A Straight Male Looks At Grammy Fashion
One of my favorite things about award season is breaking down the fashion choices of those involved and giving a straight guys take on it. Now remember I can barely dress myself, the idea of color coordination is foreign to me, and I probably shop once a year. With that being said my opinion rules all.
Amy Lee from a band that is really a Christian rock band but refuses to admit it
I thought at one point in my life she was hot in a wanna be goth type of way, I take it all back. She looks lumpy and disproportionate. I would place a bet that she will be looking like Kirstie Alley in ten years, that isn’t a compliment if you were wondering.
Cher
I guess taste doesn’t get better with age. What the hell is she wearing? It looks like the Robert Patrick Terminator from Terminator 2 melted all over her and froze then she threw on some crappy boots and walked out of the house. Does she even have makeup on? Honestly at a certain point performers need to learn when to hang it up, just for sake of dignity. I would include the Rolling Stones, The Beastie Boys, Cher, and anyone from the Jackson family on that list.
Chris Brown
Wow, I mean I guess it is good that the tux doesn’t have tails to it. Is that a BMW logo on his belt? Is he trying to blend in with the carpet like a secret agent? It reminds me of the movie Clear and Present Danger, I am half expecting a Marine to be walking the read carpet and someone screaming, “Sniper at your feet.” The Marine would then poke the ground to see if it is Chris Brown magically hiding amongst the red carpet. Wow, I have no idea what I just said, maybe I smoked whatever Chris Brown did before choosing what to wear.
Fantasia
Every time I see Fantasia I can’t help but think that she is like ten minutes away from being a waitress at Denny’s. Actually Denny’s wouldn’t hire her because they are really racist, so maybe she could land a job at the International House of Pancakes. Seriously at some point you would think someone would maybe mix in a make over or suggest some tattoo removal.
Fergie
Well at least she isn’t orange for tanning incidents gone wrong like her FHM spread years ago. I have to say though while the dress isn’t bad Fergie just doesn’t look like a human being, there is something about her face that makes me think she is an alien or something. I don’t know what it is, the nose, her ridiculously high eyebrows, or maybe it is the location of her eyes. She is just not a human being.
Rihanna
I don’t get it. When you wear something that no teenage girl would even consider for a prom can you be voted to never return to a red carpet event? It looks like bottom half of the dress was ripped off of it. Too bad they didn’t take that ripped off part and cover the hideous top half.
Seal
It doesn’t matter what he wears, I still have to look at his face. And are his shoes Velcro? Is he 90 or living in a group home with other mentally challenged individuals? Growing up I knew a kid with downs syndrome and he could even handle tying his own shoes.
Carrie Underwood
Well it is nice to know where my grandmother’s old drapes went.
Taylor Swift
I have no idea who you are but I want to.
So what are your takes on the fashion hits and misses at the Grammy Awards?
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On 02/12/08 at 7:27 am
Meghan said:
Ok, Fergie - GREAT body she works ridiculously hard on. She still looks like a dolled up Meth Addict from the diamond necklace up. I guess it’s good she traded Meth for Botox and Collagen addictons - but now she has that plastis Rene Russo face. She’s one chemical peel away from Melissa, perhaps Joan Rivers. In 10 years she is going to look like that Brazilian/NYC Socialite who transformed her face into a Lioness.
On 02/12/08 at 7:35 am
Kevin said:
Rene Russo is a good comparison
On 02/12/08 at 7:27 am
Meghan said:
Jocelyn Wildenstein is her name - why do I know these things??
On 02/12/08 at 7:35 am
Kevin said:
You need help
On 02/12/08 at 7:39 am
Sarah said:
how do you not know who taylor swift is?
On 02/12/08 at 7:49 am
Kevin said:
Because I would rather break my own neck trying to blow myself than listen to country music.
On 02/12/08 at 7:40 am
Sarah said:
oh yeah, and she’s 17
On 02/12/08 at 7:50 am
Kevin said:
One.more.year.
On 02/12/08 at 1:58 pm
Tori said:
Nope, she just turned 18. She’s also huge…like 5′11″, but have at it Kevin.
On 02/12/08 at 7:44 am
Meghan said:
If I see anyone like Taylor Swift and I don’t know who she is I just assume American Idol. American Idol?
On 02/13/08 at 1:49 am
tiffany p. said:
nope not american idol.
just a young singer that writes her own stuff and got lucky with a song about Tim McGraw.
On 02/12/08 at 7:59 am
Fiona said:
I think it’s Fergie’s mouth, she also reminds me of that muppet chick with the blonde hair….
Rihanna has once again made this Bajan hang her head in shame. Fuck, we have so many talented performers here and THAT’S what mainstream America wants? For fucks sake people…. Umbrella!?!?!
On 02/13/08 at 1:50 am
tiffany p. said:
god i HATE that effing song.
i mean, SERIOUSLY??
how does THEE number one annoying song of 2007 get so much damn accolade?? ella ella ella eh eh eh.
shut up!!!!!!
On 02/12/08 at 8:12 am
kate said:
i’m still laughing my ass at kanye west’s speech. i might sound mean but people lose their parents on almost a daily basis. say what you gotta say before the wrap it up music starts playing and leave the damn stage. kelis and her n-word jacket. taking ’stand by your man’ to a whole nother level.
On 02/13/08 at 11:17 am
Social Citizen said:
I couldn’t agree with you more. I think Kanye West is a self-centered, conceited individual. I’m not negating his talent, but I hate seeing people like him being rewarded.
On 02/12/08 at 8:31 am
David said:
Kevin back to Seal. Does it bother you that he’s married to Heidi Klum yet his face looks like he was a goalie for a dart league? Well it does me!
On 02/12/08 at 8:36 am
Kevin said:
I lose sleep over it… I just don’t get it
On 02/13/08 at 1:52 am
tiffany p. said:
real name: Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel.
As a young man, Seal was diagnosed with the skin condition discoid lupus, which left him with distinctive facial scars on his upper cheeks.
wikipedia is frightening.
On 02/12/08 at 9:10 am
Stephanie said:
I’m still laughing at Chris Brown’s outfit!!
On 02/12/08 at 10:12 am
Tricia said:
I’ve always liked Fergie because I grew up watching “Kids Incoperated” and she played Stacy- yes I am a dork haha
On 02/12/08 at 10:14 am
Tricia said:
kids incorporated…I hate when I misspell
On 02/12/08 at 10:54 am
sporkgasm said:
oh man, the cher dress comment is spot on. hilarious. that last woman’s dress is the only one that isn’t hideous. i don’t watch the grammies as there usually isn’t a single artist on there that doesn’t make me want to plug my ears and scream “la la la” the whole time they’re on, so thanks for the fashion breakdown.
On 02/12/08 at 11:05 am
Bonnie said:
I think you are 100% accurate on everything… that is except for Taylor Swift.
You would be arrested for stuatory rape. I think she is only like 16.
On 02/13/08 at 1:53 am
tiffany p. said:
she turned 18 in December.
it’s go time.
On 02/12/08 at 11:43 am
Matty said:
Did they break out Dave Chappelle’s “Wrap it up” button during the show?
On 02/12/08 at 12:38 pm
Shieldmaiden96 said:
Matty, considering it dragged on for about three and a half hours, no.
I just want to understand why famous people lack that sense that something looks horrible on them. If I can stand in the dressing room at American Eagle and say, “Nope, not flattering,” why the hell can’t they tell when they look like a puppet show version of Yellow Submarine on Louboutins?
On 02/12/08 at 12:57 pm
Stellare said:
Refreshing comments! Your opinion being as valuable as any others. Straight or not.
Entertaining it was.
On 02/12/08 at 8:43 pm
Kevin said:
Glad you enjoyed it
On 02/12/08 at 1:07 pm
Mndygirl said:
Have you ever seen Fergie before all the plastic surgery, good LAWD it’s a totally different person
On 02/12/08 at 1:41 pm
MAndygirl said:
http://www.inreview.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=541302
THEN
http://www.inreview.com/attachment.php?s=&postid=541303
She has had her massive cheek implants and lip injections, and maybe her chin too?
On 02/12/08 at 8:43 pm
Kevin said:
Holy crap
On 02/12/08 at 2:45 pm
Dee said:
I think the whole fashion this is dumb… Kevin.. here is a question for you..
If you slept with a hooker and it wasn’t consensual does that mean its rape or was it shoplifting?
On 02/12/08 at 8:46 pm
Kevin said:
Oh wow… that is a toughie… we should ask Elizabeth Shue in Leaving Las Vegas
On 02/12/08 at 8:54 pm
LoneStarBrit said:
I guess it all depends on whether you actually paid or not
On 02/12/08 at 8:23 pm
Winter said:
I’d like to comment but I’m still choking over Fergie and plastic surgery. I never knew! I swear! Why anyone would get plastic surgery just to get Josh Duhamel with his teeny tiny dick is beyond me.
On 02/12/08 at 11:19 pm
Ann Clemmons said:
Kevin, I hate to disappoint but I wasn’t paying attention to Grammy fashion this year…However, I will say I laughed all the way through your post. For one thing, I didn’t know who Cher was (LOL) so I kept looking at the picture thinking, “Who in the world is that?” until I read your passage…so thank you. (Laughing) In addition thanks for explaining her dress…
Ann
On 02/13/08 at 12:40 am
Brandi said:
THANK YOU for being a straight male and not drooling over Fergie. Her face is so gross. And she pees herself. Go ahead… google image “Fergie pee” and see what you get. I dare you.
On 02/13/08 at 11:19 am
Social Citizen said:
While I don’t think Fergie is any way attractive, she is actually a pretty interesting person. She was on the view last week, and was quite entertaining.
On 02/13/08 at 11:47 am
Zack said:
Fergie looks like a big banana…
On 02/13/08 at 9:04 pm
trish said:
hey kev~ that girl that you want to know is taylor swift a 16year old country singer. she has an amazing voice. i have to disagree with you on fergie dude i think she is beautiful!
On 02/15/08 at 4:11 pm
Joanna said:
I think Seal looks like a black Colonel Sanders (KFC) who was an old man who would probably wear old-man velcro shoes.
On 02/18/08 at 12:42 pm
Dobie said:
LOL! Though I must agree, Fergie though hot-ish is totally an effing ALIEN!
On 02/19/08 at 11:04 pm
Kali said:
Is Fantasia standing in the wax museum?
On 02/22/08 at 4:33 pm
Natural Woman said:
This is why I don’t want to be rich and famous. You lose your mind. What the freak! Poor people dress the best at least trying to look like they have something when they don’t.
On 03/19/08 at 8:15 pm
Kassie said:
Ewww I hate Taylor Swift. Her face is gross and pinched up. Ick. I don’t like Rihannna either, but I think her dress is cool.