I have “Groovy Kind of Love” by Phil Collins stuck in my head right now and I want to jump out the window to make it end. Instead I decided to write a blog answering the biggest question I have been asked all week, “What do you think about the Lohan pictures?”
There is no secret that I have had an obsession with that girl’s rack for a long time. It started way after he appearance in the remake of the Parent Trap, I just want to make that clear to everyone. So today I decided to address this issue and tackle a few more others with a fun little game of “Who Would You Do?”
The rules of the game are simple, I give you three people, give you a little rundown and in the end you leave me a comment with who would you do and why. Simple, fun, dirty, and delightful… that is the way I operate around here.
First Up: Vicki Iseman
Who is she: She works as a lobbyist and the New York Times recently had a story that she banged Presidential Candidate John McCain a few years ago to curry favor for the people she represented. Allegedly his staff told her to stay away from him and they also had a long talk with McCain saying that this could be a potential problem. Before people say this is a smear campaign, McCain retained a lawyer about a year ago to deal with this… so it isn’t exactly a surprise.
Positives: Anyone that is banging high-level politicians can probably suck a golf ball through a garden house, right Monica?
Also you don’t get to the level she is at in the Washington without being bent over a desk or two…. Er… I mean… I am sure she is really good at her job.
Drawbacks: Her eyes are too far apart, she almost looks like those composite alien drawings that people that have been abducted and anally probed make.
Next: Lindsey Lohan
Who is she: Coke whore, singer, actress, and all around gossip column queen, to quote Biggie, “If you don’t know now you know.”
What I think: Lohan recently posed nude and it has been the hot topic on the interweb all week, well that and the Gene Simmons sex tape. Let me say one of these things makes me want to cut my dick off. Hey Gene, just so you know if you are making a sex tape and need to wear a shirt to hide your flab you probably shouldn’t be making said sex tape. Who wears their shirt during sex unless it is a quickie? Come on Gene.
Anyways, back to Lohan’s breasts… In the spread she recreates the last photo shoot that Marilyn Monroe ever did as Monroe “overdosed” on barbiturates a short time later. (Or was killed by the Kennedy family, whatever.) Some call it pathetic and a desperate way to gain publicity and some might say it is foreshadowing, why does it have to be “either/or” can’t it be a combination?
I have to say that this was a day I have long waited for, while the breasts didn’t disappoint the whole wig thing freaked me out and turned me off. Personally I wanted to see those bad boys with her fire crotch exposed and the drapes matching the carpet, instead I feel like this whole experience was tainted. It ranks up there with finding out that Santa wasn’t real and that roofies aren’t socially acceptable.
Finally: A Young Willie Aames
Who is he: He was in freaking Charles in Charge, Eight is Enough, and Paradise with Phoebe Cates which was kind of like a rip off of the Blue Lagoon. Here is a brief description of Paradise:
David and Sarah travel with a caravan from Baghdad to Damascus. At an oasis the white-slave agent ‘Jackal’ raids them, mainly to add the beautiful young Sarah to his harem. Only David and Sarah can flee, all the others are slayed. Their flight leads them to a beautiful oasis – their paradise – where they discover love and sex. However the jackal hasn’t given up on Sarah yet…
I love the descriptions on IMDB.com, it makes me feel like I have a grasp of grammar. Anyways, if that doesn’t say fine cinema I don’t know what does.
Why is he here: I felt kind of weird that there wasn’t a guy involved for the ladies to choose. I don’t want to force you into hardcore lesbianism. So I decided to go with the first guy I could think of and it happened to be Willie Aames. I don’t know what this says about my brain or my thought process… But what the hell?
So who would you do?
This is going up at humor-blogs.com
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