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Let Me Rate Your Shame

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/10/08 @ 6:06 am

I love a good high school “I got my period at the wrong time” story. I first discovered them when I was dating a girl in high school (um we both were in high school, don’t get the wrong idea) that got a copy of YM Magazine and I have been hooked ever since. In fact before we go any further let me share one with you from ym.com:

It was Career Day at my school and professionals were guest speakers. In one of the sessions, we had a physician, who happened to be the one I go to, talking about how patients come in for complaints of common symptoms, such as coughing all the time or frequent fatigue. Then the doctor was talking about how women come in and complain about symptoms they have with their cycle.

Coincidentally, it was that time of the month for me, but I was winding down, so I wore a slim pantyliner instead of a tampon. A moment later, the doctor said out loud, “Ah, it looks like Marcie will have to come see me, so I can check out her problem.” It turns out my period was heavier than I thought, and spotted my pants. Everyone gawked at me and laughed. My crush was laughing so hard he was crying. I’m now a junior in high school and my friends still won’t leave me alone about this incident. I am never using generic brand pads again.

-Marcie, 17, Brooklyn, NY

If that isn’t entertaining I don’t know what is. I wonder if   Tampax sent that in to destroy the business of generic brand pads everywhere? Poor Marcie I can just image her leaving a trail of tears and blood on her way to the bathroom with her crush laughing at her the entire time, oh the horror. There just has to be someone on the YM staff that just gets paid to write this crap up, I want that job so bad. Last year I constructed a letter to send to YM (check out that post if you don’t remember, it has my favorite line in a blog ever) that sadly never made the website (I seriously check like once a month).


(Marcie’s heavy flow covers Brooklyn)

About a month or two ago there was something that I noticed with the stories, they now had a rating scale so people can vote on it:

1 star= Glad it didn’t happen to me

2 stars= Friends must still be talking about it

3 stars= Total embarrassment

4 stars= Better switch school districts

Now that was the single greatest thing YM could have ever, now not only could you read about people’s most embarrassing moments but you can rate the level of how shameful it actually was. However I kind of don’t like the way their rating scale is, because really to every teenage girl the three star rating applies automatically to whatever story they are telling. Also I don’t think that this rating scale correctly captures the over dramatic view of teenage girls, so I propose we come up with a new rating scale to send to them.

Here is my proposed rating system (leave your own or make corrections in the comments below):

1 star= I had to fake the flu and stay home for a week while cutting my inner thighs daily

2 stars= Better switch school districts because now I can only screw outcasts

3 stars= Have you ever seen the movie   “Carrie”?

4 stars= I’ve gone goth

What would you change on the ratings scale?

This is going up at humor-blog.com

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

32 Responses to “Let Me Rate Your Shame”

  1. Meghan says:

    I think I forgot YM existed.

  2. Meghan says:

    I don’t think kids went goth in my High school. “Sleeping with everyone to help make up for embarrassing mistakes” was more their girly style.

  3. Kikisue says:

    Always been my favorite part of that magazine, not that I am 26 and still reading it or anything.

  4. Fiona says:

    God, I’d forgotten about that, those stories killed me and I could never figure out why those fools would send them in in the first place.

  5. Jeremy says:

    If this really happened in America that girl would have sued her doctor for everything he had. She then would be living the phat life on all his cash. Screw friends, she could have an estate. That’s how you know it’s fake.

    • Meghan says:

      It’s fake. Fifteen year old girls don’t write in period stories to YM any more than 25 year old males write columns about what kind of girl drives them wild to Cosmo.

  6. Meghan says:

    The only kid I knew who had to switch schools was a poor unfortunate soul named Jeff. He was busted masturbating on our auditorium stage facing the empty crowd, pants at ankles, in full view of a couple who had snuck back stage to make out. Poor Jeff…I hope he’s reading this.

    • Melissa says:

      We had one that sat outside the art room masturbating. When the teacher came out he smiled and told the female teacher “this is for you baby.” He made a mess and was hauled away by security wearing latex gloves. Oddly enough, this guy was kind of proud fo the notoriety and told people about what he did. Still does. Some people have no shame.

  7. kate says:

    YM is still around? damn…i always read the stories in cosmogirl for entertainment

  8. Melissa says:

    Those letters are as real as the Letters in Penthouse. The only thing I see wrong Kev is #2 most girls would keep the same school and just screw outcasts while mocking their friends for having impossible standards or being scared of cutting lose, being real women, and having scads of liberating sex. And “I’ve gone Goth” would be replaced with “I’ve gone Butch and now am the star player of the Women’s Field Hockey Team.”

  9. dan says:

    If I could do it all over again !! If I could go back to High School, that’s the girl I’d give my attention too, so lonley and sad.So desperate for attention that she would be an easy lay.

  10. Kristen King says:

    I thought YM ceased publication a couple of years ago after dismal ad revenues for an extended period of time. So glad it’s still around! The embarrassing stories were always my favs, I have to admit.


  11. Kristen King says:

    BTW, according to the YM pet personality quiz, if I were a household pet I would be a cat. Awesome.

  12. Meghan says:

    Is Jane magazine for Lesbians? I got a free copy in the mail and a guy friend told me he heard it was for Lesbians?

  13. penny lane says:

    How about:
    1* ~ sing “Don’t Cry Out Loud” over & over to self
    2* ~ turn lesbian, girls understand
    3* ~ tell people “it wasn’t my period, it was a miscarriage”
    4* ~ bring a gun to school the next day, people will forget ALL about the day before

  14. Sophie says:

    I subscribed to this in junior high as well. I have many embarassing stories if you ever need material for your freelance assignments. Heh. ; )

  15. Trista says:

    Your obsession with teenaged-girl magazines is starting to worry me, my friend.

  16. PJ says:

    Keira Knightly probably will be looking to star in the movie.

  17. Matty says:

    I remember that blog last year. Writing YM in such a way might get in the way of your Penthouse Forum writings though.

  18. Patty says:

    So I take it feom this posting things with the new girl you are dating are either:

    a – Over
    b – She is super cool and get s your sense of humor

  19. Jen says:

    Once, just once during a man’s life they need to experience a period. That’s my greatest wish…

  20. princess santeri says:

    Oh dear lord. I remember those stories. I always thought about half of them were fake. Funny as hell, don’t get me wrong, just not plausible.

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