The Green Booger Girl Chronicles Part 3
To read the first two parts of the series, click here.
The green booger girl and I had reached a stage where… wait let me rephrase that. I had reached a stage where I need to start sticking my penis into something. Going home with blue balls from intense make out sessions on the couch for seven months was driving me to the point where I was starting to have wet dreams again. I had enough sperm built up in me to spackle an entire side of a house. (Who says stucco housing isn’t in anymore?)
With all the rumors about her having a lesbian “friend” and the fact that the little general was still held up at port I needed to sit her down and have a talk. Eventually the subject of sex was brought up and it was probably one of the top five weirdest and most uncomfortable conversations I have had or will ever have. The range of topics went from the denial of lesbianism, to if she was a virgin or not (apparently that was a no), to the fact that she is Catholic (wait didn’t you already have sex?), to she felt like things were being rushed.
While I was young, I wasn’t totally stupid. (Ignore the fact I dated her seven months, I had a moment of clarity.) I broke up with her and I told her that I felt like I was being dragged along and that I was a cover for something else that was going on. A few weeks later I started dating another girl and that lasted like a week, a month after that I was back with green booger girl and she was ready to play some ball. Now I know you are all making fun of me for going back to green booger girl but the facts were this: she had a car and I didn’t, her parents always bought me stuff, and I hated being at my house. In my mind at the time these were all good reasons for me to get back together with her.
One night after about a year of dating it finally happened, the little general came out to play and stormed the field. It was on the floor of her living room with her parents’ two rooms over in their bedroom. I think it was due to the fact that I went down on her and was probably down there a good fifteen minutes, I just wasn’t sure what else to do. She probably felt obligated at that point because she didn’t give head. (This is a running theme with just about every girl I dated for years.) It might have lasted a minute if I was lucky, but it was over, I finally had become a man.
Now normally this would open the door for crazy amounts of teen sex. Two weeks after we had initially slept together we were riding home from a school event on a bus (I think it was the senior cruise or something like that) and I whispered something dirty in her ear. At that point she turned around and told me that, “the only thing I thought about was sex.”
Now this put me in a situation where I had my appetite teased with sex and had “girlfriend” that no longer wanted to have it and really kind of never wanted to in the first place because she was dating a girl. Well school ended, we graduated and promptly broke up… It was an interesting summer that year, I learned a lot of lessons about myself. One of the lessons I learned was that there were a lot of girls that would have slept with me during high school that I never even thought about. (Which was a shock to me at that point.) The second biggest lesson was that when you get to college it is like hitting a giant reset button. Over that summer I met two girls at college orientation that were both into me and I was pretty much set up to date either of them when we got to school… We will tackle that in the final part of the series…
Next: It took me forever to actually learn a lesson.
How shitty was your first time?
Hehe, I love the ad at the bottom of the blog. Perfect. “Lesbian of Bi? Meet Her Today!”
my first time was the best and its been like a roller coaster ride ever since
there was that time with my ex, we were in the middle of doing it when geraldo rivera comes on tv talking about male birth control. yeah…that ruined it for the night
i’m from the south, so my 1st time was in my boyfriend’s friend’s TRAILER in july. can you spell hot & sweaty and NOT in a good way? disaster…
Mines a little effed up.
My ex-girlfriend (few days ago), she wanted to wait till she was married, so whatever.
She started getting death threats from something, and she just said “fuck it”, and we got a condom and had sex in my living room one night.
my first time was in a basement, while Jay Leno was on TV. That was 7 years ago. I still can’t watch Jay Leno without feeling like I want to vomit.
I was one of those girls who only did anal because that’s not really losing your virginity. haha That only lasted a few times before we really “did it”. My first time was when I was 16 and we were in my friend’s bedroom making out. It hurt like hell and I think I cried. LOL I’m surprised I ever did it again! Of course looking back on it he wasn’t as experienced as he thought he was.
My first time itself was great, however, getting caught lying about where I was that night when I got home was not so great. They didn’t know what I was doing, but I got grounded for three weeks just the same. It was a lot more dramatic than this summary of it, my poor little 16 year old heart almost gave out because I thought my dad who is one of my favorite people, but also at the time was a warden on the weekdays and a preacher on the weekends, knew what I was doing and I thought I was going to be in much bigger trouble than I was.
Hahahaha! That was funny and there is no way in hell Imma gonna tell you about my first time, lol
My first time was with my first boyfriend. He was a sweetheart but was very weird. He used to wear skirts and stuff and he was 5′2″. One day my best-friend had this bright idea that we should go to my house and watch porn on one of those days that we didnt have school and of course our parents didnt know. My dad didnt come home till 7 pm so it seemed like a good idea to go there with our boyfriends. So we did. Watched the porn, then I went to take a shower. My bf followed. With his short and very frail looking frame, he was hiding a fuckin anaconda…..he’s a black puerto rican and it was dark, big and scary. I didnt know what to do with it. We went to my bed after the shower and he humped my nether regions. I didnt know what the hell he was doing he was just all over the place. Then my friend walks in……and starts craaacking up. Worst fuckin time ever!
good god, now im having flash backs.
I’d rather not mention my first time, except his name was the same as mine, Terry is my real name and so was his. He was a creep and I still see him around town, and he mentions it…what a loser…ok ..enough with the criticism…great post !!!
College orientation is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?
How shitty was my first time? Gee, I don’t remember. I didn’t mentally block it out or anything. It’s just that I was unconscious for the majority of the time. (The chloroform knocked me flat on my ass.) Also, the poly rope that Uncle Larry tied me up with made my wrists sore, but the chicken suit was a unique twist.
Happy Valentines Day!
My first time was no big deal. At a friends house in her room. It wasn’t very good, because it was the first time, but que sara…
However there was the time that, same guy, and I were at my house without the parents being home. We thought it was all cool until my dog got us in trouble. This is the god’s honest truth, I swear on the life of my kids, my dog had eaten a large container of Vaseline and it had been thrown away in the bathroom. When my parents came home, saw the empty container, picked it up, and found our condom. *sigh* You might say, the dog gave away my “homework”…LOL. Good times
it happened at my gfs house about a couple months of dating i lasted about 20 min due vodka
well at least your lesson didnt cost you about 300,000 over 7 years. Thank god you got away from that man hating lesbo before she took your money and your dignity. wish i could say the same. I think Iam going to watch lesbo porn and yell at them to stop
I will never look at a stucco house the same way again.
If you still say your first time was ‘great’, then you probably haven’t had very good sex since. First times are nervous, quick, sneaked, shitty or something equally awkward. Mine was my first. Thats all it was. If it had been ‘wonderful’ or ‘amazing’ it would probably mean the guy was really experienced, and that takes all the teenage embarrassment out of it.
I prefer your ‘first time’ story and the fictional ones I create. Trust me, you don’t want the details.