Doilies and other things that don’t necessarily make me gay
In my effort to continue my ongoing quest this week to show a new, sensitive, and grounded side because of a female I bring to you things that show I am a sensitive guy. Yesterday I admitted my love of kittens and now I am going to give you some things that I am proud to admit.
A lot of times when guys admit this stuff, meatheads will call them “gay” or other slurs like that. Well I am not afraid to show this sensitive side, here are some things that display that:
I think Doilies can really tie a room together- Maybe it was the way I was raised or my grandmother’s love of them but I think doilies can really tie a room together. In fact I think they can display your furniture in a way that you could never imagine. Go ahead and buy a few, try them out and tell me that they don’t make all the difference in your room. Plus nothing says “class” like doilies…
I have never participated in a gang rape- In prison or out, just figured I wanted to make that clear… Oh that prison comment, um, just forget about that. (Did you see what the girl is wearing in the picture? She is totally just asking for it…. slut.)
I went to see the Phantom of the Opera and liked it- I saw the Phantom of the Opera in LA when I was in high school and I liked it. I thought the production was well done and the songs stuck in my head for awhile… Sure I was playing craps with the wanna be gangsta rich white kids during the intermission and won like $30, so maybe that slanted my night. The dice go clackety clackety clack…
I have never thrown a girl down a flight of stairs- As a matter of fact I have never beat the crap out of a girl I dated, or even laid a finger on them in a bad way. Well unless you count a stuck out foot in front of the stairwell when they were pregnant and carrying a heavy laundry basket. Honestly though, that doesn’t count does it? She was catholic it had to be done.
I owned a Cabbage Patch Doll- Everyone else did when I was little and I jumped on the bandwagon. I gave a crap about it for like a week and then realized they were really boring to own. Then I used it as a crash test dummy for any type of ramp I constructed.
Personally this is big for me, I am really happy that I can open up here. Ladies love these sensitive new age guys, glad I can show that I am one.
Anything you want to come clean on?
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On 03/5/08 at 6:59 am
marjorie said:
so sweet and sensitive, bring back the old kevin now hehe
On 03/5/08 at 7:47 am
Kevin said:
Did he ever go away?
On 03/5/08 at 7:18 am
Isha said:
Wow, marry me…lol HAAAA Now seriously, where is the old Kevin?
On 03/5/08 at 7:47 am
Kevin said:
Locked in my attic.
On 03/5/08 at 7:27 am
Claire said:
Did you take the cabbage patch doll to bed with you? Is that how you discovered it was boring?
On 03/5/08 at 7:49 am
Kevin said:
I had two friends that had them so I felt like I was behind and didn’t have one… When I got one I was like, “so what the hell do I do with it?”
It just sat in my room… I learned then that just because my friends owned something it didn’t mean that I had to.
On 03/5/08 at 8:12 am
Claire said:
I have an image of you and cabbage patch doll in a stare off competition, with you getting annoyed and shouting do something damn it!
Hmmm and your reply to my comment was a bit scary, today Kevin learnt……
On 03/5/08 at 8:17 am
Kevin said:
Give a brother a break….
I just looked at it asking it to “do something”, I wanted it to stand up and juggle so bad.
On 03/5/08 at 7:36 am
Pj Suttle said:
This shows us your inner ‘gay’ Kevin….the owning up to having/using that cabbage patch doll “as a crash test dummy” (that’s just code for pre-teen self-sex right?) solidifies that factoid
I’M JUST KIDDING! I’m being surley like for the moment - but the cabbage patch doll in general is just damn GAY.
On 03/5/08 at 7:51 am
Kevin said:
Hey I am honest enough to admit all my warts…
On 03/5/08 at 7:39 am
Meghan said:
Lace, anti-gang rape, Opera, anti-domestic violence and dolls. You’re a dreamboat.
On 03/5/08 at 7:57 am
Kevin said:
People wonder why I am single.
On 03/5/08 at 8:07 am
Meghan said:
It’s a Scooby Doo Mystery. Zoinks.
On 03/5/08 at 7:49 am
kate said:
the beyonce picture always cracks me up. i love a sensitive guy but a cabbage patch doll? even i didnt have one. unless you count my sing-along big bird.
On 03/5/08 at 7:56 am
Kevin said:
Damn… I am getting destroyed for the Cabbage Patch doll.
On 03/5/08 at 7:54 am
Meghan said:
It’s a lock. This blog is nothing short of dead sexayy! Get some.
On 03/5/08 at 7:57 am
Kevin said:
My pimp hand is strong.
On 03/5/08 at 8:03 am
Fiona said:
So we share a love of Phantom? Sweet.
I have never participated in a gang rape either…. but that chick is asking for it.
Annnnd, I never had a cabbage patch kid *sniffle* I just wasn’t cool.
On 03/5/08 at 8:07 am
Kevin said:
I never knew gang rapists were all oiled up.
On 03/5/08 at 8:05 am
Meghan said:
Every boy I knew had a Cabbage Patch doll. My folks bought me one of the international ones that was a Russian with a furry hat and tassles and shit. Commie Pinko.
On 03/5/08 at 8:06 am
Kevin said:
In Russia Cabbage Patch Kids actually have cabbage heads.
On 03/5/08 at 8:08 am
Meghan said:
That.is.great.
On 03/5/08 at 8:06 am
Matty said:
My Cabbage Patch kid was the real life basis for that Geico commercial. Poor kid has to be about 23 by now.
On 03/5/08 at 8:08 am
Kevin said:
and missing an arm
On 03/5/08 at 8:46 am
Charlotte said:
I used to pretend my Barbies were talking smut to my brother’s GI Joes on their little pink phones. Ken, as expected, was completely clueless.
Admit it, that orange-haired doll is what started your whole “cut a hole in your pillow” practice.
I want our old Kevin back, this one is just like… Norman Bates creepy.
On 03/5/08 at 10:35 am
Kevin said:
Mother is that you
On 03/5/08 at 9:20 am
Deb on the Rocks said:
I knew gang rapists oiled up, to prevent their DNA from getting trapped in her fingernails. But I don’t think those oily gay guys are going to gang rape her–I think they are stealing her shoes. Still, if you have never stolen stilettos from a woman, you are golden.
On 03/5/08 at 10:35 am
Kevin said:
Ah…. glad you are here to educate me on gang rape
On 03/5/08 at 10:13 am
em em said:
I’ve never shanked anyone in a prison yard fight. There, I came clean.
I didn’t even have a cabbage patch kid, they were scary to me, but so you don’t feel so bad, two of my brothers got My Buddy dolls and learned that dolls don’t really do anything. I think they went stair surfing on theirs.
On 03/5/08 at 10:37 am
Kevin said:
Sadly, I have…
On 03/5/08 at 10:18 am
Tits McGee said:
And table runners? What do you think of those? The lacey ones that look like long doilies.
All the little boys I played with owned a My Buddy doll. We used to try to get him to make out with our cabbage dolls.
On 03/5/08 at 10:37 am
Kevin said:
Only gay guys like table runners… actually I have no idea what they are
On 03/5/08 at 10:31 am
Patty said:
You want to show a sensative side not totally gay.
On 03/5/08 at 10:39 am
Kevin said:
Damn… the pressure
On 03/5/08 at 10:57 am
sporkgasm said:
i had an extensive collection of alf memorabilia. i still do have dukes of hazzard dolls. does that make me butch? dude, don’t answer that.
On 03/5/08 at 11:58 am
Meghan said:
Oh my GOD! My ALF Doll!! I forgot about him. I miss my Garbage Pail Kids cards more than my Cabbage Patch dolls.
On 03/5/08 at 11:59 am
Meghan said:
And there may or may not be a box at my parent’s filled with all my strawberry shortcake dolls. Damn that Purple Pie Man…
On 03/5/08 at 12:15 pm
Sophia Sturges said:
I never had a Cabbage Patch doll, but my sister had a fake one. Yes, a fake one. But he was the best Cabbage Patch Doll I’ve ever seen. He was a baby Mr. T. He had the gold jewelry, army fatigues (and matching cloth diaper) and feather earring. He even had the yarn mohawk. I wonder if my parents still have him.
Years later, out of longing for a real one in her childhood I’m sure… My sister bought my daughter a real one. They stink. Literally–it smells like baby powder. My daughter doesn’t play with hers. It just sits in a drawer. Maybe someday she’ll think to use it as a crash test dummy as well. Incidentally, they made that one really good song “mmm mmm mmm.” Remember that?
On 03/5/08 at 12:32 pm
alicia said:
Coming clean with my hatred for Alf. I can’t stand Alf and I don’t know what the attraction is for some people.
You’re really cleaning up the blog lately. Perhaps it is a win/win? and I wish you luck with that girl of yours.
On 03/5/08 at 12:32 pm
dan said:
Kevin
Reading you for the first time at Bee’s recomendation. The pussy post from yesterday was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
On 03/5/08 at 12:40 pm
Kevin said:
Thanks Dan… subscribe, bookmark, don’t be a stranger… glad you liked it.
On 03/5/08 at 2:26 pm
bunny said:
i’m sorry but i’m a girl and i still can’t suffer any doilies. unless you’re a retiree or maybe a widower who wants to remember his dead wife by preserving the “look” of the home before she passed, doilies may infact raise a few eyebrows about your sexual preference. just saying…
and the guy in the jacket in the gang-rape picture is 104% GAY GAY GAY. i bet he masturbates with doilies.
On 03/5/08 at 2:37 pm
Karl Rove said:
Is it bad when a company is more known for their ads than their actual product (like Dolce & Gabbana)?
On 03/5/08 at 2:57 pm
Atenea said:
You like doilies? YAAAY! I make doilies, out of crochet! (I know, I can’t believe I just admitted that to another human being) Its actually my secret project. But if a guy I were dating were to make them, I’d dump his ass. I know, I’m sexist that way :P.
On 03/5/08 at 2:59 pm
Atenea said:
P.S.
The cabbage patch is good for giving people black eyes. Well, at least that’s what my brother did with his doll…to my eye.
On 03/5/08 at 4:21 pm
ettarose said:
Leave Kevin alone. He is a real person and he has had a hard life. Just leave him alone! (sob sob sob, tears and snot running, mascara everywhere)
On 03/5/08 at 11:31 pm
patrick said:
damn dude you are gay I just finished reading this and now i have to take a shower to get the gayness off
On 03/6/08 at 4:41 am
Cindy said:
Whoever you are, you bring Kevin back! I’ll cut you!
On 03/6/08 at 7:23 am
Danielle said:
I had a cabbage patch kid. I loved her so much I ended up drawing all over her face lol. But I thought Garbage Pail kids were especially hilarious
On 03/9/08 at 9:13 pm
Melissa said:
Doilies kick ass for hiding watermarks on tables and give the impression that you love your grandma enough to put out her arts and crafts nightmares. Snaps on the way to worm your way into the womanly heart. Sorry to say, that Dolce & Gabban ad looks more like she’s prepping for a gang bang over gang rape, the self lifted hips is a dead giveaway. But the Cabbage Patch doll…dude. Couldn’t you at least have said you hacked it to pieces and hung the parts from a tree in the front yard…or something less pansyish? I was only ever entrusted with one Barbie. Shaved the bitch’s head, cut off her hands and feet with a snake bite kit and tattooed her skinny white but with a Sharpie. No one ever bought me another. And I’m a GIRL.