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I Never Want to Dream Again: A Liza Minnelli Sex Dream By Mistake

By: Bobby Finstock on 02/11/08 @ 7:28 am

In the past I have talked about how I lucid dream and feel like I am living the dream while it is happening. While I have had some cool dreams like robbing Sam’s Club with Samuel L Jackson involved or watching a girl I like make out with a hot actress none of them emotionally scared me when I woke up. This morning I woke up and thought about how I could possibly bleach my brain. Here is why:

The dream starts out and I am in a nice apartment, I am walking around and see someone on a computer. I walk over to them and it is Liza Minnelli, sobbing uncontrollably at this computer desk. Minnelli is wearing a black pants suit with a low cut top. She goes on to tell a story about college basketball coach Bob Knight and how he broke her heart, now she is really upset that he is retiring from coaching. I put my arm on her shoulder to console her and she begins to make out with me.

Liza Minnelli

(Oh if you are vomiting now just wait.)

She stands up and makes her way to the bedroom and falls backwards onto the bed, I take the bottom part of her pants suit off. And then remove her underwear. Now her underwear was made up of pieces of my boxer shorts, like it was quilted together. I was looking at her um… I don’t want to call it a vagina because it was more like a pit of despair… She then says, “Usually men have a problem with that darling.”

I replied, “With your vagina?”

“No, with my choice of underwear.”

At this point my brain kicked in and I was like… HOLY SHIT I AM ABOUT TO HAVE A SEX DREAM WITH LIZA MINNELLI!! WAKE UP… I popped up out of bed like someone slapped me in the face while I was sleeping. I have been up since four A.M. sitting in the shower trying to feel clean again. It isn’t happening.

What was your worst sex/almost sex dream? What the hell does this dream mean?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

50 Responses to “I Never Want to Dream Again: A Liza Minnelli Sex Dream By Mistake”

  1. cigar smoking beer drinking lawyer says:

    I think my brain just shut down and I can taste bile. Good morning to you too.

  2. Sarah:) says:

    i once dreamt about laying on my bed. and then my gay friend (male) was trying to initiate it.
    i woke up feeling quite worried.

  3. kate says:

    probably means you need to get some booty stat

    and just eww…

  4. Meghan says:

    You had an ‘Ick’ dream. No biggie – happens to the best of us. You want a lesson in dysfunctional dreaming – you know Ron Howard’s creeping looking brother that makes his appearance in 80’s flicks..umm yeah. Bases were rounded.

  5. Meghan says:

    Yeah, dream making out with ANYONE from “Rock and Roll Highschool” is a bad idea – especially ‘Eaglebauer’. I blame an episode of I love the 70’s before bed.

  6. laura says:

    i didnt read that cause the title was too disturbing and id like to sleep tonight

    im sorry

    you should try to like… look at a magazine and sleep immediately to get a second dream going

  7. Claire says:

    Say it ain’t so!

    I wonder if i should get my dream analysis notes out from class and have a bash at analysing it for you? hehehe.

    My worst ones are just plain wrong and then there are the ones about you and that pvc pipe :)

  8. Charlotte says:

    I want to console you, too, your poor, poor baby… ‘cept I’m too busy laughing (with you, of course). Next up, see Kevin and Liza get the results of Who-the-Daddy on Maury!
    Btw, hellooooo … remember what my job is?!?!? You got off easy, dear!

  9. That Guy says:

    at least it wasnt rosie o’donnel…..

  10. sarah says:

    You are going to need YEARS of therapy afte this dream.

  11. Duane says:

    At least you weren’t going to be in a threesome with David Gest. They say the only dreams you can die in are the ones where you feel like you’re falling, but I think one like that could kill.

  12. Mel says:

    why oh why did I read this?? I think I’m going to throw up..

  13. supernik says:

    i feel so bad for you! the only bad one i have had was the one where i didnt end up getting laid, damn alarm clock!

  14. Tori says:

    I had a dream last night that my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring (not any of the ones he and I have talked about, but I wasn’t about to get upset about that) and he gave it to me while we were shopping. We were kissing, and then I went to the counter to pay and the lady was like “Oh you must be his little sister.” I was like “WHAT? Why would I make out with my BROTHER?!?” I said I was his fiancee and she was like “Ohhh…”

    I thought that was gross. Yours was like, 4732423 times grosser.

    • Kevin says:

      You have officially turned into a “my boyfriend” person, where every sentence you start has “my boyfriend” in it.

      If you don’t stop it I am going to slap you in the face with my cock.

      • Tori says:

        Well I’m sorry. But the dream involved MY BOYFRIEND. Every sentence I say does not start with that phrase though. Ok, so maybe a lot of them do. But whatever. He’s hot.

  15. E says:

    I lucid dream too, almost at will. My blood pressure is low enough that if I sit still for too long when I’m bored (such as in class), I drift off just enough to lucid dream.

    Liza Minelli? Wow. I think the worst (almost?) sex dream I had was one where I was in the Tiki Room in Disneyland, drinking fruity drinks, and Bob Saget came swinging through on a rope like Tarzan, wearing nothing but plastic wrap. Does that count as a sex dream, even if we didn’t have sex? I was highly disturbed.

  16. Jess says:

    Oh my poor Kevin! I am so sorry you almost had sex with Liza Minelli. Ew.

    But, hey, it could have been worse right? Could have been Liza, Rosie O’Donnell, and Star Jones!

  17. This dream doesn’t mean anything other than you probably should’nt eat Mexican so close to your bedtime. I mean, c’mon! Liza would never have sex with you. You aren’t a flaming homosexual, and that seems to be the prerequisite for boinking that old broad. Her father was gay, her mother was Judy F*%cking Garland and her ex-hubby is Peter Allen… You’d have to be sitting on an entire pack of leather daddies covered in glitter and pink poodles to be gay enough to have sex with Liza.

  18. Natalie says:

    Hulk Hogan. ‘Nuff said.

  19. Ally says:

    LOL I think you need to get laid… just not by Liza…

    Pretty muich any “almost sex” dream sucks. I dont like *almost* having sex in any situation. I dont know if ive had any bad sex dreams, not that I can recall. Perhaps ive figured out a way to bleach my brain. If I can remember, ill let you know lol

  20. chrishazzoo says:

    I happened to be at the Ellen show taping when Liza appeared as a guest, and she turned out to be quite funny and charming. Much to my suprise. I had pegged her as a Diva. She was nothing like that. That doesn’t mean I would suggest anyone have a lucid dream and have sex with her…but she isn’t so bad personality wise.

  21. Prof Scrub says:

    Dear Dreamer,

    I would dearly love to have sex with Liza Minnelli. How divine.

    If only I could dream like you old chap, if only.

    Prof Scrub

  22. penny lane says:

    i have you beat, my recurring dream is of marilyn manson. and i am not some goth chick, and all my friends are pretty positive this means i am insane. and i WISH it was “almost sex”, and like ally, i don’t typically go for “almost sex.” but…

  23. Kimmie says:


    sadly or maybe thankfully I have not had sex dreams

    does that make me a prude???

  24. Dblog says:

    Well, first of all, that was surely a nice dream you had and why did you wake up from it anyway? Emmm… I found you blog on blog-CAT-log and am going to become your one of your fans, but I would like to ask you something. Who is you shrink? I would like to know so that I can become like you

  25. It took me all day to twist up the courage to look at the comments on this one. My worst sex dream?

    Bob Dole.

    I’ll spare you the visuals. He DID have his pen tho.

  26. harleyblues says:

    ~ Dude I think you are making the whole damn thing up!!!~ part of that story was damn funny!~

  27. Dana says:

    You know, I was having a bad day, but this sure did cheer me up. Thanks….oh and…good luck with the pit of despair tonight…

  28. Winter says:

    Well, in your defense, when Liza was young, she was good looking. I see why you’d be disturbed tho. But it would be worse if Cher and Joan Rivers were in it too. I’ve never had a disturbing sex dream altho I’ve had some very vivid ones. I had one with Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee in it and while I’d bang Tommy, Dave gives me the creeps.

  29. Mandy says:

    Did she sing “CLANG CLANG CLANG GOES THE TROLLEY!” while you removed her pants? Just curious.

  30. Lord Likely says:

    To gauge how awful this scenario really is, I must ask one question: did you wake up with a raging hard-on?

  31. Steve says:

    At least you woke up before you went down on her. Or even worse, what if you couldn’t wake up? That could be a horror movie.

  32. ryan says:

    I could only imagine…At least you probably didn’t dream what that “pit of despair” smelled like! Oh and mine involved a teacher that was probably almost eligible for Social Security…ewww

  33. Rhonda says:

    I’ll bet you’re seriously considering having that labotomy done now…lol

  34. Emmaria says:

    Gary Busey,

    but i wouldnt call it a sex dream. i think sex nightmare is a far more fitting term.

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