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If You Don’t Own a TV You Are Probably An A-Hole or Poor

By: Bobby Finstock on 01/28/08 @ 8:00 am

After years of trying to figure out who catches my ire the most I think I have come to a conclusion. I would like to extend a big middle finger and a loud “fuck you” to people that don’t own televisions, well except the Amish. The Amish never really did anything to piss me off so I am giving you a free pass, but other Mennonites you are still on my radar of hate but that is another debate for another day.

SupernannyAnyways, being in grad school I run into a lot of people that drop the reference that they don’t own a TV. When people announce that they don’t have a television in their home they act so morally and culturally superior that is drives me insane. Like I am a lesser person because you decide to sit at home and read War and Peace while listening to Ella Fitzgerald records. While I sit on the couch and watch Supernanny thinking to myself how I would totally do dirty things so Jo Jo would give me a stern talking to.

Screw you… you judgmental pricks. Sure you could say that maybe I am being a little judgmental in this case but I am not wrong, they are. Reading all the books in the world and not letting pop culture corrupt you doesn’t turn you into an alpha human being. In fact it is leading you down a path you never will be able to recover from. One of being an outsider in society, because when John references what the hell happened on Lost at the water cooler on Friday you will look like a total douche bag for saying you never heard of it. Even worse is if you breed you are automatically creating a family of total misfits. Sure your kid might score a 1600 on the SAT but they will be getting the shit kicked out of them everyday because they have no idea who Hannah Montana is. I hope you feel all morally and culturally superior when your daughter comes home in tears with TWAT (probably spelt incorrectly) written on her backpack because she said she didn’t know who the Jonas Brothers were and only listened to Bach.

Even worse than the tone these non-tv watchers speak in is their rant against television, that it is causing the moral and intellectual decline of this country. Like I have to sit there and feel bad about myself because I like to watch 75,000 hours of television a week. You know what, I’ve read Shakespeare and I would frankly rather watch an hour of the Wire than read that shit ever again. Don’t tell me that his work holds anymore water because it is a classic or that I can learn something about human nature. When you have a show with a gun totting, homosexual, scar faced, Robin Hood, sticking up drug dealers well that tops anything with people speaking in iambic pentameter.

So screw you non-tv watchers….

Am I the only one that feels this way?

This is going up at humor-blogs.com

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

74 Responses to “If You Don’t Own a TV You Are Probably An A-Hole or Poor”

  1. sporkgasm says:

    no, you’re not the only one. it’s just like the people whose profiles say in the t.v. section, “burn it.” wow, they’re so deep. i read more than anyone i know, AND I LOVE BAD TELEVISION. i can’t fall asleep unless i’m watching t.v. i have a dvr and record things so i can watch other things. i talk loud and proud about it often so as to alienate those who may think that just because i’m a booknerd i share their anti-television thoughts. whew, that felt good.

    • Kevin says:

      I never got the whole “if you read it must mean you don’t watch tv” thing…

      Also just because people read doesn’t mean their choice of reading materials is quality.

  2. Texasholdemgoddess says:

    OMG. Iambic pentameter??? Now I’m going to have that damn song stuck in my head forever!!!! And yes, it’s a song from a theatre song… Iambic pentamenter-gotta move to the right paramater… Sigh.

  3. Aymie says:

    There are only a couple reasons why I own a tv- To play video games on, watch dvs, the news, and the show “Heroes”, but since the writers’ strike, there haven’t been any new episodes.
    So even if I may barely watch it, doesn’t mean I wanna burn it. That’s just fucking stupid.

  4. Gracie says:

    I know some of those people who don’t let their kids watch tv. Or they only let them watch for like 30 minutes a day. I think those are the same moms who stay at home and clean the house all day.

  5. Christine says:

    Hey, I don’t clean the house ALL day… I watch t.v. too.

  6. Sophia sturges says:

    I have a t.v. My kids watch it. They know Hannah Montana, High School Musical and the new Transformers.

    I spend too much time reading blogs like this instead, so I stopped watching t.v.–that, and you can only watch so much kids’ television before you go insane. I won’t judge you for watching Lost if you don’t judge me for not watching it. I used to watch hours of t.v. all day from a very early age. I realized over time that I didn’t want to look back at my life and realize that I came home every night to watch t.v. instead of play music in a band, write songs, write books, or go out with friends. I’m not saying you don’t do those things as well, but I think too many people don’t have a life outside of work and family because they waste time watching t.v. Just my 2 cents though.

  7. Fiona says:


    I have a TV, but I watch DVDs. Quite honestly, I don’t have time to watch it or the attention span to follow a show through and it frustrates me to skip episodes due to life.
    My kid watches TV, but it’s limited to no more than one hour a day during the week AFTER homework and no more than three hours a day on the weekend before I drag her ass outside for fresh air. She knows who Hannah Montana is.

    Sorry, I am a none TV watcher. Bite me Kevin. ;)

  8. Fiona says:

    I do so damnit!

  9. n8 says:

    Ha hah…Great point!

    I hate it when people say that as if it makes them appear more scholarly. “No I’m too busy reading Tolstoy to pay attention to the latest Hero’s.”

    I couldn’t hang with these folks and extend both middle fingers in their general direction.

  10. Josh says:

    I talk to some people and they’re like “I don’t really watch TV”, but they go opening night to see “Meet the spartans”. Whereas I’m a total TV nerd, I’d rather watch TV then go see a shitty movie at the cineplex (Though I did dig Juno, and Cloverfield).

    My Name Is Earl, Lost, ER, House, 30 Rock- yes please.

  11. em em says:

    No, I can’t stand any people in general who think that some random thing they do in their life makes them morally or intellectually superior to other people. But the world is full of those people so what can you do, I guess just kick them all down the pit of death, which they probably wouldn’t understand the reference because they’re too busy reading “intelligent” books anyway, (psht, yeah, enjoy your Grisham…twatsicle).

  12. Mel says:

    I used to think like you, but due to circumstances beyond my control I have converted to the morally and intellectually superior that you refer to. When I owned a TV, I indeed enjoyed dumb reality shows, American Idol, The Nanny and of course Lost. Tevo was my best friend. That is, until one fateful day my TV spontaneously combusted and I was left with a week and a half before payday and no mula.
    So…. I was forced to see how my morally superior fellow humans lived. With a big task at hand, I pulled out the books I’ve been buying over the years that I never made time to read and I discovered My Space. Let me tell you, the days turned into weeks, then months and now it has been over a year. I had a chance to read over twenty books, mostly true crime which did nothing for my intellect or making me a more spiritually advanced human, but what it did do was make me realize how much of my valuable time I was wasting on a big corporate commercial. I reconnected with old friends and got my art off the ground via networking on myspace.
    Loosing the tv really did change my life. As for my offspring? Well I only have one and she is 8. She spends half the time at her dad’s who DOES have a TV, yet she rarely watches it. When with me… she plays with toys, goes outside, does art work, takes classes and we both naturally slimmed down. I know if I had a TV, I would be tempted to be lazy and I like the less lazy me.
    To the writer, I would challenge you to take one week off tv and then write a follow up to this piece. I would be interested to see if your tone would change. You can check out my My Space page and see how incredibly normal I actually am. You may even LIKE a non TV owner. Imagine that…..
    My URL: myspace.com/bodypaintingasylum

  13. Kevin says:

    Isn’t MySpace a bigger cultural waste than television?

  14. Tori says:

    This blog made me have to poop.

  15. abc chick says:

    I have a sister who is a stay-at-home mom and she hates the tv, if she watches it all day she catches hell from her husband for not get anything done around the house. So for people like her who have no self-control I guess maybe they shouldn’t even have tvs. I can’t put myself in her shoes though. To each his own, at least she doesn’t think she’s all high and mighty.

  16. Kadi says:

    Hey…if you regularly watch Supernanny, you might just get to see our family get a stern talking to. It’s proably not as good as getting your own spanking, but they will show me getting reprimanded…pretty close to soft porn. :) Sorry…that was raunchy.
    Oh…and I second that finger!

  17. Dara says:

    I agree that the people that act like you are an asshole because you watch TV have an inferiority complex,yes there is alot of shit tv but there is also alot of amazing television that is intellegent and educational etc. I get especially mad at people who act like you are a horrible parent if you let your kids watch tv,The studies do not say all tv is bad what they say is it shouldnt be a babysitter,I watch educational tv with my kids, we talk about what is happening,play games during the show (like point at the triangle etc.)…my 6 yr old is facinated by space now because of a show in the Discover channel where she actually got to see pics and footage of the planets etc….people against tv are just assholes trying to feel better about themselves,they are the ultimate in boring because they cant even find something to identify with on tv.

  18. mistakenone says:

    Well mr. pister
    I’ll have you know I own 3 T.V.’s and with my son now renting a room that makes 4 in the house None have cable or dish. Yes that means I AM POOR.
    uhmmm does the internet count as far as viewing like a TV? :D
    loving it

  19. mistakenone says:

    What is Twitter? (not a Twit)

  20. tiffany p. says:

    no, you are NOT the only one, kev.

    This has been a topic of discussion between my friend Mary and i for YEARS.

    we JUDGE people whether or not they can fly with random “Seinfeld” quotes or not.

    and we just won’t have anything to do with people that casually drop “oh, i don’t watch tv.”


    wtf do you DO in all your spare time besides making the world a better place?

    the first time i experienced this was when i was around 9, visiting my cousin in the “country”. When she mentioned her father’s friends “Bert” and “Ernie”, I said “hahahah! like the show!” and she stared @ me blankly. “you know, from sesame streeet?” and she just shrugged and said “never heard of them.”


  21. Melissa says:

    I have TVs, just no cable. My son had serious ADHD as a small child and all the loud overblown kids shows made him unmanageable and he was seriously addicted. No show? Cue screaming for hours. Not even interruption techniques from the child docs worked. So, we got rid of cable and kept a handful of calmer tapes for the kid. He was really confused for a while, then got bored with the lack of selection and we were better able to get him to focus on school when the time came. Now that he’s doing well and in high school we talked about getting cable or Dish and decided against. For the cost of a month we can get an entire season of shows on DVD and not have to put up with commercials, politicans, crappy slanted news or other bullshit like the writers strike.

  22. Nicole says:

    Oh my, this is a touchy subject for me cause I am a recovering TV addict. I have spent every free second of my life sitting in from of the TV. If nothing good was on, I would watch the shopping channels. About a year ago, I just snapped and have not watched one second of Tv since. Now I read books, surf the net, watch DVD’s, play Wii, play with my iPod. And I swear, I do not miss it. But I would never get all high and mighty and make the rest of my family stop watching it. My kids are still TV junkies and that is fine with me. I do not limit their amount of time in front of the TV, just the channels that they can watch. I mean, they are all under 8 yrs old, so I only allow Nick and Disney.

  23. nanner823 says:

    75,000 hours of television a week,,,we could so hang wanna be my friend? haha

  24. randi says:

    I own a TV but I hardly ever watch all the shows that are being discussed at the water cooler. I’m pretty sure it’s because I go to night classes. Also? I have no idea what time or channel anything is on because I don’t have the fancy built in TV Guide or TiVo. So judge not, lest ye be judged, Mr. High and Mighty.

  25. I am totally guilty. Well, I own a television, but only ever watch CNN and Nip/Tuck. I have my fav shows but that’s about it…don’t shoot me!

  26. soil_monkey says:

    I completely agree! I’m in grad school too and people act all hoity toity (Spelling) because they don’t watch television (even if they do own one) and look at me like I’m some sort of insect alien from outer space when I drop references to Drawn Together, Family guy or Futurama. Am I wrong or are they to the total loosers for not knowing those shows? And then they wonder why people see scientists as square boring bastards. Because of people like them, that’s why!

  27. We HAVE a TV, but we got rid of the sattelite because what was on wasn’t worth $75 a month. So we effectively don’t watch TV because you can get exactly f-all up in the mountains without a dish. BUT…thanks to Netflix we can cherrypick the good stuff and watch it commercial free whenever we want. So I hope I escape your ire. You have to admit TV is about 84% poodle spunk. Whether you LIKE poodle spunk is something upon which I shall not pass judgement.

  28. Trisha says:

    I agree 100%. Even worse I dated this jerk who watched tv, but “no network” tv. He watched international news, Discovery and the Cartoon Network. He was proud that he did not get any pop culture references. I said something about Courtney Love one day and all I got was a blank stare. Kinda summed up our entire relationship. Except that the sex was mind-blowing.

  29. Alexandra says:

    Hi Little Kevin!

    I’m thinking that totally avoiding TV is probably a really bad idea. I’ve been on both sides in a way. I worked in an office in which people watched a certain reality show, and because I didn’t watch it, I was not part of the daily meet-up they had about the show. It’s good to know pop culture. You really have to know what’s out there, especially if you have children too!

  30. Ben Dover says:

    The new scale for the SAT is 2400(just keepin u updated on the hip-hoppeningz deez days).The Wire is a badass show, but I’m a freshman at UT-Austin(I got lucky last semester), and I’m always busy in Austin, but I try to rent DVD seasons of The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, etc. etc.

  31. yeah I don’t cable and I feel intellectually superior.. so take that! (sticks tongue out)

    The real reason I don’t have cable is because I am being el cheapo and because I get seriously addicted to it if I have it..

    I kinda like the cable free life.. although there are shows that I do miss… I just go to the library and check out from selection of about 5000 movies

    Public Library rocks!!!!

  32. Jimmy C. says:


    What the hell’s a Jonas Brother?

  33. michelle says:

    im the biggest reader i know, once i read 27 books in about as many days, i always think to myself that people are missing out when they tell me they dont really like to read. but i also watch things like celebrity rehab and rock of love, i enjoy giving my brain a break, i guess. but if i didnt watch tv, i would miss out on a lot of good stuff, like intervention. dont know what it is as im totally against 12 step programs, but that show is riveting!!!

  34. [...] the Losers Get Lucky Sometimes Tasty Celeb – Jennifer Ellison Loaded (site NSFW) Pointless Banter – If You Don’t Own a TV You Are An A-Hole or Poor Bright Black Internet – Sexy Pics: Leticia Is Looking Hot Hot Hot!! on 205th – Guys are shaving [...]

  35. kab625 says:

    You tell ‘em!!! Who could have grown up properly without Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, the Tasmanian Devil, Yosemite Sam, Wiley Coyote, Disney? A life without Tweetie Bird? Please?

    Did I mention Tele Tubbies?

  36. [...] Banter – If You Don’t Own a TV You Are An A-Hole or Poor Bright Black Internet – Sexy Pics: Leticia Is Looking Hot Hot Hot!! on 205th – Guys are shaving [...]

  37. Meghan says:

    Three Things:

    1. You TRY to take my TV away and you will pull back a bloody stump of a hand. I am a whore for reality TV.

    2. I’m also SuperNanny and I think parents are far to uptight about television. Obviously I don’t think they needs gobs of it as their only source of culture, but a little PBS is harmless from time to time. Big Bird never killed anybody – except that hooker in ‘82, but she was working his corner, and that shit don’t play on any Street….AND

    3. Whole Grain, organic, cage free, breast milk till their 3, co-sleeping children need some outlets! You don’t want them to be the weird kid in the back of the class drinking beet juice and coloring with their beeswax crayons.

  38. Shrek says:

    thats the most idiotic thing I’ve heard you say.. usually your idiocy is FUNNY but this.. well let me just say that ALL drug addicts, from alcoholics to crak heads will try and entice you to enbibe their drug of choice… TV is the most widely abused substance on the planet.. maybe behind that vile toxic swill coffee…
    No one abuses Shakespere cause he sucks!! Boring but WTF do you call American Idol if not BORING pablum … TV Is less than worthless…… and by the way Apples rule PC’s suck since we are on the whole holier than thou thing dont forget Sbaru’s either!

    • Kevin says:

      I guess just like alcohol tv is good in moderation. I might watch 6 hours a week but I enjoy those six hours.

    • Meghan says:

      Less than worthless?….Wait…’Less Than Zero’? Sweet, I’m going to pop the DVD in right now and use it as mindless background noise.

  39. Ms. Pissy says:

    well we all need a little more television in our life. I also stand with you on the dissing on those people who say the tv is non-existant in their abode. Like their cat peed on it, or it’s broken. Whatever. Boring. What do you do when you are dying to watch tv?

    we all need to watch tele.
    Especially the Colbert Report. Long Live Stephen Colbert!

  40. Deliciously Divine says:

    And what exactly do you have against Ella Fitzgerald?

  41. Valerie says:

    You mean there are people really don’t own a TV. What is this world coming too?

  42. damonm55 says:

    If there were no televisions, there would be no Sesame Street. Without Sesame Street I would not be able to report to you here today, that T-W-A-T is the correct spelling. If you don’t own a t.v., this report has been brought to you by the letters F and U.

  43. Troy Allen says:

    I am SOOOO with you on this one. It is not the fact that they do not own a TV…I sometimes wish I could break my own addiction to the Boob-Tube. It is that they so smugly ANNOUNCE it to the world every chance they get. Before they even finish their pronouncement, I have already started to “turn them off” permanently. If I ever do get rid of all of my TVs (which is highly unlikely), I will be the only one that will know about it.

  44. DrZin says:

    I’d love to respond, but sorry, I don’t even OWN an internet. And I’ve never even HEARD of a television. Did I spell that correctly?

  45. I don’t own a TV and I never will. I don’t go around telling everyone though, unless someone asks. I’m poor, but that’s not why I don’t have one. I don’t have one because I know I’ll never/rarely use it, plus the money I would be spending on cable/buying a TV I’d rather use on something else like…food. That’s probably because I’m poor…haha. If I ever have kids I’m still not going to buy a TV, but if they really beg I’ll probably set up a little home theater (projector pointed at a wall), and we can have a weekly “movie night” or something like that.

    Right now one of my roommates has a TV right in my living room but I don’t ever use it. But reading is definitely not my thing either! I would rather watch TV than read a book. I’d rather not do either.

    I’m very active and if I’m not working or cleaning I can’t stand sitting around at home, I like to spend my time outside. I don’t own a computer either. I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t have a TV.

  46. James says:

    I think it’s personal choice.

    I gave away my 3 TV’s! I only watched the news or Football and I can do that online or on my mobile at any time.

    I own a few LCD monitors and built a pc and prologic sound to use as a media centre for movies.

    I am based in the U.K. where we have no choice but to pay for a licence for $400-+ for a channel that I never watch. No licence and a tv at home = $2000 fine. It’s like a tax to pay for rubbish programs. I’d rather subscribe and have a choice.

    I love movies, going out to bars, I work as biochemist researcher reading journals working in labs and I play in a blues band.
    I also take part in martial arts and gym/riding clubs and yes I have girlfriend too!

    I don’t have time for tv or anything! but the net has the news when I want and I can watch the game by pay on demand etc.

    Saturday is my day off and I’ve watched the football and news and some shows online which has cost me $5.

    I don’t need a tv. If I had more time then sure I’d buy a 60 inch screen hooked to pc or PS3!

    If you have a tv or maybe you don’t? then good for you it’s your choice.

  47. WTB Adult only internet…

    …*Will donate blood and adopt 6 orphans*….*and stop telling kids who believe in God, that Santa is the same person*

    Rhetorical question, but why are you posting a pointless point… nothing on TV eh?


  48. …On a serious note….

    I don’t know whether this post is a real opinion which you actually believe in or just a random bored ass rant to throw out there and get a discussion going!

    I’ll say this though… go watch Fight Club a few times and take control of your life, not let mass media do it and empty your pockets!

    Grow some, and go outside your comfort zone!

    P.S WTB stocks in generators for the upcomming energy blackouts…

    Oh wait, thats just a bunch of bull on the news and mass media…silly me o_O

    (Interesting post, I could ramble forever about the subject and make judgements about you and other people who watch alot of tv and reality tv… I won’t though, since it’s not my problem ;D)

  49. Larry says:

    Okay,I’m guilty… I don’t own a TV. It happened by accident, literally. 5 years ago A large heavy shelf came down on top of it, and I never got around to replacing it. I don’t say it to sound culturally superior, or because I think I have some sort of a higher calling. In fact I try to avoid the whole issue because general conversation always turns to television. I am pretty unrefined, my Library is where everyone else’s is, on the back of the toilet. and my choice of reading material comes in magazine form, typical guy stuff, hunting, guns, 4X4’s, football.
    I’m okay with you having a TV, in fact, I’ll watch yours if I’m at your place.

  50. Aura willow hazel says:

    oklive in the uk, do not own a tv as over here you get a stupid bloated TAX to do so called the tv license. Am proud to say don’t own a television not for cultural reasons but ecause over here the tv lcensing folks are like tyrants. Forcing you to pay an outdated fee to support the bbc.

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