The Quality of Your Cities Craigslist Hookers is Proportionate to the Quality of the Women in Your City- The Boston Review
For those of you who remember I did a groundbreaking study on this subject when I moved to Buffalo in the summer, in order to understand rest of this blog you should my initial research here. There are charts, pictures of hookers, and jokes about world leaders on that page, what isn’t there to love?
Now that I have moved to Boston I had to forecast the quality of the women here and I immediately went to craigslist to apply my theory. Here are the results of my survey.
Chantell
Apparently Chantell was at the opening of the Ark of the Covenant at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark because her face has totally melted off. That concerns me a little bit because she lists her age as 21 and that event happened long ago.
“Sexy Blonde”
This girl lists herself as “sexy blonde”. I don’t know about you but I don’t find anything sexy about someone with a giant white block on their head. I mean if you were just going to totally white out your face why not to it in an interesting way? Like wearing a Michael Myers mask?
Nothing says hot sex more than a mask that was molded from William Shatner. In fact nothing says hot sex more than William Shanter, I know all you ladies sit at home watching this video playing with the little man in the boat.
Chyna
Hmmm, another girl that doesn’t have a face. This is a little troublesome to me that none of the women in Boston have faces. Well like my friend that dates ugly girls used to say, “you don’t fuck the face.” Actually maybe that was Father Bishop from Church when I was little… I’ve blacked it all out. Also I would like to further point out her name: Chyna. Whenever I see that name my dick recoils in fear thinking of:
Just say no to lip injections.
Vanessa
On my fourth try I found yet another girl without a face. I think I read somewhere that four examples is enough for a complete statistical certainty but then again I barely passed my stats class. Anyways I am going to go with my first instinct and say that four does count as a good base.
My final conclusion is that women in Boston don’t have faces. So I think it is going to be awfully hard to date here since people just have white blocks or gelatinous melting faces. Looks like I need to go cut a hole in a pillow and give it some jail house lovin’.
Do hookers in the erotic services section of your local craigslist have faces?
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On 02/21/08 at 7:41 am
Meghan Lawrence said:
The little man in the boat…I’ve never heard that expression. Your blog is both educational and anthropologically groundbreaking. If you’re shooting for hookers, aren’t you really only going to see the tops of their heads anyway?
On 02/21/08 at 7:53 am
Kevin said:
Well I am not shooting for hookers, I am using this as a base to judge rest of the city.
On 02/21/08 at 8:37 am
Charlotte said:
Note to the women of Boston…
Rather than blank out your face with a simple smudge, try covering it with a giant mandarin orange in Photoshop. I hear some guys find them irresistable.
On 02/21/08 at 9:26 am
Kevin said:
cater to my addiction
On 02/21/08 at 9:07 am
JiMoe said:
A lot are missing faces and heads. lots of asses though.
On 02/21/08 at 9:26 am
Kevin said:
Apparently there is no shortage of that
On 02/21/08 at 9:10 am
scott said:
OK I’ve never been on Craigslist until now and only 1 or 2 in the pocono’s show their face and they weren’t that good!!
On 02/21/08 at 9:26 am
Kevin said:
oh you are so missing out
On 02/21/08 at 9:16 am
Claire said:
lol at mandarin head comment
No craiglist over here, but if you watch the tv show Shameless then you have an idea of what the hookers look like around here.
On 02/21/08 at 9:25 am
Kevin said:
What the hell is Shameless?
On 02/21/08 at 10:43 am
Claire said:
A tv show that is perfect for you
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shameless_(UK_TV_series)
On 02/21/08 at 9:21 am
penny lane said:
the hookers in indy just have summa teeth. summa there, summa not. but most of them have faces… (cut a “whole” in a pillow… seems tough.) <3 miss grammar
On 02/21/08 at 9:25 am
Kevin said:
fixed… my bad
On 02/21/08 at 9:50 am
Tori said:
I would love to look, but I can’t do that at work. That just seems…like I want to get fired, actually. But I bet that there are some terrifying hookers here. Especially in Boulder.
On 02/21/08 at 10:26 am
Trista said:
Thank you for reminding me that I need to go place an add on craigslist for my new back door girl.
What? It’s a prestigious position!
On 02/21/08 at 10:39 am
Duane said:
Eh, mine have faces (except for the ones who just have a picture of their ass). I remember a real hooker flashing her tits at me as I drove by in sub-zero weather. We got those hard-core hoes.
On 02/21/08 at 11:15 am
Matty said:
Looks like your pillow will be taking a relentless pounding out there.
On 02/21/08 at 12:33 pm
Ally said:
LOL Vegas craigslist hookers have faces, boobs, money shots, etc… I have not seen melted faces or block heads, BUT Ths is the land of hookers so I dont think you can go by that
Good luck find a non block head, non melted face having girl you pillow abuser!! 
On 02/21/08 at 1:27 pm
Karl Rove said:
Having lived in Boston for a while, I can safely tell you that your conclusion is accurate. Women in Boston don’t have faces.
The official story as to why is unclear, but one theory is that when the Red Sox won in 2004 that many people’s faces exploded due to the sheer unlikelyhood of the event.
On 02/21/08 at 1:28 pm
James said:
Im really disappointed that you have nothing about Lindsay Lohan going nude in New York Magazine.
On 02/21/08 at 1:38 pm
Kevin said:
I am torn on the whole thing…. I have wanted to see those tits forever and when I finally do she has this crappy blond wig on
On 02/21/08 at 2:17 pm
James said:
so, it still gives you enough to study. She clearly isnt as pretty as she used to be. But theres enough evidence of her boobs to come up with something
On 02/21/08 at 4:52 pm
Mandygirl said:
Baltimore looks to atleast have faces… lol
I have never looked at this section at all!
On 02/21/08 at 10:06 pm
VE said:
Perhaps that is what they are looking for…their faces. I’ve seen a few faces on milk cartons but I never thought to try and match the two…
On 02/22/08 at 12:56 pm
tiffany p. said:
well, most of the ads had been flagged for removal.
apparantly fort myers florida is a puritanical state.
the ones that were still there either had NO head, or really pretty girls’ faces.
interestingly, the ones that showed their faces had their hands covering their boobs, or they had on lingerie.
i stopped when i read one ad that promised full G/F/E. i couldn’t wrap my brain around that abbreviation so i’m all done now.
On 02/23/08 at 1:47 pm
laura said:
I’d check both of the Chyna’s for extras. Unless you’re into the whole chicks with dicks thang………just sayin’……………
On 02/26/08 at 4:50 pm
Infohound08 said:
I never thought of it like that.Man I gotta move and I mean quick Ha Ha Ha !!!!!!!!!!!!
On 03/19/08 at 2:46 am
pigassus said:
in my opinion,the face is very important,specially if she gives u a BJ ; the one with big lips is not bad for that purpose.