A year and a half ago, the youngest of my five children died. My heart broke first, and then, six months after her death, my mind broke too, and in an unusual way, it might be said – or is there such a thing as losing your mind in an unusual way? Well, anyway, someone found my insane behaviour so disturbing and amusing that they chose to film me whilst I was enveloped in my psychotic state, and posted the resulting footage on the Internet for all to see.

The short film was very popular, and I travelled through six countries trying to escape a horrible and frightening ‘Internet Stardom’, with no success whatsoever…. and now, a year after the short film appeared on the Internet, nothing has changed, and maybe things are even worse. I feel imprisoned in my own home. People shout drunken abuse up at my bedroom window on a Friday and Saturday night. I desperately want to leave, but where can I go? Somewhere where there is no Internet, I suppose, if such a place exists.

My predicament became so unbearable that I very carefully planned to take my life, on Sunday the 24th August 2008, but I knew I couldn’t break the already broken hearts of my four children. I don’t want my children to be seen with me, since I fear there would be an impact on their lives, and I wonder if I will ever see them again. I used to be an artist, but I kind of lost the will to paint. The situation inspired me to write a book instead, and since I felt as if there was nothing left of me to lose, the book is very honest, and perhaps, like the short film, rather shocking too. There is a very definite message within the book, and I hope those who read it will stop to consider it closely. I have published the book, ironically perhaps, as an ‘e – book’. The book cover is from one of my old paintings. My ‘pen – name’ is only ‘Martin’ and I chose the title ‘Anonymity’ as I feel it’s a word that is now almost meaningless, yet it is something I so crave for. There is a direct link to the book at the foot of this page, or you can go to http://www.Lulu.com and find it there, under ‘literature and fiction’. You can read the first fifteen pages of the book for free. I hope you will enjoy the first fifteen pages so much that you will download the whole book – for £2.50 – so I can get the funds together to try to find that perhaps only mythical place on our earth, where I may once more achieve some kind of anonymity…..

For me, internet killed the video star!

also ruins my gettin stuck out in the rain

and it ruined wondering if i should bring sunblock with me in my purse

because weather.com is like an obbsession..

i wanna get stuck in the snow somewhere and have no clue it was comming…