Tales of the Green Booger Girl

When talking about ex girlfriends it is easy to talk about the trophy girls, the girls that when you look back on you have no idea how you ended up dating them. Talking about them is always a boost to the ego and legitimizes your complete existence, which we all need from time to time or in my case every fifteen minutes. Honestly though, who the hell wants to read about that stuff? Instead I would like to talk about the girl I lost my virginity to, otherwise known as the girl with the green booger. Now I have referenced (here and here) green booger girl before but never really talked about it, until now.

I guess this is going to start a new series; we’ll call it the Green Booger Girl Chronicles.

Part 1: The “romance” begins

I had just moved back to New York from California for my junior year of high school. It was kind of a rough move because I left California under some bad circumstances. My mom was pretty pissed off at me because I had chosen to go back and live with my dad so I could graduate with all my friends that I grew up with. On top of that I had alienated most of my friends in California when I broke one of my best friend’s wrists when we got into a fight playing basketball. The guilt of breaking his wrist had crushed me throughout most of the summer but I refused to apologize because frankly he did deserve it for a long list of transgressions. When I got back to NY I was kind of a mess mentally, happy to see all my friends but felt really bad about a lot of things.

School started shortly after I got back and I settled into the flow of everything. In a few of my classes was green booger girl, well at this point it was still nice out so she didn’t have her normal green booger. She just had her trademark large breasts, so I guess I can’t call her green booger girl yet, maybe just super large breast girl. Anyways she started to write me notes saying how excited she was to have me back and that she had always hoped that I was going to move back here. Her penmanship was exquisite and she was kissing my ass, those two things sent me into a tizzy. We soon began dating, errrr… I mean “going out” to use the parlance of those days.

Now looking at everything from a logical perspective I should have never dated this girl:

From a shallow standpoint- I could have done better
From a strategic standpoint- I just moved back there I should see what materializes first
From a rumor standpoint- Everyone said she was a giant lesbian, why was she hitting on me?

(Oh we will cross that last sentence as the series moves along.)

Anyways we started dating, which meant the occasional heavy make out session on the couch that never really went anywhere and hanging out with her family a lot. In fact I was so smitten I actually went and watched a lot of her Varsity Volleyball games. Watching women’s volleyball is the equivalent of watching paint dry or having your balls played with by your male dentist when you are heavily drugged up. I didn’t know what I was thinking; I just figured it was what good boyfriends did. Actually as I have grown I learned that it is only the stupid ones that do.

Part II- How blind I actually was and I am not just talking about the green booger.

What is the dumbest thing you did for a girl/guy when you were young and dating?