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I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog too!

By: Bobby Finstock on 02/28/08 @ 6:36 am

It is no secret that I don’t like small dogs. Now when I say small dogs it isn’t like a beagle or dogs like that, I am talking about dogs that people carry with them as a personal accessory in Louis Vuitton bags or bring them wherever they go like a child. I don’t get how the rules of society go out the window when you have a small dog, like you can bring them anywhere just because they fit in a bag? They still bark, they still shit, the still piss, and people are still allergic to them but because you can toss them into a handbag you can bring it to a restaurant?

Well a victory was scored the other day for all of us small dog haters, of course two kids are going to need a massive amount of therapy for it which is a small price to pay.

My friend set me this story the other day: Snake Eats Family Dog as Kids Watch

Not only is there a story but they made sure to get a picture:

snake eating dog

Here are my favorite parts of the story:

“It actively stalked the dog for a number of days,” Douglas said.

“The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog’s bed, which was a sign it was out to get it,” he added.

“They should have called me then, but (the snake) got away and three or four days later, I was called and went around and removed it” after the dog had been killed, Douglas said.

By the time Douglas arrived, all that could be seen of the dog was its hind legs and tail.

The zoo manager, Todd Rose, said pythons squeeze their prey to death before swallowing it whole. The 5-year-old dog would have been suffocated within minutes.

“The lady who was there threw some plastic chairs at the snake, but you’ve got to remember that this is about 110 pounds of aggressive muscle,” Rose said.

I don’t know what I think is funnier the lady throwing plastic chairs at the snake thinking that it would do anything or the fact that the dog was actively stalked. One question I have is that if you see a huge ass snake around your yard, even sitting in your dog’s bed don’t you act with caution for a few days? You know like not letting your dog outside or your kids play in the backyard?

They should have called the Crocodile Hunter… whoops… my bad.

Well I am off to go play with my trouser snake.

How can anyone like small dogs?

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

57 Responses to “I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog too!”

  1. bethany says:

    Could you fucking warn those of us that have a phobia of those slimy things before you post a picture?

    I’m going to need therapy just by quickly scrolling down…

    Now as for the people with this predicament. You know, my Godmother saw a huge snake coming right towards me and her children when I was about five. Being the youngest and the smallest, they ushered me inside first… and my Godmother killed it with a hoe. (Calm your dirty minds, please…) THEN, she went and investigated what kind it was… all I remember was that it was HUGE and black..

    See, I knew I had smart people in my life..

  2. Meghan says:

    Ahhh! That picture! I refuse to own a small dog. I had Newfs and Black Labs growing up. Ever know anyone that owned a ‘Papillon’? That’s French for butterfly, and ‘Meghan’ for dog with better hair than me that pisses itself every time I reach down to pet it.

  3. Meghan says:

    And “about 110 pounds of aggressive muscle”…Oh my! I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

  4. Amanda says:

    Ew, that’s slightly creepy.

  5. Matty says:

    Plastic chairs stop aggression each and every time. Didn’t you know that? Snakes, bullies, Iraq invading Kuwait…

    • Meghan says:

      I agree! This Country has a egregious Defense Budget that makes me so mad I could just spit. **pit-too**. Sometimes, a plastic chair or a well thrown shoe by the right Infidel is really all that is needed.

      • kate says:

        plastic chairs, pink flamingos, and even a well thrown shoe are a whole lot better then what they are using now. and a helluva lot cheaper.

  6. Fiona says:

    Dumb people with dumb yappy dogs….. you would think it wouldn’t get close enough to get caught. Stupid dog.

  7. Harry P says:

    What the fuck is a a 16-foot python doing just strolling around and nobody paying any attention? A snake that size could have eaten the damn kids. Fuck the dog. Maybe, it’s an Australian thing but I can guarantee you if I ever saw a snake that big in my back yard, I would first shit myself, then I would call pest control or the closest neighborhood kid who loves def metal.

  8. shannon says:

    Dumb people! If I saw that bad boy hanging around um I think I would of called someone. Um hello. I don’t do small dogs. I have a white american bulldog. .. although I do think pugs are so fucking ugly that they are cute. But nah… that carrying dogs around in your purse is not me. I’m the tough dog type.

    Um nice pic.. ugs.

  9. kate says:

    the kids were auditioning to be the next crocodile hunter…lol

    seriously, we would have been eating bbq python that night when the snake was in the dog bed.

  10. Wendy says:

    It stalked the dog for days? Somebody and probably the dad, wanted that dog gone. Just sucks the kids had to see it.

    I had a burmese python when I was a teenager. We fed it mice, hampters, rabbits and abandoned kittens we kept finding dumped around our house.

  11. Mary says:

    We live in the country and when a snake found its way up through the pipes and into one of the kids beds, I decided it was time for the eterminator. My mama didn’t raise no fool. Sometimes you wonder what the hell people are thinking (or if they do at all.) Woof.

  12. Vince says:

    I am with you on the small dog hating. What is the point in having a dog if you have to do everything for it. My favorite thing to see though is these muscle head guys walking their girlfriends little dogs. They look so unhappy and it makes me laugh.

  13. em em says:

    If I saw a snake on the loose in or around my house I wouldn’t go back until it was gone and they’d have to show me pictures or videos to believe they actually got it. As for the dogs, I saw a guy in Home Depot the other day with a little dog under his arm, and a lady in Target with hers, and one in a small burger joint with another lady. I think it’s so uncouth to bring a dog into a store or restaraunt, I don’t have a problem with the dog, just a problem with people who think it’s appropriate to assume they can bring them everywhere.

  14. Mandygirl says:

    I watched this last night!

    Bwahahahahaha, ok no it’s not that funny.

    Yeah… it kinda is.

    They KNEW it was coming for it, they could have called someone! DUMBASSES!

    Hey, snakes gotta eat : p

  15. PitChik says:

    I like most small dogs, for dinner…ok jk. But in all seriousness, those people were stupid to let their dog or children in the backyard with a python back there. Geesh, that would be seein a tank barrellin down our street and look at my niece and say “ok munchkinbutt go play in the road!”

  16. supernik says:

    “The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog’s bed, which was a sign it was out to get it”

    the only thing funnier is that the family wasnt worried about a huge ass snake in their yard, me, myself, noone in my house (kids included) would be leaving the house till the damn thing was dead and hanging from a garden hoe or a gun!

  17. patrick says:

    iam a little confused by this story was it their pet snake that ate their dog. or someone elsess snake

  18. lori says:

    fuck those small dogs they are nothing but irritating ankle biters
    my 2 snakes, crocodile and 2 pitbulls we have as pets
    would eat those goddamned dogs for a snack

    i saw that story about the snake eating the little dog
    and said YES!

    the dumbasses let the snake in the dogs bed? seriously? come on now our snakes are locked up behind glass where noone but someone with a key can get to them
    our crocodile is in the same situation noone has access but us adults

    and our pitbulls arent the vicious killers everyone thinks they are

  19. penny lane says:

    you crack me up ~ i <3 u more than beer for making me laugh out loud at work… little dogs are stupid.

  20. Josh says:

    This is epic shit.
    I wonder what happened with the snake.

  21. sequoia says:

  22. Tori says:

    Hey fuckface, I have a small dog. And you better believe that I would fucking murder anything that tried to hurt her. I’m not even kidding.

    She doesn’t fit in my purse though. Not that I’ve tried. I just have a good sense of space.

  23. Dana says:

    As I do quite agree that “handbag dogs” are the stupidest thing since the oppposite of sliced bread, that made me die a little inside. But the bitch was dumb for not doing something when she saw a 110 lb snake chilling in her dogs bed. HER bad. But my soulless side did however laugh a little.

  24. Stephanie says:

    How do you watch a snake stalk your dog for days and not flip out? LOL

  25. alicia says:

    The guy is right, they should’ve called him sooner. But this just reminds me how much I hate my neighbors and their little bark-maggots. On second thought, these people are probably just a waste of good space, so good riddance I say. Now I’m off to get a big snake.

  26. Melissa says:

    I got big and little dogs and trust me, my little dogs are so vicious I wouldn’t dare put them in a purse and haul them around. Be like sticking my hand into a roto-rooter. Dogs = Yard. Size doesn’t matter.

    As for the snake, mo-fo be dead. I had a pet snake as a kid and my whiny male cousin screamed like a sissy and stomped it to death. I had it in a glass container on the floor while I cleaned its cage. But I’m pretty good about killing the poisonous ones around here, they kill barn cats. Grab the small ax from my fence mending case and “clop” snake be dead. 110-pound snake is my suze, what the blazes is wrong with these idiots?!?!

  27. patrick says:

    snake-1, dog-0. not a fan of small dogs either, but there are some obvious pet compatibility issues here. this article is def going around the office tomorrow…right around lunchtime. thx kevin!

  28. dave says:

    something tells me that little girl will end up in porn someday and the first story she tells on the Howard Stern show will be about watching her hairy little friend get destroyed by a huge snake…..oops….that was the story about her first time in the confessional with father joe

  29. Heart Shaped says:

    OMG! If I saw a snake this freaking size in my yard, I wouldn’t let my dog go outside at all. Nuts! How the hell did a snake that large get there? Wow.

  30. stephen says:

    i hate small dogs, i wish there was big snakes in england.
    the one down the street from me is kept outside and barks every moring at 6 am and im the only light sleeper in my street. all small dogs die.

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