5 Things the Interweb Has Ruined For Me
While I am a fan on the internet I have to say that sometimes too much of it is a bad thing, lately I have realized that the interweb has totally killed things that I used to find funny or that I liked. Just because I get overexposed to things and the joy is totally sucked out of them.
5. Anything Having to Do With Chuck Norris- Sure every once and awhile I like to come across some cinematic classics like Invasion USA or Delta Force on cable and sit down and watch a good old Chuck Norris ass kicking. But now that Norris has turned into an internet sensation these movies are ruined for me. In fact I can’t even watch him in the total gym commercials, which is just horrible for me because Christie Brinkley is like the first women I ever got a chubby to. Thanks for taking that part of my childhood and ruining it for me interweb.
Speaking of the total gym commercials did anyone notice that Wesley Snipes is on them now? Uh-oh looks like someone is whoring themselves out to pay some back taxes.
4. Porn- I’m not saying a look at a lot of porn or anything but growing up there was always something fun about looking at porn and feeling slightly dirty, like I wasn’t supposed to be looking at it and I was getting away with something. Now with the internet it is so accessible and I have had so much forwarded to me by my friends that it just has been overkill. Combine the accessibility to the scars I have from the “You Have Been Swanked” era of my life and porn is dead to me.
3. Motivational Posters- I used to love the fake motivational posters thing but now there are so many and most are poorly done that the comical value on them is way down. Lately they have been springing up all over the place and have officially replaced the cats from Icanhascheesburger.com as my new annoyance on the internet.
2. 300- I honestly didn’t want to see the movie just because of all these random made up images with the tagline “this is Sparta.” I almost boycotted it completely until I was home bored one day and gave in. I shouldn’t even say this just falls on 300 but just about any movie with some sort of geek following is totally raped and pillaged by the net. The entire Star Wars franchise is dead to me at this point because I am so sick of seeing crappy viral videos that have Star Wars references in them.
If the internet ever ruins Goodfellas for me I am going to go on a rampage.
1. Bestiality- Sure I could lump this in with porn but I felt that I should give it it’s own category. I don’t like or condone bestiality but I mean watching a girl blow a horse was something that was once gross and special and now it is commonplace, I don’t know if I want to live in a world where that is commonplace.
What has the internet ruined for you?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
On 02/25/08 at 6:28 am
bethany said:
The illusion of privacy…
Sorry, can’t bring the funny today.. hope all is going well with your unpacking / move.
On 02/25/08 at 6:53 am
Kevin said:
that was gone before the internet
On 02/25/08 at 6:48 am
BrentD said:
Mysteries.
It used to be that whenever I came across a profound metaphysical question, like who played bass for Sly and the Family Stone, I would mediate and ponder and eventually just make something up.
Now I just google it.
My innocence is gone.
On 02/25/08 at 6:52 am
Kevin said:
Making up the answer was a national pastime… sigh
On 02/25/08 at 7:18 am
Claire said:
The internet has ruined my birthday
On 02/25/08 at 12:27 pm
Kevin said:
awwwww
On 02/25/08 at 8:45 am
Amanda said:
The internet has ruined my ability to have a life outside of the computer
On 02/25/08 at 12:28 pm
Kevin said:
is there a world outside?
On 02/25/08 at 9:05 am
hands off the diet coke said:
I used to hang at the library. Now it’s passe.
On 02/25/08 at 12:30 pm
Kevin said:
So is crack but… you know
On 02/25/08 at 9:14 am
Lord Likely said:
Internets killed my mother.
Or was that Indians?
On 02/25/08 at 12:31 pm
Kevin said:
I thought it was child birth?
On 02/25/08 at 9:28 am
SoupNumber5 said:
The internet can also ruin relationships. for example, I kissed a girl my friend liked. And we had an AIM chat about it. So, as revenge he put that chat as his AIM away message. Thus my somewhat girlfriend at the time saw. Reading this comment, I now realized I ruined that myself. But the internet takes partial blame!
On 02/25/08 at 12:32 pm
Kevin said:
You can always blame the internet
On 02/25/08 at 9:32 am
kate said:
chuck norris, movie spoilers, and porn. i remember when it was cool to stay up and watch real sex.
On 02/25/08 at 12:32 pm
Kevin said:
I still do… shhh
On 02/25/08 at 9:36 am
em em said:
The internet quickly kills popular catch phrases. Seriously overusing terms like “douche” followed by anything, be it “bag”, “nozzle”,”waters” or “sicle”, also “tool” and “twat”, things of that nature, anymore to me it’s like hearing somebody call someone else a doody head. Dumb. Shock value is pretty much gone as well. Seriously nowadays if I hear about somebody holding their baby out of the window of a hotel, I’m like, “Really? I wonder if it’s supposed to rain today, do you think I should wear these shoes?”.
Annnnd, ever since seeing 300, I’ve been on a quest to find big hole to kick someone down and throw their friends in after them. I haven’t found one yet, but when I do, you’ll probably see it on the news, and not be shocked in the least.
On 02/25/08 at 12:33 pm
Kevin said:
I hate to see douches ruined
On 02/25/08 at 12:39 pm
em em said:
Yeah, ruined douches lead to unprevented stinky front bums. Yuck.
On 02/25/08 at 9:37 am
Meagan said:
If these don’t work, I declare myself to be a dumbass.
On 02/25/08 at 9:38 am
Meagan said:
Well none of the pictures uploaded so nevermind. -_-
On 02/25/08 at 12:33 pm
Kevin said:
damn you
On 02/25/08 at 10:43 am
Matty said:
Dating.
Internet dating is where desperate daters go to die.
On 02/25/08 at 12:34 pm
Kevin said:
Oh but the material
On 02/25/08 at 11:00 am
Shieldmaiden96 said:
Email.
Especially since I am acquainted with a world of humans who probably shouldn’t have internet access who forward me dire warnings about the toxicity of my cat spit and some child in Minnesota with a mayonnaise jar for a head collecting birthday cards and writing poems because his mother was killed by an exploding can of biscuits or somesuch. And, of course, that I should FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE I KNOW.
On 02/25/08 at 12:35 pm
Kevin said:
you have to love the urban legend e-mail
On 02/25/08 at 11:08 am
Isha said:
The internet has ruined the meeting of old classmates in the street. Cause whenever I see one, they know my life story somehow…..fucking myspace. ::privatizes page::
On 02/25/08 at 12:36 pm
Kevin said:
That is why you can’t search by my name on there.
On 02/25/08 at 11:25 am
scott said:
And all this time I thought it was called Beastiality!!
On 02/25/08 at 12:27 pm
Kevin said:
I know I thought it was as well but thank god for spell check
On 02/25/08 at 11:33 am
Gina said:
It ruined my appetite for sex. i.e.; 2 girls 1 cup
On 02/25/08 at 12:36 pm
Kevin said:
Liar…. it only enhanced it
On 02/25/08 at 11:54 am
Mandygirl said:
I too do not live in a world where it’s not shocking to see a girl do a horse. I seriously got a FOUR FRAME sequence of it forwarded to my phone and it didnt shock me like it used to. What’s this world coming to???
On 02/25/08 at 12:38 pm
Kevin said:
I don’t even cringe…. it is not good
On 02/25/08 at 1:39 pm
Mandygirl said:
Not good at all! I did cringe when I saw a picture in someones comments of a girl sucking a dogs.. um yeah. Ever seen that one??
THAT was scary looking. They even had socks on the dog… I guess to keep it from scatching her, they’d obviously been down that sick ass road before.
*shudder*
On 02/25/08 at 11:58 am
Mandygirl said:
*want to
lol
I’m hungover, kiss it : p
On 02/25/08 at 3:16 pm
Jay said:
the internet didn’t ruin anything for me, but Mandygirl did. I can’t think of anything else now but dogs in socks.
On 02/27/08 at 3:53 pm
Melissa said:
Yeah, seriously, they should have just bought it Muttluks, the cheap bastards.
On 02/25/08 at 3:47 pm
Meghan said:
I never really had much of an appreciation for Chuck Norris (it’s the 70’s porn beard, actually), or any of the above. Although - I used to love to checking out new Bands before I had MySpace. Now ever asshole with a guitar and a MS Paint CD Cover wants me to check out their ‘jams’. Gotta change that.
Good news - my odds at collecting money on behalf of Foreign Ministries, and adding 3iNch3$ to my p3N/$ have gone up 200%.
On 02/25/08 at 4:18 pm
suzy said:
the internet ruined my marriage as my (soon to be ex) husband found his new girlfriend on here!!! and kevin seriously, i thought you were so hot but now I know you find Icanhascheeseburger cats annoying!!! say it isnt so!!!!!!!!!!! lmao still a bit hot though!!!! lol xxx
On 02/25/08 at 11:53 pm
sporkgasm said:
c’mon, like you didn’t laugh still when you saw chuck norris standing behind mike huckabee while he was on the campaign trail? i almost fell off of my couch laughing.
i am with you on the motivational posters. but the jesus “ymca” one and the fro hat still make me laugh. oh and the “vagina: it’s not a clown car.” okay, maybe i’m not sick of them at all.
On 02/26/08 at 2:58 am
Alex L said:
Its ruined my ability to give a crap about supporting the musicians I like… I mean I try to care but piracy, god dam you gotta love free shit.
On 02/26/08 at 11:16 am
Marcie said:
the internet ruined my suprise on if im gonna be screwed if i forget to put my snow brush in my car…
also ruins my gettin stuck out in the rain
and it ruined wondering if i should bring sunblock with me in my purse
because weather.com is like an obbsession..
i wanna get stuck in the snow somewhere and have no clue it was comming…
On 09/9/08 at 2:24 am
Anon said:
Move to Colorado, you’ll wear shorts in the morning, and a windbreaker before noon.
On 02/26/08 at 4:54 pm
Infohound08 said:
Nothings ruined yet,but I’m sure thats right around the corner.
On 02/26/08 at 4:56 pm
Infohound08 said:
Oh,wait a minute to much info not enough time.
On 02/27/08 at 3:56 pm
Melissa said:
The Internet has ruined my bank balance. All the cool places to oreview and buy new porn at cheap prices. And eBay. Then all the cool B/DS&M gear shops you can’t find in the rusty Bible belt…sweet. I’m poor but got kick ass stuff.
On 03/1/08 at 9:34 pm
Fili said:
I laughed at #1 because it implies that the internet is the only reason why bestiality is bad. “Oh, it was good before. But now the internet RUINED IT!”
For me, internet killed the video star!
On 08/25/08 at 2:16 pm
Martin said:
Yes, the Internet has completely ruined my life, to the point where I was ‘sectioned’ and ended up spending some time in a mental institution.
A year and a half ago, the youngest of my five children died. My heart broke first, and then, six months after her death, my mind broke too, and in an unusual way, it might be said - or is there such a thing as losing your mind in an unusual way? Well, anyway, someone found my insane behaviour so disturbing and amusing that they chose to film me whilst I was enveloped in my psychotic state, and posted the resulting footage on the Internet for all to see.
The short film was very popular, and I travelled through six countries trying to escape a horrible and frightening ‘Internet Stardom’, with no success whatsoever…. and now, a year after the short film appeared on the Internet, nothing has changed, and maybe things are even worse. I feel imprisoned in my own home. People shout drunken abuse up at my bedroom window on a Friday and Saturday night. I desperately want to leave, but where can I go? Somewhere where there is no Internet, I suppose, if such a place exists.
My predicament became so unbearable that I very carefully planned to take my life, on Sunday the 24th August 2008, but I knew I couldn’t break the already broken hearts of my four children. I don’t want my children to be seen with me, since I fear there would be an impact on their lives, and I wonder if I will ever see them again. I used to be an artist, but I kind of lost the will to paint. The situation inspired me to write a book instead, and since I felt as if there was nothing left of me to lose, the book is very honest, and perhaps, like the short film, rather shocking too. There is a very definite message within the book, and I hope those who read it will stop to consider it closely. I have published the book, ironically perhaps, as an ‘e - book’. The book cover is from one of my old paintings. My ‘pen - name’ is only ‘Martin’ and I chose the title ‘Anonymity’ as I feel it’s a word that is now almost meaningless, yet it is something I so crave for. There is a direct link to the book at the foot of this page, or you can go to http://www.Lulu.com and find it there, under ‘literature and fiction’. You can read the first fifteen pages of the book for free. I hope you will enjoy the first fifteen pages so much that you will download the whole book - for £2.50 - so I can get the funds together to try to find that perhaps only mythical place on our earth, where I may once more achieve some kind of anonymity…..