I already know how I am going to die
No this isn’t a suicide note… don’t get excited.
I have to say one of the things that bring me joy everyday is reading about the dumb ways that people die. It’s not like I seek out these stories due to some sick perversion in order to achieve an erection or morbid curiosity, when they happen to make the front page of yahoo or cnn.com I just happen to read them. I shouldn’t laugh about a man getting killed by a cork from a bottle of wine but I do.
Sure I feel bad for the person and their family but a little piece… okay a rather large piece still gets a pretty big chuckle out of it. Because of this fucked up point of view I am convinced karma is going to bite me in the ass one day knock me off in the dumbest way possible.
Personally my biggest fear with this is dying while nude and in the process of getting killed have something lodged in my ass. Like I don’t want to slip in the shower and crack my head open while landing on a bottle of shampoo that gets shoved into my keyster. Imagine the amount of office jokes that will spread around when it makes the front page of cnn, even worse would be if it was a bottle of head and shoulders.
“I guess he finally found a cure for the dandruff in his ass hair.”
How bad would that suck?
Dennis Leary has a bit where he talks about like a poodle falling from a building and killing a man, and then having that person being glossed as the “poodle man”. I am not really worried about the nickname but about the thousands of potential jokes that could be made about my death. You know that half of them won’t be funny and there is nothing worse than being mocked by someone that isn’t funny.
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Anyways on a side note this is my last weekend in Buffalo. For those of you who don’t know I have accepted a job in Boston that is an amazing opportunity in the world of social media. This week I also found out that I would be able to finish grad school remotely, which is sweet.
Early next week I will probably be without net access, I am going to prewrite some blogs to go up but that means I won’t be putting a link up on myspace. So please take a second to bookmark my page or subscribe to the RSS feed of the site. You can do that by clicking the icon in the url bar or signing up via e-mail on the sidebar.
So yeah I better get packing, I have six whole boxes packed. While I have stacked the boxes in a cool manner making my limited work look impressive I know I have a lot more to do.
Now who would really get excited about your death?
I am really beginning to think that showers are not a safe place for you at all, maybe its time to invest in a bath instead?
Have fun packing
You would be surprised.. I have at least 10 people openly rooting for it.
I think I might need to make that switch.
well u wouldnt to be able to live up ur 15 minutes of fame
that is no good
hope your journey is a safe one. my days would be missing a good 15-30 minutes of entertainment without you, your death would be a very sad occasion
Aw thanks. I am not saying this is going to happen soon.
or maybe they would consider it an ass-rape homicide & your accidentally death would spawn a nation-wide man hunt for the lunatic raping straight men in showers then clubbing them over the head.
good luck with the move, new england clam chowder is the best…
that is why you should always take baths, or at least hire a pretty home health aide nurse to keep a eye on you! Have fun packing, i think honestly that is the worst part of moving, along with unpacking.
Congrats! Did you hear about the lady who was electrocuted while having sex? she was into getting shocked while doing the nasty with her man. Shocked herself a little long then needed and died.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0125081dryer1.html
I hate cardboard cuts.
I still say the reigning champs of the Darwin Award Deaths are the ones that put themselves into the way of death by stupidity. For instance, the brilliant chap who after a day of pouring gasoline down a culvert and blasting chicken carcasses ito the air decided he could live through the same and blew his butt over his house while his friends watched…and cheered. Have to go a long way to beat that one.
At Rose Hills, in Whittier, CA, there was a funeral going on at the gravesite. A work truck was parked near by, and the emergency break gave out, crashing into the gravesite. I could help but invision people flying everywhere in the wake of the truck, and possibly, someone, landing in the grave. It was an amusing story, that I shall surely go to Hell for laughing at.
Head and shoulders in the ass would be a bad way to go! From now on, sit in the shower! Have a good move!!
I get more worried about anything questionable in my apartment after I die. I may pass in a clean or acceptable, yet tragic way. But all that goes out the window if when they come to clean out my belongings they find battery operated what-nots or tubes of slippery such-and-such. Not that I have anything like that. I think I need to do some Spring Cleaning…
“battery operated what-nots or tubes of slippery such-and-such” haha. I’m pretty sure you’d be flagged as normal heh
I am the queen of making minimal work look impressive.
a friend of mine is a nurse in the local ER.. she always has inrteresting stories.. the worst story ever.. ready for this.. a guy comes in with a plunger handle up his ass.. wait… not just up his ass, but all the way up into his body..
here, he was standing on the side of the bathtub, hangin on to the shower rod.. enjoying his plunger like we never imagined was possible, when the curtain rod broke……… he died from internal injuries..
thats sum sick shit
I think the worst would be to die with a large vibrating dildo up your butt.
Mayne that’s just me.
Although nobody likes a snitch, I thought I’d take my chances of being called a rat and let you know somebody is stealing you’re written words for this post.
http://ultimatesatisfaction.wordpress.com/2008/02/15/pointless-banter/
Bee
got to love that
Sorry, not “you’re” should “your”, it’s too fuckin’ early.