cosmo.
On 03/10/08 at 11:22 am
Kevin said:
Well I guess I won’t announce my new freelance assignment
On 03/10/08 at 10:19 am
Meghan said:
The only kid I knew who had to switch schools was a poor unfortunate soul named Jeff. He was busted masturbating on our auditorium stage facing the empty crowd, pants at ankles, in full view of a couple who had snuck back stage to make out. Poor Jeff…I hope he’s reading this.
On 03/10/08 at 10:45 am
Melissa said:
We had one that sat outside the art room masturbating. When the teacher came out he smiled and told the female teacher “this is for you baby.” He made a mess and was hauled away by security wearing latex gloves. Oddly enough, this guy was kind of proud fo the notoriety and told people about what he did. Still does. Some people have no shame.
On 03/10/08 at 11:22 am
Kevin said:
I love the whole I have been caught rubbing one out story…
On 03/10/08 at 10:32 am
kate said:
YM is still around? damn…i always read the stories in cosmogirl for entertainment
On 03/10/08 at 11:23 am
Kevin said:
they are never boring
On 03/10/08 at 10:48 am
Melissa said:
Those letters are as real as the Letters in Penthouse. The only thing I see wrong Kev is #2 most girls would keep the same school and just screw outcasts while mocking their friends for having impossible standards or being scared of cutting lose, being real women, and having scads of liberating sex. And “I’ve gone Goth” would be replaced with “I’ve gone Butch and now am the star player of the Women’s Field Hockey Team.”
On 03/10/08 at 11:23 am
Kevin said:
wait… the letters in penthouse aren’t real?
On 03/10/08 at 11:29 am
dan said:
If I could do it all over again !! If I could go back to High School, that’s the girl I’d give my attention too, so lonley and sad.So desperate for attention that she would be an easy lay.
On 03/10/08 at 12:07 pm
Kristen King said:
I thought YM ceased publication a couple of years ago after dismal ad revenues for an extended period of time. So glad it’s still around! The embarrassing stories were always my favs, I have to admit.
kk
On 03/10/08 at 12:11 pm
Kristen King said:
BTW, according to the YM pet personality quiz, if I were a household pet I would be a cat. Awesome.
On 03/10/08 at 12:15 pm
Kevin said:
I so need to go take that test
On 03/10/08 at 12:39 pm
Meghan said:
Is Jane magazine for Lesbians? I got a free copy in the mail and a guy friend told me he heard it was for Lesbians?
On 03/10/08 at 1:11 pm
penny lane said:
um, no it isn’t.
On 03/10/08 at 12:49 pm
penny lane said:
How about:
1* ~ sing “Don’t Cry Out Loud” over & over to self
2* ~ turn lesbian, girls understand
3* ~ tell people “it wasn’t my period, it was a miscarriage”
4* ~ bring a gun to school the next day, people will forget ALL about the day before
On 03/10/08 at 12:59 pm
Sophie said:
I subscribed to this in junior high as well. I have many embarassing stories if you ever need material for your freelance assignments. Heh. ; )
On 03/10/08 at 1:11 pm
Trista said:
Your obsession with teenaged-girl magazines is starting to worry me, my friend.
On 03/10/08 at 1:17 pm
Kevin said:
Like you don’t like a good period story.
On 03/10/08 at 2:19 pm
PJ said:
Keira Knightly probably will be looking to star in the movie.
On 03/10/08 at 3:30 pm
Matty said:
I remember that blog last year. Writing YM in such a way might get in the way of your Penthouse Forum writings though.
On 03/10/08 at 4:04 pm
Patty said:
So I take it feom this posting things with the new girl you are dating are either:
a - Over
b - She is super cool and get s your sense of humor
On 03/10/08 at 4:29 pm
Jen said:
Once, just once during a man’s life they need to experience a period. That’s my greatest wish…
On 03/10/08 at 6:17 pm
princess santeri said:
Oh dear lord. I remember those stories. I always thought about half of them were fake. Funny as hell, don’t get me wrong, just not plausible.